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Day 2 Pain = progress?

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by Buckeye, Jan 12, 2015.

  1. Buckeye

    Buckeye Peer Supporter

    Became aware of TMS about 4 days ago. Have no problem w/the idea at all. Friend recommended it as solution to anxiety/panic issue. Didn't think I had much body pain when I started.

    Today, I forced myself to do something I avoid when ever possible. I went to a grocery store. I have done this in the past, but usually avoid it until I absolutely have to get something that can't be gotten at the small shop 2 miles from my home. (The grocery store is 7 miles away). I can't call it a complete win because I still did it at 3am. BUT, I did go into isles that I normally wouldn't, said "thank you" to a person there, and forced myself to watch one of the other shoppers. (Not creepy, but acknowledge they were there and not attacking me in any way). AND, now I feel like I've been thrown into a log tumbler. My body hurts all over and through and through. Muscles, intestines, chest, neck, head... but, I'm breathing normalish and there are no knives sticking through my ribs except one spot.

    So, I did the Day 2 reading. Brian's story reminded me about how I'd also gone through a period of 'carpal tunnel syndrome.' I was lucky enough to have no health insurance so was never subjected to the stuff that he went through. Mine was both wrists and bad enough that they hurt constantly and I sometimes would jerk violently for no reason when it sent shocks into either of my hands because the shocks felt like I'd touched a live electric wire. Try explaining to a stranger standing next to you why you just suddenly back handed them no reason... not fun. But, that was years ago. But, this TMS may have been an issue much longer than I initially thought.

    So, the 3 things that make me angry were all initially related to US politics or the US culture. I think I feel genuine visceral anger over the topics that came to mind. I get hot and feel utterly compelled to debate the issue to try to get the other person to understand my point of view.

    For three things that make me sad, I came up with a blank. I tried thinking about when I've cried recently, and I cry very, very easily... but it's always either gratitude... someone gave me 3 pounds of venison meat and I started crying... or 'empathy' crying... like a friend told me that her dad was in the hospital with something serious and I started crying about that. Or, I cry about the way some things are in the US culture.

    I apologize for posting if it's not what's intended. But, I know I'm missing the mark here and I'm not comfortable talking to people I know about this stuff. The one person that I'm close enough to talk to is going through a lot of her own issues right now and I don't want to add to her burdens. Any hints, or tips, or tricks about how to figure out what you're internally angry about or what you're internally sad about would be appreciated.
     
  2. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Buckeye, you are writing about your pains and anxiety just as you should. We who reply are mostly people who went through the same traumas
    and it's helpful for you to write about them. Crying okay, too. Maybe try laughing instead, though. Laughing is both psychologically and
    physically good for us.

    I had anxiety problems going to the supermarket or anywhere so I know all about them and agoraphobia. Claire Weekes has written two books
    on how to get over anxiety and agoraphobia, and you are already doing what she suggests... go to the grocery store and just tell yourself you can do anything or go anywhere you set your mind to. Do it gradually if necessary, but each time you face the fear of going anywhere, you are closer to overcoming the fear.

    I too held a lot of anger about current politics, the economy, and pop culture which today I find to be mindless for idiots. I handle thing by
    telling myself there is really nothing I can do about it all, and I don't watch television news or talk shows. I read online the top headlines of the day and that's all I need to know.

    I try to "live in the present," not in the past or the future, and I try to find and do things that I like and that make me feel good or happy.

    I hope you will keep doing the Structured Educational Program because it helps lead us to heal from TMS pain.

    Feel free to write about your anxieties or whatever. We're all here to help each other.

    As for hints or tips, what I find most helpful is deep breathing and saying positive mantras (like "I'm feeling great." "I'm not afraid of anything."

    I also like to watch relaxation videos on YouTube.

    Keep us all informed about how you're doing and let us know how we can help you.
     
  3. Buckeye

    Buckeye Peer Supporter

    I am doing the 4-7-8 breathing exercise and trying to do meditation mp3s. I appreciate the feedback. I'm getting the money together for the books and hope to have anought to them (Weeks and Dr Sanos) by end of week.
     
  4. Aaricia

    Aaricia Peer Supporter

    Hi, how are you doing? I'm almost done with SEP and I'm so proud of myself. I've started meditation and breathing and it is very helpful. The odd thing is that my pain moved from my hands (I've had RSI) to knee when I played with my dog. I took that as another proof that it's only TMS, nothing else.
    Trust me, US culture and politics are not so bad - every time I visit my homeland, Poland, I get specific cold shower, usually only drunk people reply on my friendly smile that I've learned here in US :joyful:
    Take care and lots of positive thought to you!
     
    Last edited: Jan 19, 2015
  5. Buckeye

    Buckeye Peer Supporter

    thanks for the reply. I've sort of hit a block on day 5, so tried day 6, but still blocked. So am trying to do the journaling for day 5 for a couple days now. I'm remember more events, but not able to write about them at this point. Last night and today have been terrible, like both my body and my mind are attacking me.
     
  6. Aaricia

    Aaricia Peer Supporter

    I had the same, I remember at the beginning I just skipped journaling and did the questions and education. I returned to some of journaling later. This was so hard for me...I still have bad days, like last Wednesday I cried almost all day...it's hard to go through all that stuff but overall I feel much much better! It's just TMS :) I'm on day 34. Take care !!!
     
  7. Buckeye

    Buckeye Peer Supporter

    thanks... i've been crying since last night. part of me wanted to quit, but instead, i'm going to keep doing what i can until i can get at least a start on this journaling. it makes me feel so stupid that i can't get my brain to do something that sounds so simple.
     
  8. Aaricia

    Aaricia Peer Supporter

    please, don't be so hard to yourself...it is very very difficult, doing all that stuff that was repressed and hidden all those years. I felt exactly the same. I even thought that, maybe, I prefer to suffer pain then going through all hidden memories. But now I can even talk about some of them! Try this program for meditation - it helped me a lot - I'm doing "perfect health" really! -https://chopracentermeditation.com/ just try, you have nothing to loose.
    I have to overcome that TMS for my daughter! - she deserve a healthy mom - maybe try to find similar motivation...
     
  9. Buckeye

    Buckeye Peer Supporter

    thanks for the kind comments. long term habits are so hard to change. i guess i'm just taking a pause of sorts.
     
  10. Aaricia

    Aaricia Peer Supporter

    Last Wednesday I was in so much pain that I just went to bed and cry and cry...but I fell asleep and wake up with more pain. I was devastated...remember you are not only one that goes through that. But I looked on my pain from distance - it was only one hard day. Overall I'm in much better shape since I've begun the program.
    Take care and try to be kind for yourself!
     
    Last edited: Jan 19, 2015
  11. Buckeye

    Buckeye Peer Supporter

    you too! have fun with your girl, she looks cute!
     
    Aaricia likes this.
  12. Aaricia

    Aaricia Peer Supporter

    She is! Thank you. After that photo was taken I regretted that I carried her the next few days...and look at our hair - they are such a mess, my RSI was so bad that I couldn't do our hair. We have to fight! That little girl deserve nice hair and smiled mom! it's only TMS. The program is hard but worth the try!
    Keep in thought!
     
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2015
  13. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Buckeye,
    I think you are doing fine. And it is sad to not to have anyone to talk to, and get support when you are going through a lot, and discovering and engaging the TMS cure. Most people don't understand what we do here, so that is what the Forum is for. You should feel free to post as much as you want.

    I don't think you are missing the mark. You are feeling your anger, you are aware of your tender tears. This is what is asked for: to come into contact with more feelings over time, and understand these feelings are what drives the TMS symptoms. Try to be gentle with yourself, and trust that since you have turned your intention toward Dr. Sarno's approach, your learning cure will unfold at the right pace for you.

    Andy
     
    Buckeye likes this.
  14. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, Andy. Feel free to post about your pain and progress with the SEP. Lots of us have gotten help from sharing posts on the forums.\

    Yes, feel your anger, but as Dr. Sarno says, don't spend more than an hour a day with TMS thinking and healing techniques.
    It can wear us down. Better to spend as much time as possible on positive things like being in the present moment and finding ways to
    enjoy each day.
     
  15. Buckeye

    Buckeye Peer Supporter

    thanks andy
     
  16. Aaricia

    Aaricia Peer Supporter

    Buckeye, how are you doing?
     
  17. Buckeye

    Buckeye Peer Supporter

    kind of crappy. physically i'm a tad worse, but mentally i'm completely jumbled. a friend is trying to get me an appointment with a TMS psychologist. but i feel like maybe this is all too much for me right now. i went out (on the Internet) and found some music that makes me feel like there is power to be had but still feel like this is just too much. still on day 7 'break' till i get some traction.
     
  18. Aaricia

    Aaricia Peer Supporter

    I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe try to read some recovery stories, you can find them on youtube as well.
    Or find the things that you like to do. I love doing make up and thanks to this program I've discovered it again. Something that you like, and do only for yourself :) just to spoil myself.
    Even when my wrists hurt, I just sit down in front of my, vanity and make at least 30 minutes detailed make up, - very self -conceit but works great!
    Lots of positive energy for you!
     
  19. Buckeye

    Buckeye Peer Supporter

    thanks for the positive energy! i have been doing different stuff that i haven't done in a while in this last couple days. that helps some.
     
  20. Aaricia

    Aaricia Peer Supporter

    good to hear! take care :)
     

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