Thank you all so much for your responses. This has been a really rough week for me. I've discovered something huge though. I've known that I had TMS for 2 years now and I've worked through a lot of it, but the fear component and preoccupation has been difficult for me. It's getting better though. Right now, my grandma is in hospice and she's expected to pass very soon. I really had my pain very under control for weeks now and I had some symptom imperative stuff, but really I was feeling good. I also had a baby 9 weeks ago, so I have been healing from that too. Finally around the new year, I was starting to feel more like my old self. On January 2, my grandma fell and the next week, we had to make the decision of hospice for her and ever since then, the pain has slowly increased. I also caught a nasty cold, so I thought maybe some of the pain moving was from coughing or something (sneaky TMS trying to deceive me). Anyways, I went to see her the other day and I was very fearful to do so alone. I really didn't want to and I also had to thought that all this fear wouldn't be good for the back too (again that darn inner bully). When I went into the room, I had butterflies in my stomach and was feeling pretty nervous and anxious. When I got in there, the site wasn't what I expected to see nonetheless and was very traumatizing for me. Instantly, my back seized up and the spasms started. I got my 100% diagnosis of TMS. I feel like I was near a PTSD type of situation the other day, which I have calmed down, but I'm still feeling anxious about her impending passing. Right after that, I cried harder than I have in a long time and got 12 years worth of emotions out (that's when my dad died) and screamed. I had no back pain anymore - I felt uplifted and better than I had in a while when I went to bed 2 nights ago. Well ever since then, the pain has come back and is the same as before. I know what the issue is now, but I don't know how to get it to stay that way. I feel my brain trying really hard to distract me and make me scared to death of the pain. It's really trying to not get these emotions out, but I thought I had felt them already. Any thoughts?