1. Alan has completed the new Pain Recovery Program. To read or share it, use this updated link: https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/painrecovery/
    Dismiss Notice

overcome fear

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by Mary80, Apr 7, 2018.

  1. Mary80

    Mary80 Peer Supporter

    Hi everyone, does anyone want to share his experience of not worrying anymore and no longer being afraid? How did you put into practice? I would really like to hear how you did and all the advice.

    plum likes this.
  2. Paigeee

    Paigeee Peer Supporter

    Hey there!

    I struggle with fear about my physical pain as well, even though I know it's TMS. I find it's like a battle between my rational self and "fear" self. The fear self wants me to believe I have something wrong--some awful, strange illness. The rational self knows that these are just thoughts caused by fear. However, no matter my discomfort level, I get a great deal of comfort and hope in knowing that TMS isn't physical. It's simply overcoming that mental fear that it is physical is what's challenging.

    So basically, you just have to tell yourself over and over that your pain/discomfort is not physical in origin, but a manifestation of negative emotions.

    I hope this helps a bit!
    linnyc87, Ines, plum and 1 other person like this.
  3. Mary80

    Mary80 Peer Supporter

    Thanks for the reply. I'm looking for my way. . . overcoming fear during a moment of great fear is very difficult for me, for now I repeat myself while I have so many strange symptoms that it is nothing, only tms and therefore I always tell myself the explanation of Claire.But in fact I would like to know a lot how others do it, it's always very helpful to share experiences. thank you
    plum and Paigeee like this.
  4. balto

    balto Beloved Grand Eagle

    Durga, plum and Mary80 like this.
  5. Mary80

    Mary80 Peer Supporter

    How much is true .. but I can not make it understand my little frightened head.
    Thank you for the link . I will read it often

    "The same is true for fear; consciously or unconsciously indulging in fearful thoughts and emotions will also align us with similar energies. Repetitious fear creates a negative belief system, and attracts that type of behaviour and those compatible energies.

    It could be so simple to master this game of life, so easy to view life as a wonderful adventure, filled with extraordinary beauty and possibilities. There is so much good, infinite love, abundance and joy, if we choose to connect into it. Love and happiness are not just random acts or accidents which come along, sweep us up and then toss us out. Love and happiness are self generated and contagious; they align to everything within a similar frequency and will expand and grow.

    I am talking here about making conscious decisions, to create and maintain thoughts and emotions, which are creative in nature. And no, it's not always easy, and no, you won't be able to control all things, all of the time. But, consider this, if you went back over your life and took an inventory of every worry and fear you ever had, and then tossed out every monkey, dog and witch, then, how many fears would be left? And if you dissected all the real fears, and noted the outcomes, how many were as bad as you imagined at the time? If you listed the really bad outcomes; the things which almost destroyed you and or dramatically changed you, then you might also wonder what of these events shaped the person you are today. The big question here of course, is that, if everything that went before made you who your are today, then how many regrets will you carry?

    You might find as much as eighty percent of your life has been wasted on imagined dangers, and if this is so, then, imagine this, what if you had that eighty percent back again? What would you be capable of creating, being, experiencing or feeling if you used your useless worry and imagined fear energies, in creating and choosing thoughts, emotions and actions, what could life be?

    It must be obvious that we do choose our thoughts, we can change them by will or we can allow them to rattle around in our heads unsupervised and out of control. It is also obvious that our emotions are reactions to those thoughts. How we react or respond is also a choice. We may be anywhere between fear and love at any given time - The choice is ours."
    Durga likes this.
  6. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    In addition to excellent advice offered above, I would add that I have found it very beneficial to do something when intense fear strikes because I find that level of fear petrifying and action moves both the immobilisation and the emotion.

    Typically that would involve going to the different self-soothers I have cultivated over time. I have also found the routine use of affirmations to be incredibly helpful. They serve to shore up a fortress of healthy self-acceptance and positivity in the face of tedious negativity.

    Negativity is a terrible mental habit that thrives on the juice of fear so getting good at chopping that off at the root is a great discipline. People don't much speak of discipline here but I have found it to be a massive boon in healing terms. I view it in a nurturing, self-mastery sense rather than anything punitive.

    Don't indulge fear or fearful thoughts. Let the physiological edge wash over you (a la Claire Weekes), and self-talk your self back into a better feeling place. These repetitive friendly nudges really add up over time and do reach a tipping point into the good.

    Look after your body too, and nurture your love for life and you'll find fear loses it's power.

    And ironically don't be afraid to sometimes embrace physical cures and interventions. If something makes you feel better then it is helping, even if it is just placebo. Many people here happily use the placebo to their advantage.

    Hope some of this helps.

    Plum x
    linnyc87, Mary80 and Durga like this.
  7. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle


    I'd like to share something else that has greatly helped me. It centres on the truth of fear and love, and how in choosing love, we soothe fear.

    This is a guided meditation by Louise Hay and it is a brilliant realisation of the Taoist healing practice called 'The Inner Smile' where you kindly focus on each organ and body part with love and gratitude. To be guided through it by such a compassionate woman is quite beautiful.

    I smiled and wept and felt comforted the first time I listened. I return to it at times when my emotional body needs some tlc.

    Mary80 likes this.
  8. Mary80

    Mary80 Peer Supporter

    Thanks you Plum
    in the past I had tried with the affirmations, but unfortunately with me it does not work. In any case, I will listen to it especially today because I'm very worried and scared because of my health and life problems.
  9. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    Mary, I struggled with affirmations for the longest time. I finally came round to them by making them my own, by creating ones that were very personal. They tend to feel awkward at first so it is something that needs warming to your touch.

    I use an app on my smartphone that combines images with affirmations. I've spent quite a lot of time tailoring them to suit me. I appreciate that may not appeal to everyone but it's a way I found of using them that is happily repetitive and weaves easily into my day.

    Do you mind if I ask what your health and life problems are? I've read a lot of your posts and they are usually very supportive and encouraging of others. I can't recall reading about your own issues. Forgive me if I have missed those.

    Plum x
    Mary80 likes this.
  10. Mary80

    Mary80 Peer Supporter

    It's always a tense time when I have my period and I'm in a dark place, I've a lot of pain. I've got a problem with my ovaries.
    Many years ago I got yeast infection and I had surgery, since then I had a chronic vulvodynia and pelvic pain..several years later I went sick with my nerves and others related pain..I fought with everything I had, but it was not enough. I thought I could do it because it seemed medical treatment went well, but no..
    I haven't had a family, kids, nothing. Sometimes I feel really lonely, It's so hard to live in this way. No wonder I've tms, I suffered a lot and I hid my pain to all. I was ashamed of myself, maybe I was left by my boyfriend for this, I thought I was different, useless, a woman in half. Probably I met the wrong man, but that's what happened. For this reason and in order to make my heart stop hurting I'm estranged from everyone. I know I was wrong but I didn't want to be ..rejected anymore..so.
    Sometimes I feel the weight of solitude.. tomorrow will be better, I hope so. Now I'm trying to extricate myself with various recovery programs.. Shubiner, Sarno,Weekes ..
    It's just that today is a bad day, tomorrow will be better.
    linnyc87 likes this.
  11. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    Sweetheart, the emotional work the various healing programs hold is immensely powerful. Through them I have been able to sift through the confusions and shame of abuse (a family acquaintance), and then deal with the esteem issues and conditioned fears those experiences led to.

    It hasn't been easy but over time I've gently worked through all the betrayals and the hurt, and I've transformed my relationship with myself and with others.

    I had thrush/candida for 7 years in my 20's and that was a world of misery that created more than a few psychological ripples. I totally understand how these intimate problems can wreck a relationship and leave you feeling useless. They are heartbreaking to endure.

    But you know, you really can recover from all this. Sometimes we need space in order to achieve this so don't worry too much about pushing people away or keeping them at a distance. This too is only a passing phase and besides you have your new friends here who truly understand what you are going through and who champion your healing. There is no need to feel lonely.

    Bad days are only that. A bad day. They pass. But they are why you really need to learn how to self soothe. This is one of the essential keys to healing and staying well so it is worth exploring anything and everything that makes you feel a bit better and lifts your spirits.

    I still have flare-ups and on those days I make myself a comforting hot water bottle, I either snuggle in bed or make a comfy nest on the settee, and I read or listen to inspiring/relaxing things, or watch a movie. I give myself some time off to rest and replenish. I don't engage with any emotional work on such days, I let it be and let any emotions rise naturally. Healing is very much about building a good relationship between your body and mind and these gentle days can help a lot with that.

    @HattieNC posted this lovely thread which has some great ideas on self care:

    http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/hope-for-those-that-take-a-long-time-to-heal.18332/ (Hope-for those that take a long time to heal)

    Sending you a big hug,

    Plum x
    linnyc87 and Mary80 like this.
  12. Mary80

    Mary80 Peer Supporter

    We are in the same boat ..I see.. my childhood's been difficult too, I fully understand.
    Thank you for those words It really helps to know that there's somebody who understands.. I like this forum..is filled of people helping..this give me hope and energy.
    So today was a bad day.. tomorrow will be better .
    On days like today I don't engage with emotional work too..I can only hear my sadness.
    It's going to be my next work to see all you suggested me .
    I really appreciated all your help. :)
    plum and Nzombro like this.

Share This Page