I have read Dr. Sarno and totally believe in his theories. I am confused however how to us those theories when dealing with ongoing stress. I know that many times changing a situation can play a major part, however with a husband with dementia the stress is ongoing and daily. And yes, I know all of the usual ideas like getting time away, meditation, centering, help, etc. But, the emotions of sadness, loneliness, and yes anger about it are difficult to rid oneself of. How to move on with the TMS theory given all of that. Thank you.
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Cactusflower
Beloved Grand Eagle
I’m sorry for your situation, @Glowing
It’s heavy.
I think the idea is not to make those emotions “go away”, but to feel them. That is a very hard thing to face, but I think you just have to cycle through these emotions and discover why, in your brain, you do not want to feel them, as well as their just being currently present. (I realize that Nobody wants to stay stuck in that state!) …
Can you have heaps of self-compassion for yourself? Do you make sure some of your own needs are met?
I just re-read Dani’s my tms journey website. The “road map” might be helpful to re-read along with her discussion of her personal benefits of pairing journalling with meditation. What I think what she convey’s is that you can learn to safely feel the emotions without being stuck under a constant overall cloud of them forever. (She also discusses feeling emotions, and how quickly emotions pass). Some of her journal prompts might be helpful or being up more ideas. If things continue to remain difficult for you, please consider getting some support, someone you can feel utterly safe with the darkness you feel. Moving on takes time. Perhaps focusing on day to day, the here and now can help a bit.
What practices do you utilize now?
It’s heavy.
I think the idea is not to make those emotions “go away”, but to feel them. That is a very hard thing to face, but I think you just have to cycle through these emotions and discover why, in your brain, you do not want to feel them, as well as their just being currently present. (I realize that Nobody wants to stay stuck in that state!) …
Can you have heaps of self-compassion for yourself? Do you make sure some of your own needs are met?
I just re-read Dani’s my tms journey website. The “road map” might be helpful to re-read along with her discussion of her personal benefits of pairing journalling with meditation. What I think what she convey’s is that you can learn to safely feel the emotions without being stuck under a constant overall cloud of them forever. (She also discusses feeling emotions, and how quickly emotions pass). Some of her journal prompts might be helpful or being up more ideas. If things continue to remain difficult for you, please consider getting some support, someone you can feel utterly safe with the darkness you feel. Moving on takes time. Perhaps focusing on day to day, the here and now can help a bit.
What practices do you utilize now?
MWsunin12
Beloved Grand Eagle
First of all, I want to say that I feel empathy for you. I have a good friend with dementia and watching her "leave" day by day is horrible. I'm very sorry to hear this is your husband, and the stress is ongoing.
Sarno's theory is that you don't have to eliminate or avoid stress (in your case, you can't). It's that you have to tell your brain/mind that you are willing to process the emotions, without the brain trying to protect you from feeling like they are life-threatening by creating distracting symptoms. In your case, how could you not feel rage, even if you would never consciously express it to anyone?
Our society makes it shameful to feel angry at someone who is incapacitated, so I'm guess the number of people you have to express your emotions to about this are limited. At the least, you might find it helpful to let fly on the page....even if you write swear words ....over and over for a full page. (I've done it...got it out of me). I hope you do have a friend or two that can listen to you and what you are having to live with every day.
I wish you resilience.
Sarno's theory is that you don't have to eliminate or avoid stress (in your case, you can't). It's that you have to tell your brain/mind that you are willing to process the emotions, without the brain trying to protect you from feeling like they are life-threatening by creating distracting symptoms. In your case, how could you not feel rage, even if you would never consciously express it to anyone?
Our society makes it shameful to feel angry at someone who is incapacitated, so I'm guess the number of people you have to express your emotions to about this are limited. At the least, you might find it helpful to let fly on the page....even if you write swear words ....over and over for a full page. (I've done it...got it out of me). I hope you do have a friend or two that can listen to you and what you are having to live with every day.
I wish you resilience.