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Once you control the fear...

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by SSG, Aug 20, 2014.

  1. SSG

    SSG Peer Supporter

    Hi! I've listened and read many stories and advice about taking the fear out of the equation to begin healing from TMS? I realize this will vary from person to person, but I would love to hear how long it took for YOUR pain to heal once you decided to stop fearing?? I know fear plays a huge factor in this for me, and the idea of making the choice to stop fearing, resonates with me. However, it will be a choice I will have to make a 1000 times per day. I feel I'm close to getting to "that decision point," but recently I think my attempts have failed when the pain is just as strong 2-3 days later. I return to the fear.
     
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  2. North Star

    North Star Beloved Grand Eagle

    SSG, I can so relate! One thing I do is listen to some of my favorite music to get my mind off of things. I enjoy many genres of music but one song I turn to frequently is Rodney Atkins' "If You're Going Through Hell" ("keep on going….") It always gets my toe tapping and lifts my spirits.

    Once in while too, I'll read Winston Churchill's speech that has the "Never, never, never give up!" quote. It cheered England during their darkest days of WWII and it will cheer you in your fear battles.

    One foot in front of the other…even if you're limping. :);)
     
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  3. SSG

    SSG Peer Supporter

    Thank you, North Star! I love that song, and I actually had that quote from Churchill engraved on my son's iPod...good reminder to me too!

    I'm mad, sad, and just OVERWHELMINGLY FRUSTRATED about this. I am thankful that it's not worse...as I know so many others are suffering, but this is not how I want to live for one day longer!! :/
     
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  4. tarala

    tarala Well known member

    North Star I'd never actually read that full quote before (just looked it up). I think I shall put it on the fridge. Thanks for the idea.
     
    yb44 and North Star like this.
  5. tarala

    tarala Well known member

    SSG there is a great post about fear by Alan Gordon in a current ask a therapist thread, titled " tried everything I'm desperate. "
     
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  6. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    I love putting reminder notes on the fridge.
    My favorite is: "Lord, make me be the man my dog think I am."
     
    Seraphina, SSG, Peggy and 2 others like this.
  7. tarala

    tarala Well known member

    That's hilarious Walt. I also like what you said elsewhere about if it doesn't worry your dog it shouldn't worry you.
     

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  8. North Star

    North Star Beloved Grand Eagle

    SSG, Very cool about that quote! And yeah, I'm pretty frustrated too right now. I remind myself they're *just* feelings. (Easier said than done at times!)

    Tarala, so glad you looked up the rest of that speech - it is powerful, isn't it?

    Walt, Wisdom According to Annie should be your next book. I think it would be a delightful read. I think you should get a little smoking jacket for the Canine Sage to wear for the author photo on the dust jacket.
     
  9. Colly

    Colly Beloved Grand Eagle

    SSG we all share your frustrations. TMS is a pain in the ass! I'm going through a relapse at the moment. The initial couple of weeks of this relapse made me mourn for the pain-free life I had previously, but after this initial period I have tired to sit with the pain and become comfortable with it, just accepting it as it is and working on soothing my mind. I've been doing morning and evening meditation to help me with this, also have started singing again and am finding this very soothing. Remember, it's all about our rage/soothe ratio so try to bring more soothing into your day in whatever way you can.

    Last weekend I decided I would get back in the pool and swim and put off running until I was ready. I love running but am unable to do this at the moment (fear being a big factor, but also putting too much emphasis on this being my big source of joy, to the exclusion of everything else). If you can't do stuff, try/find something else. As Diane Nyad says in this very inspiring TED "find a way".

    Just accept the TMS is here for a while and go with the flow, finding ways to enjoy your day. I also relish every conversation I have at work, always soaking up the other person's point of view and injecting some fun and laughter along the way. I also reflect every night on those moments of joy in the day, even if they're just a quick chat with the barista over my morning coffee, or chats with the my favourite veggie stall man and butcher on the weekends. Relish and relive these moments of joy, as they send good warm and fuzzy healing signals to your nervous system.

    Do watch this TED as Diana is so inspiring. When I swam last weekend one of her quotes came into my head. She said "NEVER EVER GIVE UP".

     
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2014
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  10. North Star

    North Star Beloved Grand Eagle

    Wow. This is just awesome…. I love swimming so many times one of my favorite visualizations is swimming in the ocean.

    And holy cow. What an accomplishment.

    PS Colly, Lynne Cox's "Swimming to Antarctica" is an inspiring read.
     
    Last edited: Aug 20, 2014
  11. Colly

    Colly Beloved Grand Eagle

    Cool thanks North Star, I'll get hold of this. I love inspiring people like Diana. People like her make me realise what the human body is capable of!
     
  12. Alan Gordon LCSW

    Alan Gordon LCSW TMS Therapist

    SSG, it's not just about changing your relationship with the fear, it's about changing your relationship with fear and taking a stance of outcome independence. If you significantly reduce the fear, but you're monitoring the pain to see how it responds, you're still preoccupied with the symptoms and thus reinforcing them. Don't stand up to the fear to get rid of your symptoms, stand up to the fear to authentically feel more empowered. The pain will fade when it no longer has any power over you.

    http://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/A_Word_About_Outcome_Independence,_by_Alan_Gordon,_LCSW
     
  13. yb44

    yb44 Beloved Grand Eagle

    This is weird...or very apt. I read this before going to sleep last night and about how Tarala put the quote on her fridge. I could hear Winston Churchill reciting this phrase in my dream repeatedly. All of a sudden Winston started reciting "the only thing to fear is fear itself" over and over again with me half consciously willing myself to remember this when I woke up. I just checked the quote because I knew it wasn't Churchill's. It's from Franklin D. Roosevelt's first inaugural address. I wondered why I kept hearing this specific phrase until I realised just now that fear is the topic of this thread. Wow! :wacky:
     
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  14. North Star

    North Star Beloved Grand Eagle

    YB44, this way fun. It never ceases to amaze me at how our unconscious can church things around only to pop up in that twilight between awake and asleep. Roosevelt's quote is refrigerator-worthy also.

    Alan, You just blow my mind on a regular basis. Any chance you could clone yourself and send one to Montana for a few sessions? (Ah, one can dream…) The tweak of perspective, ie, don't stand up to the fear to try to reduce, stand up to the pain to be empowered. That is so very powerful.

    It reminds me of the dynamic I saw time and time again in religious circles where they'd be quoting Scriptures to "claim" whatever it was they wanted. (They usually never got the desired outcomes.) In never rang true with me back then and now I understand a little more WHY. And it also helps me understand even more some of the underpinnings of my rage - the disappointed expectations.
     
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2014
  15. SSG

    SSG Peer Supporter

    Oh my! I can't believe so many of you have been so kind to respond. My heart is filled. To be honest...I had been checking my email for alerts, but wasn't getting any about this particular thread (I only saw the first one from North Star), so when I went on to the forum and saw that there were 13-14 responses...I was stunned! Anyway, thank you for all of your wonderful insights and suggestions!

    Colly, I watched the video from Diana Nyad...what an amazing woman and so inspirational! I love how you said "Just accept the TMS is here for a while and go with the flow, finding ways to enjoy your day." That rings true to me...and I will definitely take it to heart!!
     
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  16. SSG

    SSG Peer Supporter

    Mr. Gordon,

    Thank you so much for your information about Outcome Independence. I had not seen this post/thread before, but your writing about breaking through the fear (I'm paraphrasing) being so foundational for healing was so important for me to read! Now, that I've read about Outcome Independence...you have hit the nail on the head. It is EXACTLY what I do...a million times a day. I am CONSTANTLY checking to see what outcomes I get with different types of activities, walking this way, or that, placing more pressure on my toes, heal, etc. It is exhausting, and never turns out good. So, I will definitely begin implementing this strategy tonight!

    I would also agree with North Star...any chance of cloning and coming to VA? :)

    On a side note, I have been listening to your YouTube videos with Forrest, Dr. Schubiner, and others entitled Stress and Pain Conference (Part 1 and 2). Those are very insightful! Thanks!!!
     
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  17. North Star

    North Star Beloved Grand Eagle

    SSG- This is a pretty wonderful community, isn't it?
     
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  18. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, North Star. The TMSWiki community is really wonderful.

    I love the swimming video.

    SSG, maybe not check so frequently on how to feel.
    Don't monitor your progress. Just let healing happen.
     
    North Star likes this.
  19. SSG

    SSG Peer Supporter

    Yes, it sure is North Star! I love how the essence of people truly wanting to help comes out in almost every post!

    Walt, thank you...good point!
     
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