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Official Day 1

Barb M.

Barb M.

Peer Supporter
I've been hanging around here for a few weeks and am picking today, my 53rd Birthday, to make the commitment to do the SEP for real. I just did the activities and made notes, started an evidence sheet, etc. This is what I wrote for the "question to ponder": What would a life without TMS mean to you?

I read this question about a week ago and immediately my pain increased (This is definitely going on my evidence list for an argument for TMS). Although I hate the pain, it is very familiar. For so long my life has revolved around the pain. It is actually quite terrifying, the thought of being without it. Just one example, I know that I use my pain as an excuse for not going places. If I felt well, I don't know if I would actually want to go? Or if I still wouldn't want to go places? I'm an extreme introvert and am usually quite content to just be with my husband. I also don't know that I trust myself that if I didn't have pain I wouldn't start working myself too hard again. I was so achievement oriented before the pain (Ph.D., 4 published books, active counseling practice, etc....) , and the pain definitely slowed me down. I don't trust myself. That is one of my goals – I want to learn to protect the "inner child" who doesn't want to be overworked and who wants to have time for fun and relaxation.

This is a great group of people on this forum. As an example of my personality, I feel guilty posting because I know someone is going to take the time to reply to me. People have already written such helpful responses. I have to tell myself that I deserve healing and try not to feel guilty.
 
Hi Barb. I understand your comment of the thought of being without the pain being terrifying. I get that. It is such a part of my identity, I can't imagine life without it. But, I want to try. I really, really do. I want to be free of it. I'm working towards that and know I will be at some point. Right now, I'm trying to be gentle with myself and not put too much pressure on healing too quickly. That's hard too. Hang in there! You've come to the right place!
 
Hi Barb. Thanks for sharing this. I'm on day 2 :) Yes it is hard to know who we would be without the pain. I like to think I would be happy and free. Most of us had to slow down or stop working altogether for a time. I think I needed the rest but feel ready to be free of it!
 
A life without pain would mean I never would have learned bout TMS. It's worth it.
There are so many side-effects to TMS knowledge, besides becoming pain-free.
I doubt we're ever totally or permanently pain-free, since every day has its stresses.
but knowing about TMS we can handle them.
 
Hi Barb,

I had similar fears, but after being mostly pain free for over a year, I learned not to let the pain define me. I can still choose to not go out much, be the introvert I am, choose to be busy or not, with or without pain. That is outcome independence. Be who you are.

Best wishes on your healing journey...
 
One of the TMS traits is not being able to say NO. Dr. Gabor Mate' wrote When The Body Says No. In other words when you can't say No... your body says NO for you. I have such a terrible fear of rejection. Saying No makes other people unhappy with me. But I have learned to say NO and manage all the emotional stress and anxiety that turns into a physical symptom. You will learn all these tools too.

I also have such low self-esteem (TMS trait) that I too feel guilty when someone takes the time to help me. Well, you are worth it. We are all here for you. You will do just great.
 
I can certainly identify with you, as my TMS symptoms have stopped me from going to social events I would rather not attend. I realised, if I recovered would I have the assertiveness to say "no" when I don't want to go? Learning about boundaries has really helped me in this area. I'm also growing in self-compassion and accepting my personality as it is.

Anyway, all the best with the SEP! I just recently finished it and thought it was excellent. :)
 
Oprah always said "it's easier to change a no to a yes than change a yes to a no." It's something I like to remember when I am committing to something I am not sure about. It also gives my goodist personality a way out, a way to say no.
 
Dahia, thanks for te web site summary. I stopped accepting invitations I didn't really care about long ago.
I only accept the ones I really care about. That leaves me more time for myself. Maybe just to do nothing but relax.
 
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