Now what?

[Waterbear]

I’m been thinking about repressed feelings and I think I maybe have figured something out. I think I’m having a case of “Now what?”

In terms of the “ideal American child”, I’ve done everything my family wanted me to do. I’ve done everything they said would bring me happiness.

I’ve been restless and I haven’t been able to figure out why. I think I might have. My entire life, literally my entire life, has been spent trying to achieve goals:


Get on the varsity team

Get a degree

Get a house

Get a guy

Get a career

etc…

So now I have all these things and I’m like, “Well, hell, I’m only 30. Now what?”

The easy answer is “get married and start a family”, but we are both career oriented people so it’s only kind of on our radar, not a priority one thing. I certainly don’t want to do it just because its the, “next step”. I’m not one for the easy way out. I'm not sure if that's the right path for me. Maybe, maybe not.


Its very strange, after such a long hard push to get here, that now that I’m here, I don’t know what to do. I’m not complaining. I have a good life, but I just kind of don’t know what’s next.


Anyone else been through this?

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Waterbearer.
I've been there, about "Now what?"

I should have been happy once I realized my "dream job," of being a reporter for the
Chicago Tribune. But over seven years it bored me, covering murders, robberies, disasters.
I wanted to write more positive subjects, so I quit at the age of about 35 and became editor
of a feature magazine. I liked that until it folded. I then became travel editor of a national
automobile insurance company and liked that, but still felt I was not doing what I should be.
It was a blessing in disguise when I was pressured out of that job after three years
and I wondered, at the age of 40, what I should do next. I decided on a financially risky future
by becoming a fulltime freelance writer. I'm still at it, after 40 years, with more than that
number of books published. Still just surviving financially each month, but happy in that
I took what I felt was the right direction for me.

A close friend wanted to become a television news host. He had a law degree, was handsome,
young, and had a great speaking voice. But he didn't have the courage to follow his dream
so he settled for being a real estate lawyer in a small town.

You're only 30. You have a long life ahead of you. Make a list of the occupations you would
like to try, and try the one you most want. You may still be a wife and mother.
God works in not only mysterious ways but I always say "circuitous" ways.
One thing leads to another.

My favorite author, F. Scott Fitzgerald, wrote about young man who was disillusioned when
he returned from World War I and asked a priest what he should do next. The priest replied,
"Do the next thing." We all have choices we can make about our future. Decide to follow
one of them and it will lead to the next until you reach what you were meant to be.

 

[Eric "Herbie" Watson]

Waterbear I have been through this, I think we all go through this. Just take 1 small step at a time, you don't have to have something laid out to accomplish right this moment. You can take your time and let all of the pressure to do the next thing settle, then when it all settles - the next thing will just come to you and you will feel it in your gut, your intuition will let you know the next thing to do but if you try to force it -- it will feel like you are being pressured and you won't feel comfortable doing whatever your next step might be.
Do you meditate, if so in you meditations the answer will come but answers rarely come while we're in the midst of pressure ok. Just lighten up on yourself and know in time the truth or your next step will just come to you ok, bless you.

 

[Ellen]

So now I have all these things and I’m like, “Well, hell, I’m only 30. Now what?”

The easy answer is “get married and start a family”, but we are both career oriented people so it’s only kind of on our radar, not a priority one thing. I certainly don’t want to do it just because its the, “next step”. I’m not one for the easy way out. I'm not sure if that's the right path for me. Maybe, maybe not.

Hi Waterbear,

Walt and Eric have given you good advice. I'll just add that in no way is starting a family "the easy way out". As you know from reading all the threads about parenting on this Forum, it is probably the hardest thing you will take on, if you decide to do so.

It sounds to me like it is time for you to relax and enjoy the fruits of your labor for awhile. Working toward goals can be a way of avoiding the present by always focusing on the future. If that has been your mindset for most of your life, it will take awhile to "unlearn" it and learn a new way of being. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with working toward a goal, but it needs to be something you feel passionately about in the present, and it doesn't sound like you are there yet.