Nothing to lose

[Segastar]

I know i said i would stop posting but i figured i'd get some thoughts here.

For anybody curious i had posted a few times about experiencing hand pain/tendonitis type symptoms from playing video games and doing a lot of outside yard work starting recently in June and i took a break cause i felt like i had seriously done some damage to the tendons in my hands, it wasn't getting much better, couldn't use a computer for three weeks, and i had went to a hand doctor who prescribed me medicine that had horrible side effects on me. (Read my other posts for more detail)

Fast forward to now, been dealing with tendon tightness in my middle fingers where my middle fingers would almost straighten out on their own when i lifted my hand up. (Go back to my post about trigger finger) Between last month and now I had read Healing Back pain, still working on going to read Mindbody Prescription.

I was debating on whether i should go back to the hand doctor cause of this fear I had of them finding more things wrong (doc didn't see any real signs of things like arthritis, and i wasn't experiencing enough numbness to have him test me for "carpal tunnel" or other nerve tests)

Reading a few more success stories, and realizing the little amount of money i have........I'm just gonna give the TMS approach a try and try to move forward comfortably and do things (pandemic not withstanding). Putting off the hand doctor followup might be risky, but i just can't afford to spend the money at the moment.

Today i got to hang out with my best friend and had a good man to man talk which cleared my mind of a lot of things that were bothering me.

What do i have to lose? I'm slowly resuming activities i enjoy and even picking up old ones i had neglected (golfing). The pain i was having is still there, my tendons are still tight but as others have mentioned, that's what i got to do.

 

[Segastar]

Cancelled my follow up appointment with the hand doctor. Reading through more success stories, i'm sure i have TMS. The finger issue might be a slight issue, but i have not broken my finger or the tendon, can still use both hands fine albeit with some weakness and maybe some minor tingling. Finally started doing some journaling and gonna try to do more self care for myself. I try to be nice to everyone and be there for others, but rarely do i give myself the same attention. I think I'll manage fine, i got a fairly high pain tolerance so even if it takes some time to get over, i think i can get over this hurdle. Just gonna do more activities i love, might even get back into cycling too, i used to do it a lot but i had to stop due to knee issues, which may or may not be TMS related.

We'll see! Thanks to everybody who has responded to my other posts.

 

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Update......
Hand pain is creeping back and now I got new symptoms or just ones I didn't notice or think much of....

Hand and body shakiness (like anxiety maybe) which is a near constant thing. I had mentioned to a waitress about how I tend to eat a lot and sometimes not feel full and she mentioned it could be my blood sugar and now I've had thoughts of possible diabetes which doesn't run in my family but it is somewhat making me nervous and Im trying not to think of it.
Been hard for me to find time to journal but been taking time to talk to friends and stuff.

Been playing video games without pain but the shaking and slight numbness in my hands is enough to get me considering maybe taking considerable time away from them until I see more improvements

I'm a bit concerned I have still damaged my hands somehow but I'm not sure. Reading some of Sarnos stuff again to try and remind myself that this is probably all TMS. I used to go to video game tournaments weekly and be at a part time job doing retail work (repetitive work with a price scanner for 20-30 hours a week) and I didn't notice really any major issues.....maybe I can't go back to quite that same level of function but I need to stop delaying trying out the TMS approach because the longer I keep pushing through the slight pain and hand shakiness the worse it will probably be to get rid of it.......

It doesn't help all my hobbies (listening to music, reading, playing video games, golfing, working out among other things) all use my hands in some way and they just feel weak and I can't grip things as easily....

What do I do........Im broke and just tired of it all

 

[Segastar]

My middle fingers don't seem to be trying to lift up as much, someone mentioned that could be something to do with flipping people off and I was doing that a lot the last few months so I've tried to slowly break that habit.

Did a lot of hard yard work today that involved a lot of pruning with hand pruners. My hands feel pretty weak but I didn't feel any noticeable pain so I guess that's something........

 

[Segastar]

Been reading the Mindbody Prescription so i guess it's good to see my middle fingers definitely not lifting up as much......but the feeling that the tendons of both of my middle fingers feel thick and swollen and when my hands are in certain positions, they are quite prominient. Also still experiencing some shakiness and some strange tingling/numbness but its not that noticeable. No excruciating pain but lifting things feel weird, as if the thick swollen tendons is making lifting hard. I'm trying not to push it, but i still have things to do so i've just tried to remind myself that im most likely not really injured that much. I know i post a lot on here, im just.......i tend to overthink a lot and get worried.


I appreciate all of you and i love reading some of the success stories, especially the RSI related ones cause i can't say how long it will take me to get over these issues but i hope to someday get past all this.
Been looking to return to the gym at some point, might just do more cardio and walking activities, stay away from lifting and using the computer (only cause i spend way too much time on it)

 

[Tms_joe]

RSI would at times lock my right hand up like vice grips. Had to use the left hand to pry it open. It was TMS. The success story and others are on here.

It’s super clear you are living in fear. I bet you could read your posts and even see that? Today or 10 years from now, you’ll decide that you must focus more on living your life whether tha pain is here for the rest of it or not. Good luck.

 

[Segastar]

RSI would at times lock my right hand up like vice grips. Had to use the left hand to pry it open. It was TMS. The success story and others are on here.

It’s super clear you are living in fear. I bet you could read your posts and even see that? Today or 10 years from now, you’ll decide that you must focus more on living your life whether tha pain is here for the rest of it or not. Good luck.

You're right. I'm living in fear. I'm trying my best to resume activities i like doing, but it is difficult when my fingers just dont cooperate. I've been taking time away from not flooding the forums with posts. Thank you for responding. I need to remind myself this isn't something i'm gonna fix in a week or so. It's gonna take more time and work and i need to do it.

 

[Segastar]

Um.........somehow this isn't painful but goodness if it isn't noticeable. Should i be concerned about this? Has anybody had their knuckles and fingers like this.

I am going back to work finally, and im nervous, but i think i can handle it but any encouragement is helpful.

 

[Segastar]

I'm the kind of person who worries about everything.......so seeing how my knuckles are swollen and my tendons feel tight and stiff i guess makes me panic? Picking up items like grocery bags or other stuff feels weird. It's like my hand is weak and not gripping things properly, i haven't dropped anything yet but it doesn't feel right compared to like a year ago when i was working out and stuff. I used to work as a cashier holding onto a price scanner all day, moving items in and out of bags and go home and play video games and rarely feel that much pain unless i have a high tolerance. Now even with possible going back to that same job, i don't know if i can even handle a few hours of doing that kind of work.........i wish i could describe the feeling in my hands, it just doesn't feel right! Those first two fingers on both of my hands just burn and feel tight constantly. I've even tried to reduce the hours i use the computer/game and read books and stuff, but my hands just shake, tighten up, and burn even when doing the littliest things like reading........

I constantly feel depressed at home, under pressure to get back to work, and among so much else. I'm trying to go back to work, my hands don't quite hurt, but they are so discomforting and trying to do things like lifting and stuff is very uncomfortable. My body just constantly shakes as if my blood sugar is off, which i haven't been tested for diabetes yet but i can't until i get more money coming in.

Also i can't even ride a bike now like i used to, whenever i pedal, i feel this god awful pain in my knees so mark that off the list of things i've had to somehow give up.

So what the hell do i have.....TMS, Parkinson's? Diabetes? Rheumatoid Arthritis? Neuropathy, Permanently Damaged Tendons.......i really don't even care about the video games at this point. I'm tired of feeling like my hands just won't cooperate and im so broke i can't go get tests done so i have to go back to work and suffer..........


I'm so close to just deleting my account on here. I want to start the SEP but i just can't get myself to do it. I hate waking up and my hands just burn and feel weak and numb........