Not sure where i have reached, here is my journey

Six months back I had my first muscle spasm at upper back (right side should blade) when I was washing(while bending) my clothes. It hurt a lot. After series of check up and physiotherapy it was as it is. I took muscle relaxants as prescribed and did physio + UltraSound heating at my back. All relieved just for few moment. I was in searching for permanent cure.

I searched online.Felt I spend too much time on my laptop (Computer science student) So, Did yoga jogging exercise aerobics. All helped only to my body ACTIVE AND FRESH but that spasm remained as it is. That tight knot on my back. It was so painful continously. All that I did helped to made my body active and fit but it didn't made spasm go away.

Currently I am in 7th semester and I am planning to join software house soon. My current situation frustrated me. And doctor suggested to sit straight while using laptop and minimize laptop use and take lots of breaks. But I am student of computer science!!!

Read a lot of book and tried many exercise, many days of pain frustration. I read people not cured from 20-30 years and comment as live with it. Make pain part of your life. I was sad depressed.

I was angry at my situation. Threw all medicine into dustbin. Deleted books and history of things i read online. I wanted to restart my prespective on this back pain. I began keen observation on myself to find out causes of back pain. I realized all my wrong posture of while walking, sleeping sitting and bending(washing clothes). I made commitment to change my posture and it didn't last that long. Utterly frustrated.

I read sarno's book and toss it away. I didn't understood a bit. I needed a instant solution to my problem because my 7th semester exams are near and I remember the pain I went through on my exam (6th sem) while sitting. I focused on my sitting. I modified my chair changed cushion, changed my bed and way i sat walk move turn. After doing that forcefully for few days I felt less human, more robot. I remember myself as application of my subject artificial intelligence!!!

I had lots of spasm on my upper back on either side of shoulder and on shoulder, neck. I have spasm, tightness then have bulge. Small bulge. Then after few days it would shrink and there would be patch very dark patch on my skin. Looked at those patches my taking pictures. I feared more. I went to check up with skin specialist (4 doctors , MD's in skin). It was all normal But after few days that patch went away. Again at other portion of upper back i had same cycle. Spasm. Small bulge. Shrink. Dark patch on skin. Clean. Again at other place.

I realized that all this way in six months i continuously had headache. before or after spasm I had headache. Then i re-read sarno's book then I was there in the book. Then I read Pain free for life by scott brady. I had AHA moment when i read the word "spiritual health". Then i realized all 3oo+ books and other articles i read on spirituality that had completely shatter my inner world few years back. I was in total chaos anger guilt.

Now, i have that tightness in neck area. The same cycle. That dark patch.

I dont know i am on right track or not. I have realized its TMS. But i am not 100% sure. Some time i feel its 100% TMS but then that confidence keeps on fluctuating when angry sad it gets 0% and in anger i say "why the hell is this not working? when will it work?" I have felt spasm increasing as I get angry.

Thats my journey. I need help advice from people in this community. Thanks.

 

Hi Silentflutes,

I would say you're in the right place. Read this site's "SUCCESS STORIES" section and you will find many who have been cured who sound like you. If you want to read one more book--hopefully your last--self-help book, I would recommend Steven Ray Ozanich's great TMS tome "THE GREAT PAIN DECEPTION: Faulty Medical Advice Is Making Us Worse".

Cheers,
tt

 

Hi, silentflutes. I like that name. Very restful.

Your anger creates TMS, and the Structured Educational Program, free in the subforum of this web site, will help you to discover and deal with the emotions that cause pain.

I suggest you watch the YouTube videos by Dr. Sarno for excellent explanations of TMS and healing.

 

Wow this forum is responsive. Thanks for advice I checked steven ray ozanich's videos on youtube. I got few ideas.

Honestly, the sarno book which i read, i found in torrent. In my country we dont find these book and if we rarely do it is beyond my afford. I couldn't find the ozanich book on torrent. Can you suggest any free options aprt from this forum?

 

Wow you pointed to my name And i came to another realization. Thank you a lot for just pointing to it. I always loved the word silentflutes. Why? I repressed all my feeling and i feel that if people want to know my goodnes they have to find themselves in me. I stay silent repressing myself and flute, i have my own inner world where i need to be happy.. I always love the word, it came to me when i was much hurt. Now i am realizing the word silentflute points my repression!!! Wow...thanks a lot for that one sentence.

My exams are near so i just checked divided mind video on youtube. And as exam is nearing my neck is getting stiffer n all those painful memories of pain while sitting from last exam