Sadly, it sounds like your brain has you right where it wants you, which is living in fear and regret and "emotional sensitivity" (which yes, is a TMS equivalent) - to the point where you will stay safely at home and not risk going out into the world. TMS is really just a survival mechanism, which in the modern world doesn't work well, and which in some people goes completely haywire. To escape this, you have got to take control over your brain and fight back against the irrational fears. Which is not easy. But it can be done if you're committed and consistent.
You're willing to stay the course - which is good - but your current course isn't really working, so it's time to make a commitment to something that is more coherent and which leads to growth and to independence from fear.
Did you ever try one of our programs? They're free, and don't require any kind of signup. For you, I would recommend the Structured Educational Program - just one day at a time - or less. Take it as slowly as you need to, but make a commitment to doing it honestly. Among other things, it encourages finding a writing technique that works for you. The most important thing I learned was seeing clearly how my brain tried to sabotage me - trying to convince me to not write certain things down, that they weren't really important enough, and it would be okay to skip over them. I had to literally force myself to write things down even though I really really did not want to, usually out of guilt or shame. You gotta do it.
I'm now a true believer in the power of writing shit down. Not necessarily "journaling" which brings to mind keeping a journal that you go back and read. This is not only unnecessary, but I believe it's very counter-productive, because you're much more likely to edit what you write if you think it's going to become some kind of permanent record. No, my nightly writings are just an unloading of my end-of-day thoughts, concerns, and irritations, in whatever way they come out of my head, followed by at least one good thing that happened, and at least one thing that I'm grateful for. This is all scribbled on scrap paper which is immediately recycled (if I lived with someone I would probably shred what I write, even though it's mostly quite illegible). I have always believed in going back to writing when I'm having a setback, but after many years, I made a commitment to doing it nightly a couple of months ago(?) and thank goodness I did, because it's really helpful, and it certainly helps me sleep better.
If you're resistant to doing the SEP, my next recommendation is to find this podcast: The Cure For Chronic Pain with Nichole Sachs, LCSW. Start with #1 and keep going. You can get Nichole's book, or you can purchase her program online.
Either of these should mesh just fine with the emotional work you're doing with your pain coach.
But you have to do something concrete. Floundering around on the forum hoping to come across the one thing that will fix you is ultimately as useful as constantly scanning multiple news sources hoping to hear something new and hopeful about the coronavirus - it's not going to accomplish anything other than feed your brain's desire to keep you in fear (and I know what I'm talking about - who doesn't, right now?) Believe me, though - you are not alone. Most of the people who continue to struggle are doing the same.
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