Streamflash
New Member
Hello everyone, I’m relatively new to TMS and I’m looking for a bit of insight and support. And first off, I'm so sorry for how long this is. I wasn't sure how much info to give...
My name is Jewell, and to start things off, I’ve already experienced some success with TMS! I had terrible nerve pain in my hands – burning pain that came back negative for CTS but that wouldn’t go away. After discovering TMS, I realized that I meet the personality types to a T and, honestly? I was desperate for an explanation. So I started to use the skills in TMS and now when my hands start to burn, I immediately stop and start to reflect, try to find the buried feelings, and often times it gets better.
My story is… complicated. When I was very young I had a ‘mystery illness’. It would hit every few months, last for a month, and then vanish. I went through test after test, was misdiagnosed multiple times, told I was crazy (I had awful doctors) and generally told time and time again that it was all in my head. I developed severe anxiety, depression, and PTSD over this illness. Because it would always come. It would give me warning signs and no matter how hard I tried to fight it, it would flare and I’d be taken over and I’d suffer for a month or more, and no doctors believed me. This lasted for 18 years.
I was almost killed with a misdiagnosis, which gave me a severe mistrust and fear of doctors. And I overheard a doctor when I was 12 tell her colleague “she won’t live to see 25”. So from the age of 12-25 I was preparing to die. I fully believed I’d die. I didn’t tell anyone. And that was my life. I’ve experienced death after death in the family, and I was brought up in a very religious household that was crippling and co-dependent. Despite this, I love my parents more than anything. They’ve since realized how toxic the behavior was and they’ve escaped that mindset.
When I was 18, I grew out of the illness – which now has been found out to be a very rare strain of basilar artery migraine caused by a fall I took wherein my neck was permanently kinked. But all of this left its toll on me. I had crippling anxiety but didn’t tell anyone because I figured everyone lived like that. I had PTSD but didn’t know. I felt like it was my job to keep my family together. I raised my little sister when my mom was too busy with God. I didn’t know I was hurting myself.
Well… 3 years ago, after working a job that I loathed (they had me doing the work of 3 people in a part time basis) I left my work and slipped on a patch of black ice, dislocating my knee. Long story short, it required surgery and I needed to go on disability. I had my first surgery. It didn’t help. I was in a wheelchair for 8 months and eventually on crutches for 2 years.
And then my sister died. My little sister, whom I was in a fight with, who had moved across the country and gotten into a car wreck and died instantly. My world shattered. I shut down. My PTSD finally reared enough for me to see it.
I had my second surgery a few months later and it didn’t help, but I was found to have stage 3 arthritis under my kneecap. Still, the pain level shouldn’t have been that high, and on top of that, I was having severe hand and arm pain, to the point that I lost the ability to type. I was in daily pain, frustrated, and while I finally started going to therapy, my insurance company was hounding me for results.
Eventually I was given Long Term Disability. My psychologist has been a god send. I adore her, and she’s helped me find so many problems. But the pain hadn’t left. She diagnosed me with severe PTSD, GAD, MDD, Panic Disorder, and Phobias. A lot of my panic revolves around my health. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia not too long after.
Well… I found TMS not long after that and, using the methods, I’ve been able to regulate some of my hand pain. My problem is my arms. I’ve been finding trigger points all over my shoulderblades. I’ve had a deep, aching pain in the back of my right forearm for over 5 years that has been treated again and again as tennis elbow even though it isn’t. I’m 95% sure it’s TMS. It isn’t there constantly. Only when I type or use a mouse, or when I get anxious.
I was an artist before this. I was a writer before this. I KNOW TMS would attack my hands and my arms like this. When I switch hands to use my mouse, my other arm gets the same pain within a day or so.
I’m aware that the answer is likely TMS, and I’m not sure what I’m asking for except for maybe an agreement that this is TMS, and reassurance that this can get better with work. My setback is my PTSD. I never notice when I’m feeling negative emotions lately. I don’t feel emotions the way I did before. I’ve been anxious for so long in my life that I don’t notice when that anxiety spikes. My hands hurt and THEN I notice.
I guess I’m asking for some well wishes, or some support. You’re all so kind. You’ve changed my life by giving me a possibility, and for being so supportive of each other. I was holding back posting here because I didn’t think I could type this much. My fingers are going numb and heavy now, but I know it’s just TMS. Unfortunately I’m not sure how to use that knowledge. I’ve been working through the pain for months now (I was using dictation software for a year and then just started typing again) and it doesn’t seem to be getting much better. But then… I haven’t been working at TMS more than on the surface because I’m not sure how to start. The whole journey seems so daunting.
My name is Jewell, and to start things off, I’ve already experienced some success with TMS! I had terrible nerve pain in my hands – burning pain that came back negative for CTS but that wouldn’t go away. After discovering TMS, I realized that I meet the personality types to a T and, honestly? I was desperate for an explanation. So I started to use the skills in TMS and now when my hands start to burn, I immediately stop and start to reflect, try to find the buried feelings, and often times it gets better.
My story is… complicated. When I was very young I had a ‘mystery illness’. It would hit every few months, last for a month, and then vanish. I went through test after test, was misdiagnosed multiple times, told I was crazy (I had awful doctors) and generally told time and time again that it was all in my head. I developed severe anxiety, depression, and PTSD over this illness. Because it would always come. It would give me warning signs and no matter how hard I tried to fight it, it would flare and I’d be taken over and I’d suffer for a month or more, and no doctors believed me. This lasted for 18 years.
I was almost killed with a misdiagnosis, which gave me a severe mistrust and fear of doctors. And I overheard a doctor when I was 12 tell her colleague “she won’t live to see 25”. So from the age of 12-25 I was preparing to die. I fully believed I’d die. I didn’t tell anyone. And that was my life. I’ve experienced death after death in the family, and I was brought up in a very religious household that was crippling and co-dependent. Despite this, I love my parents more than anything. They’ve since realized how toxic the behavior was and they’ve escaped that mindset.
When I was 18, I grew out of the illness – which now has been found out to be a very rare strain of basilar artery migraine caused by a fall I took wherein my neck was permanently kinked. But all of this left its toll on me. I had crippling anxiety but didn’t tell anyone because I figured everyone lived like that. I had PTSD but didn’t know. I felt like it was my job to keep my family together. I raised my little sister when my mom was too busy with God. I didn’t know I was hurting myself.
Well… 3 years ago, after working a job that I loathed (they had me doing the work of 3 people in a part time basis) I left my work and slipped on a patch of black ice, dislocating my knee. Long story short, it required surgery and I needed to go on disability. I had my first surgery. It didn’t help. I was in a wheelchair for 8 months and eventually on crutches for 2 years.
And then my sister died. My little sister, whom I was in a fight with, who had moved across the country and gotten into a car wreck and died instantly. My world shattered. I shut down. My PTSD finally reared enough for me to see it.
I had my second surgery a few months later and it didn’t help, but I was found to have stage 3 arthritis under my kneecap. Still, the pain level shouldn’t have been that high, and on top of that, I was having severe hand and arm pain, to the point that I lost the ability to type. I was in daily pain, frustrated, and while I finally started going to therapy, my insurance company was hounding me for results.
Eventually I was given Long Term Disability. My psychologist has been a god send. I adore her, and she’s helped me find so many problems. But the pain hadn’t left. She diagnosed me with severe PTSD, GAD, MDD, Panic Disorder, and Phobias. A lot of my panic revolves around my health. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia not too long after.
Well… I found TMS not long after that and, using the methods, I’ve been able to regulate some of my hand pain. My problem is my arms. I’ve been finding trigger points all over my shoulderblades. I’ve had a deep, aching pain in the back of my right forearm for over 5 years that has been treated again and again as tennis elbow even though it isn’t. I’m 95% sure it’s TMS. It isn’t there constantly. Only when I type or use a mouse, or when I get anxious.
I was an artist before this. I was a writer before this. I KNOW TMS would attack my hands and my arms like this. When I switch hands to use my mouse, my other arm gets the same pain within a day or so.
I’m aware that the answer is likely TMS, and I’m not sure what I’m asking for except for maybe an agreement that this is TMS, and reassurance that this can get better with work. My setback is my PTSD. I never notice when I’m feeling negative emotions lately. I don’t feel emotions the way I did before. I’ve been anxious for so long in my life that I don’t notice when that anxiety spikes. My hands hurt and THEN I notice.
I guess I’m asking for some well wishes, or some support. You’re all so kind. You’ve changed my life by giving me a possibility, and for being so supportive of each other. I was holding back posting here because I didn’t think I could type this much. My fingers are going numb and heavy now, but I know it’s just TMS. Unfortunately I’m not sure how to use that knowledge. I’ve been working through the pain for months now (I was using dictation software for a year and then just started typing again) and it doesn’t seem to be getting much better. But then… I haven’t been working at TMS more than on the surface because I’m not sure how to start. The whole journey seems so daunting.
