new TMS symptom (forgetfulness / memory loss)?

[dreissner]

I have a very long history with TMS. Beginning over 10 years ago, I was first crippled by RSI (repetitive stress injury) to the point of having to quit my career. I finally found Sarno's book and the symptoms disappeared and never came back. Thereafter, I had many other TMS symptoms from which I made, in some cases, dramatic and over-night recoveries, including shoulder pain that had lasted for one year, multiple episodes of knee pain, and epididymitis (sounds obscure, but it is listed in the index of Sarno's book). The symptoms always appeared during a period of high stress. My entire TMS history is posted here:

http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/worried-about-shoulder-pain-and-my-tms-history.4501/

The shoulder pain is the most recent symptom I was able to banish. I was stuck on it for a year, with no progress. And when I suddenly remembered that "shoulder pain" is all over Sarno's book, and re-read the literature about TMS, the pain slowly faded over approximately 2-3 weeks. That was two months ago.

But when the shoulder pain disappeared, it was a very strange situation for me. Strange, because I am very used to struggling against something in my life. Throughout my life, and in the presence of the TMS symptoms, I became a great fighter, a very skilled struggler. I knew how to get absorbed into the symptoms (before I knew about TMS), I was an expert at doing all the (misleading) research that focused on physical causes. At one point I was even thinking about switching my entire career to medicine, and to go to medical school just to cure my own symptoms. The symptoms dominated my life day and night. I was completely crippled and debilitated by them. Even though the physical psychosomatic ailments were destroying my life, they were also serving an important purpose: They kept me so debilitated that I had to dis-engage from my life and everything happening around me. The symptoms gave me safety. They protected me in a way that nobody else could. What were the dangers they were protecting me from? From a lot of threatening feelings that were a result of the abuse I experienced in my childhood. I was able to finally unravel these complex and threatening feelings in psychotherapy. As a result I have become much more familiar with the role of the mind in illnesses in general.

Fast forward to today. Now that the shoulder pain is gone, I've begun obsessing over another symptom: memory loss, or forgetfulness. I have noticed in the last two months that I cannot recall in detail conversations I've had with people. I keep asking my friends "did we talk about this before?" because I'm afraid I will repeat something I already told them. This has been happening really frequently. And I've also noticed that several times I've misinterpreted something my friends said in a strange way. I do have to say that I've been meeting a lot of new people recently, and my dating life has also been more active than ever before. I've been seeing four women simultaneously (I am honest with them, and they know that I am currently dating, and am not being exclusive), and I had a lot of trouble keeping straight which of them had told me what. I kept mixing up details about their jobs, lives, and other personal details.

I'm really obsessing over it, to the point where I'm afraid to talk to people now. I'm concerned that this might be early-onset Alzheimer's, which I know would be unusual for my age of 36. I also know of someone who was diagnosed with Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease at the age of 50, and that has similar symptoms.

Any feedback would be very appreciated.

 

[Enrique]

Yeah, I think you are obsessing over it.

I think what you are describing is normal but if you are worried I suggest talking with your doctor about it.

I am somewhat forgetful myself. I keep notes on my phone for my neighbors names because I am terrible remembering names...great with faces though. Just this past Saturday I forgot the name of the mother of my son's soccer teammates. I've known this person for a couple years, but I could not recall her name...and I needed to ask her something. I know from experience that it will come to me in time but thankfully her husband is my friend on Facebook so I was able to quickly look it up.

I tell you this so you see you are not abnormal. I can't imagine having to keep track of four different women's lives! Oh the trouble I have with just one!!

 

[Ellen]

Fast forward to today. Now that the shoulder pain is gone, I've begun obsessing over another symptom: memory loss, or forgetfulness. I have noticed in the last two months that I cannot recall in detail conversations I've had with people. I keep asking my friends "did we talk about this before?" because I'm afraid I will repeat something I already told them. This has been happening really frequently. And I've also noticed that several times I've misinterpreted something my friends said in a strange way. I do have to say that I've been meeting a lot of new people recently, and my dating life has also been more active than ever before. I've been seeing four women simultaneously (I am honest with them, and they know that I am currently dating, and am not being exclusive), and I had a lot of trouble keeping straight which of them had told me what. I kept mixing up details about their jobs, lives, and other personal details.

I'm really obsessing over it, to the point where I'm afraid to talk to people now. I'm concerned that this might be early-onset Alzheimer's, which I know would be unusual for my age of 36. I also know of someone who was diagnosed with Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease at the age of 50, and that has similar symptoms.

Any feedback would be very appreciated.

I agree with Enrique that you are obsessing about this. That's a lot of conversations to keep straight, and I think most of us would have difficulty with it. I also wonder if the obsession over it isn't due to some inner conflict you have about seeing four women at once--a classic id vs superego conflict?

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Few things are as bad as forgetting the name of a good friend, or even a girlfriend, when introducing them to others.
That's happened to me. Funny thing is, I never forget the name of my dog.

 

[Marian]

I can't remember where I read the research, maybe in Steve O's book (?) with some connections between TMS and Alzheimers. I think it was to the effect that there is almost always severe repression of early abuse in Alzheimer's patients. I would definitely say that what you are experiencing, in light of your history, is your newest TMS symptom. Congratulations!

I think that because you are highly clever and suggestible, and because you've done so well getting rid of your symptoms, they've gotten much more clever. Dating four women at once, despite the fun you may be having, is also a highly stressful situation with possible landmines everywhere. All signs point to TMS.

 

[Tennis Tom]

They've made a disease out of aging, and in California it's against the law. If I were seeing four women at the same time--and they were all good with that--I would be getting forgetful too--from lack of sleep! (I'll run this one by my g.f.). Your fear of early Alz is TMS popping up again to act as a distraction--maybe your sub-c feels you don't deserve to be happy.

You are so far away from having to worry about Alz, dementia, or whatever they want to call it, it's funny. The longer we live the more data our conscious and un-c's absorb, creating more data we have to sift through to remember stuff. A good trick I've found to remember something is I quit trying and within a moment it pops into my head.

I don't sweat it anymore, I don't care if I can't remember people's names--those who care don't matter and those who matter don't care. That's what computers are for, storing data. I'd like to forget as much as I can to make room for cognitive thinking. Do more headstands, to get more O2 going to your brain. Think of its as reformatting your hard drive.

In the old days life was simpler, all you had to remember was to let the cows out in the morning and close the barn at night, we live in a more complex world today. People who can memorize gobs of data, regurgitate it get rewarded and get into Harvard. Doesn't mean they can think or solve any of the worlds problems, just get good at taking tests and getting good grades.

In the old days, "Granny was just getting forgetful", now getting old is a disease for the medical/industrial complex to make money off of inoculating us with fear along with the rest of w/man kind's ailments, that are 80% TMS.

 

[Marian]

Ha ha!! Well said, Tennis Tom.

 

[dreissner]

Thank you for all your support. I just wanted to update you guys, now 2.5 months later, this symptom completely resolved. I know it was just another way for me to panic about something being wrong with me. It's amazing how the subconscious mechanisms are.

 

[North Star]

I love that this thread popped up today with your great update, Dreissner! Fantastic! The strategies and symptoms are brain generates are endless.

Tennis Tom, I loved your post. Lots of wisdom there.