New symptom (sortof)

I hope so im not sure but i will look into it, thanks

 

It's been tough lately...

I have to sleep a lot during the day because i cant stay awake. Im in much pain and it makes me very tired. Today after i slept a bit i went to the toilet, after i stood up from the toilet my heart felt like it got squeezed with the heartbeat then gone then squeezed tightly again with the heartbeat and gone and after those 2 it got better in like 30 seconds. When my heart squeezed i couldnt breath much and at the same time with the squeeze i got dizzy both the 2 awful squeezes, it didn't feel right at all.. It was a hard squeeze. Anyway...

I already got a bit more depressing sicne my pain is so bad and my exhaustion but after this squeeze episode i completely broke down and cried a little even. Im desperate. I immidiately started thinking: what do you expect? from ur 18th to ur 29th uve been gaming/ working behind a pc for 16 hours each day. Ofcourse you develop all this shit. Plus from ur 18th u are a heavy drinker ( 30 beers a week atleast). Plus u got anxiety (also bad for ur heart and body) and last but not least u dont exercise most of the time. Sitting, drinking, no exercise, anxiety you probably are slowly killing yourself and your heart has shown you for about 4 years now where it got worse and worse. Next to that the chronique pain and fatigue is this all so weird look how i have been living..

The shitty part is that this situation makes it so i cant exercise and live a normal live because its a downwards circle that i cant get outof. Everytime i am full of hope and try to change i get grabbed by the ankles and pulled down again.

I can whine at this forum for 3 more years but the reality is i fucked up my life with this lifestyle and i got to deal with it i guess. Ofcourse there is a reason why i am living like this or atleast there was but now i cant get out of it and it feels like its too late. Im very fearful right now. It started after the heart episode, not before. So fear came after and fear didnt cause it.

Anyway i decided to sell my gaming pc today, because TMS or not its better to not game anymore anyway. If i want a chance of a decent life i got to quit gaming and start to live healthy as far as possible. Maybe i can turn things around a bit. Im also thinking about quitting my desk job again since im scared im on my way to heart disease if i dont already got a bit of it. It's sad because i love this job, but the pain and exhaustion makes it impossible to enjoy any bit of life besides it. I cant even enjoy the job anymore cause of the anxiety and pain.

I did start eating healthy for about 3 weeks now and i drank like 18 beers during january which isnt a lot for me (i drink a lot less since i started working and aiming to quit completely) but due to pain and anxiety i cant exercise.. and i sit all the time.

Im scared that my body is really harmed because of these 11 years of sitting and gaming etc and i feel like i have to stop using a computer and mobile again. I know if i quit these things i will feel about 70% better and maybe i should accept that last 30% and try to live with it. I will have to avoid computers etc but idk anymore. It just isnt working out for me and everyday i keep trying with TMS and keep telling myself i can work a pc is another day where i slowly kill myself i feel.... The thing is working a pc, mobile or playing tennis or whatever using that arm repetetively causes pain to increase it doenst feel like TMS. And im scared i will slowly kill myself if i keep this going.

Im just too depressed right now