New. Stuck panic and anxiety

[cp1]

Hello. I have been dealing with sever panic attacks and anxiety for seven years now. I started having panic attacks "out of the blue" 7 years ago. They subsided a bit over time, but them in 2011, they came back worse than ever and I've been stuck in this place since then. I had to stop working, etc. etc.

I have tried myriad therapies, all of which helped a little, some a lot, but I'm still stuck.

I believe in the idea that repressed rage or other emotions could be a major, if not the major, contributing factor in this. THrough voracious reading, I understand intellectually that I brought dysfunction from my childhood into my adulthood. Honestly, after areas of this, and years before that trying to figure out what was wrong with me as a person, I learned about codependency, people pleasing, and so many other things that I do that are destroying me.

But, I'm m still stuck. I try to stay relaxed through the anxiety. I try to let it be there, the jelly legs, the tense muscles, all of it. None of this physical stuff signing to shift until I can actually make changes to the behaviors. And this is where I can't make progress.

I guess I'm wondering how you get down into the subconscious stuff and really deal with it. Any tips would be appreciated. Thank you.

 

[cp1]

I should add that I am in therapy. I work with a Hakomi Therapist, which I like very much. I also do Transcendental Meditation faithfully. I have added in just some basic breathing meditation as well recently. I take small doses of a couple medications. I should do more in the area of exercise. I have been trying to do some basic stretching.

My biggest stuck area is self hatred. There are others, but using this as an example, how do you heal this? It seems like I've examined it from every angle, but it doesn't budge. And when you hate yourself, that's a big obstacle to asking for something you want, or being kind to yourself, or trusting that anything that comes from inside you could be valid (including emotions).

I guess I'm just looking for encouragement and support through this. I have a hard time in this area. With the exception of my therapist, everyone who I would like support from is too busy with their own lives. And people don't really want to be around people who hate themselves. It's a terrible cycle.

Again, Thanks.

 

[Anne Walker]

Hi cp1. I can really understand and sympathize with what you are going through. I suffered through panic attacks and chronic anxiety for over 20 years. I often thought if anyone asked me what I thought about life, my honest response would be "life is scary."

Over time I began to fear the panic attacks, and that itself created a constant, low level anxiety. I had a list of things I felt I could not do. They say anxiety is equivalent to pain in the TMS world, it serves as a distraction. I believe this because as I was beginning to get over my chronic pain, my anxiety skyrocketed. I know I have mentioned this numerous times on here, but the simple anxiety videos posted on this site, the animated ones about how to invite and accept the physical symptoms that correspond to the anxiety, have helped me more than any therapy or medication that I have ever tried.

Just this last week my husband got the flu and I was feeling overwhelmed with a bunch of other stuff that was happening at work and with the kids. I was in my office and I started to panic. I wanted to run away and get a hotel room. I was afraid to go home and face all the responsibility and potential illness. I was in flight mode. I sat in my office and tuned into my body. I noticed an odd achiness in my shoulders, I greeted the sensation, I said hello and welcomed it. I told it that it was okay to be. Then I moved onto the next sensation and the next sensation until I couldn't sense anymore new ones. When I was finished, I made a decision to temporarily move into my teenage daughter's room and quarantine off my husband on one side of the house. I drove to a health food store and bought a bunch of immune boosting herbs. I decided I would not get sick, and if I did, I would get through it. And I ended up having a nice evening reading a good book in my daughters bed! I don't want to make this sound easy.

I have been through so much with panic attacks that it is just amazing to me that I have the ability to turn things around. Fear is like karosene and if you feed it with more fear, it combusts and the next thing you know you have an out of control fire. Somehow by embracing the sensations that correspond to the fear, it puts the fire out. The desire to run, to panic, to be afraid, is a natural response and in certain situations it can save your life. But when it becomes a habitual response to stress and non-life threatening events, it can wreak havoc in your life. I want to be very encouraging because I know first hand that it is possible to calm this habitual response. And all of the TMS work that you will do in learning to be kind to yourself, less self blaming, better able to connect with, feel and express your anger, will all contribute to feeling that the world is a safe place and that you are okay. It all works together and you can do it.

 

[cp1]

Today my question is, what do you do when you really don't have a support system to help you get through difficult times?

Anxiety has been absolutely terrible for at least the past month, month and a half. Mornings are the absolute worst. I wake up in near panic. This lasts until early evening. I can't get a deep breath. I can't cry. I just feel like jumping out of my skin.

The people in my life all think I just need to get over it. They have zero compassion. So, when the mornings are bad, I have absolutely no one to turn to. And when the stress chemicals are present, and the thinking mind is offline, it's so hard to figure out what to do.

I have written myself letters at night when I'm calmer, so I can refer to it in the morning. It works temporarily, but then loses its potency.

I have looked for videos on YouTube to try to bring myself back to the present moment. Mixed results.

Ideally, I would be able to get up and walk with someone. Don't give the body a chance to get into that fight or flight pattern. I had a nurse at work years ago who was so helpful and walked with me every day at work for 15 minutes. I started feeling like I would get better. then I got moved to another building and lost that. We would walk and I would cry the whole time and then I felt better afterward.

So, with all that said, I'm wondering, what do you do when you're kind of on your own in this?

Thankful just to be able to get this out.

Anne Walker, I just re read your post. I have so far not been able to allow the sensations to be here. To sort of welcome them as it seems like you're describing. I will look for the anxiety videos you mentioned.

 

[Ellen]

cp1,

I have often felt the way you describe in the past. I bemoaned my lack of a support system and felt it was holding me back. What I have come to realize is that our life circumstances are a reflection of what is in our mind. I realized that if I wanted more support from others, I needed to be a more supportive friend myself. TMS occurs when we are fixated on ourselves. This is not something to beat yourself up about, but rather to understand how it develops. For many of us it stems from not getting the attention, concern and love we needed as a child. This need gets carried into adulthood and we become fixated on our bodies, our lives, our selves. The key is to focus outside yourself. Put your attention on the needs of other people, and you will find your support system grow as your relationships deepen. This doesn't mean to engage in the people-pleasin' behavior that is part of the TMS personality, as that is done in order to have people like and accept us, and so it is ultimately all about us. A genuine shift in attention outside ourselves takes practice. You can start with something easier like pets, or nature, or creating art, etc. Then move into shifting your focus onto other people. This shift is where healing takes place.

Part of why I still participate in this Forum after several years is that it affords me an opportunity to focus on the pain and struggles that others are having, and hopefully, to be helpful in the process.

Wishing you the best........

 

[Stella]

I finished the Structured Education Program approximately 6 years ago. I learned so much about my personality traits and tools on how to manage. I became familiar with Codependency 6 months ago. I had a major conflict with my Mother. With urging from other friends they suggested I talk to a therapist. It was hard for me to get to that point because I don't like asking for help (codependency trait). I looked on this site for a group of doctors that specifically supported the Mind/ Body perspective. The Pain Psychology Center was even willing to help adjust the cost since I had no insurance. I talked to a wonderful woman that introduced me to Codependency. The personality traits are identical to the TMS personality traits. I got a wonderful book. The Everything Guide to Codependency. I read and review this book probably 4-5 times each week. The Codependency personality traits have gotten stronger the older I have gotten; the fear of rejection, the fear of not being good enough, the fear of being judged by others, the repressed anger/rage, goodist, perfectionist, controlling, very responsible, etc. I have now become aware of all kinds of things I say, think and do from a codependency personality. I am working to become mentally more healthy.

I go to weekly Codependency meetings which help me stay on track in managing myself. If you have any questions, let me know.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, everyone. This is a great exchange of posts.
I would like to put in my two cents... Feelings of anxiety and having panic attacks are caused by our emotions, and TMS is the name Dr. Sarno gives to them. I've been reading a lot lately about how most everyone is deficient in the mineral magnesium which can cause those symptoms. Maybe TMS and magnesium make a good combination. Read about magnesium at YouTube. The best form of it is, reportedly, magnesium glycinate.

 

[kld03c]

Hi cp1. I can really understand and sympathize with what you are going through. I suffered through panic attacks and chronic anxiety for over 20 years. I often thought if anyone asked me what I thought about life, my honest response would be "life is scary."

Over time I began to fear the panic attacks, and that itself created a constant, low level anxiety. I had a list of things I felt I could not do. They say anxiety is equivalent to pain in the TMS world, it serves as a distraction. I believe this because as I was beginning to get over my chronic pain, my anxiety skyrocketed. I know I have mentioned this numerous times on here, but the simple anxiety videos posted on this site, the animated ones about how to invite and accept the physical symptoms that correspond to the anxiety, have helped me more than any therapy or medication that I have ever tried.

Just this last week my husband got the flu and I was feeling overwhelmed with a bunch of other stuff that was happening at work and with the kids. I was in my office and I started to panic. I wanted to run away and get a hotel room. I was afraid to go home and face all the responsibility and potential illness. I was in flight mode. I sat in my office and tuned into my body. I noticed an odd achiness in my shoulders, I greeted the sensation, I said hello and welcomed it. I told it that it was okay to be. Then I moved onto the next sensation and the next sensation until I couldn't sense anymore new ones. When I was finished, I made a decision to temporarily move into my teenage daughter's room and quarantine off my husband on one side of the house. I drove to a health food store and bought a bunch of immune boosting herbs. I decided I would not get sick, and if I did, I would get through it. And I ended up having a nice evening reading a good book in my daughters bed! I don't want to make this sound easy.

I have been through so much with panic attacks that it is just amazing to me that I have the ability to turn things around. Fear is like karosene and if you feed it with more fear, it combusts and the next thing you know you have an out of control fire. Somehow by embracing the sensations that correspond to the fear, it puts the fire out. The desire to run, to panic, to be afraid, is a natural response and in certain situations it can save your life. But when it becomes a habitual response to stress and non-life threatening events, it can wreak havoc in your life. I want to be very encouraging because I know first hand that it is possible to calm this habitual response. And all of the TMS work that you will do in learning to be kind to yourself, less self blaming, better able to connect with, feel and express your anger, will all contribute to feeling that the world is a safe place and that you are okay. It all works together and you can do it.

What a wonderful post, thank you. One of the things that I love about forums is that often when someone asks questions, it helps other people in similar situations. I was so excited to be basically pain free for a couple of months, even in the midst of stress at work. Life happens and one of my colleagues at work passed away after a long battle with ovarian cancer. A couple of days later the election happened and I tried to ignore it but was so hard not to get sucked into it. A couple of days after that I went on a planned personal trip and during the flight to TN the pilot notified us that we were carrying a fallen Marine to his final resting place. I was in the Army and found this to be rather emotional, especially when I saw the family walk out to the receive the body. Two days into our trip my fiancé and I both got horrible food poisoning and had to fly back home while were both still sick. I'm feeling overwhelmed by having to close out $10m of IT equipment with our finance org at work and lest not forget the upcoming holiday season. It just seems like it never stops or there's no relief from these outside stressors.

My back pain and anxiety are back in full swing. I'm not having panic attacks but am on edge for sure and have teared up from utter frustration. I'm considering medication for anxiety as I'm wondering if it might help. I've been working with a TMS therapist and have made great progress but wonder if I need a helping hand at this point.

You mentioned that you had chronic anxiety for 20 years and that some of the videos and I'm assuming TMS methodologies have helped more than medications. Can you please elaborate?