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Day 38 New Relationship

Mtnjac said:
Great insight. No, my gut never fails me, but my actions have.
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Story of my life! I’m going back now, and seeing all the times my little alarm was going off and I wasn’t listening. From big things, like: “this person won’t make an appropriate friend for me. They’re too pushy.”—to “I know it’s going to look bad, but I just don’t like this church. I don’t want to attend here anymore.” And little things like: “I actually hate this TV show and I don’t want to watch. I’d rather go do something else.” [I learned all this in the past year! How did I ever make it this far??? Obviously, not so well!]
 
Diana-M said:
Story of my life! I’m going back now, and seeing all the times my little alarm was going off and I wasn’t listening. From big things, like: “this person won’t make an appropriate friend for me. They’re too pushy.”—to “I know it’s going to look bad, but I just don’t like this church. I don’t want to attend here anymore.” And little things like: “I don’t want salad tonight,” or, “I actually hate this TV show and I don’t want to watch. I’d rather go do something else.” [I learned all this in the past year! How did I ever make it this far??? Obviously, not so well!]
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You are doing very well now honey. Just read what you write. It is so full of knowledge and hope. This will all funnel into the revival of a beautiful, healthy body. God’s grace be yours.
 
Mtnjac said:
You are doing very well now honey. Just read what you write. It is so full of knowledge and hope.
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Thank you so much. But, I owe it all to everyone here. (Especially, The Gurus.) I’m serious! They held my hand through all sorts of things, and I learned from them! God bless us…every one.” (Charles Dickens, The Christmas Carol.)
 
Diana-M said:
I’ve really noticed I need my acknowledgment of my gut instincts to be instantaneous. They are always spot on. I just don’t hear them and act on them soon enough. I am getting a little better at this, but not quick enough!
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You will get better and better at this with practice! I had this problem too, my acknowledgment of my gut instincts was not quick enough. Also, I far from always knew what my 'gut instincts' actually were (as I'd been quashing them for so long)... And sometimes I'd be muddled... For example, when I felt I didn't want to do something, was that because I was purely fearful and whatever it was would actually be good for me and I'd find it enjoyable/beneficial, or was wanting not to do something what I actually needed and wanted and was best for me?... and so on and so on...
So, what I did and still do, especially when I'm taken off guard, is to buy some time and say "I'll think about it" just like @Cactusflower does:
Cactusflower said:
"I'll think about it" (and I don't bother with the ....and then I'll get back to you part!)
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Then if I decide I want to do whatever it is, the door may be still open after I have thought about it (if the door gets closed, then it's just too bad and I accept it). If the other person comes back and says 'have you thought about it?' and I've decided 'no' then I say 'no' and if they want an explanation as to why I'm saying 'no' I just say 'I've thought about it and it just doesn't suit me'. If they keep pressing for an explanation, then I just keep repeating 'I've thought about it and it just doesn't suit me' and move the conversation away from the issue. It stops the manipulation by those who wish to manipulate you.
 
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BloodMoon said:
You will get better and better at this with practice! I had this problem too, my acknowledgment of my gut instincts was not quick enough. Also, I far from always knew what my 'gut instincts' actually were (as I'd been quashing them for so long)... And sometimes I'd be muddled... For example, when I felt I didn't want to do something, was that because I was purely fearful and whatever it was would actually be good for me and I'd find it enjoyable/beneficial, or was wanting not to do something what I actually needed and wanted and was best for me?... and so on and so on...
So, what I did and still do, especially when I'm taken off guard, is to buy some time and say "I'll think about it" just like @Cactusflower does:

Then if I decide I want to do whatever it is, the door may be still open after I have thought about it (if the door gets closed, then it's just too bad and I accept it). If the other person comes back and says 'have you thought about it?' and I've decided 'no' then I say 'no' and if they want an explanation as to why I'm saying 'no' I just say 'I've thought about it and it just doesn't suit me'. If they keep pressing for an explanation, then I just keep repeating 'I've thought about it and it just doesn't suit me' and move the conversation away from the issue. It stops the manipulation by those who wish to manipulate you.
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BINGO!
Works like a charm.
 
Mtnjac said:
Hey all you pumped just say No-er’s!

Reporting in to say that Mr. Wrong showed up again to invite me to a fundraiser. Guess what? I texted: “No thank you, have fun!” Now how hard was that Mtnjac? (With a little help from my friends!)
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LOVE THIS!! You took back control of your life and I bet that felt great!
 
Mtnjac said:
Hey all you pumped just say No-er’s!

Reporting in to say that Mr. Wrong showed up again to invite me to a fundraiser. Guess what? I texted: “No thank you, have fun!” Now how hard was that Mtnjac? (With a little help from my friends!)
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This is so inspiring!
 
Mtnjac said:
but he has urged me to be more open to life as it comes. Sooo…
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That sounds more like a 'life coach' then a therapist. It sounds like Advice. I have been to therapy when I could afford it, but it was to find out and be shown a reflection so I could get rid of what I didn't want to keep doing....advice is Free and it's the crappiest gift in the world.

Attraction isn't negotiated. Putting yourself in situations you think you 'ought to do' because of advice is enraging to the 5 year old inside who puts the 'mess' it TMS. Low back pain? Bingo!

Like Jan was saying, I used to sometimes try a little harder because of my friends pushing me. I've tried to 'settle' by checking off boxes. Then I learned that attraction isn't negotiated. I reflected on my personal History and found that to be true. When I cared? It was passionate and I'd turn over heaven and earth disregarding common sense and reason. We aren't very rational creatures...TMS proves that.

Get a Dog! They rule and they don't fake anything...pure love and honesty
 
Baseball65 said:
That sounds more like a 'life coach' then a therapist. It sounds like Advice. I have been to therapy when I could afford it, but it was to find out and be shown a reflection so I could get rid of what I didn't want to keep doing....advice is Free and it's the crappiest gift in the world.

Attraction isn't negotiated. Putting yourself in situations you think you 'ought to do' because of advice is enraging to the 5 year old inside who puts the 'mess' it TMS. Low back pain? Bingo!

Like Jan was saying, I used to sometimes try a little harder because of my friends pushing me. I've tried to 'settle' by checking off boxes. Then I learned that attraction isn't negotiated. I reflected on my personal History and found that to be true. When I cared? It was passionate and I'd turn over heaven and earth disregarding common sense and reason. We aren't very rational creatures...TMS proves that.

Get a Dog! They rule and they don't fake anything...pure love and honesty
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I have a dog! Bestest bud ever.

Believe me, my inner child was pissed at myself, the guy AND my therapist, who has had finer moments. But this widow cautiously went anyway, against everything that was screaming not to.

This is the funny part though: I’m up there in years so I was thinking it would just be a casual thing in passing. I did not want a relationship with anyone and thought I was well past my expiration date. But I soon learned that even the old farts can be clingy and want something longer lasting than a game of cards.

Want to hear how great it was going home to my dog? Thanks for writing!
P.S. I know all about turning over Heaven and Earth and was it ever delectable!
 
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