New day 4 of program

[Rikitachikita]

Hi everyone,

I have been dealing with lower back pain for 7 years now. MRI shows a torn disc with minimal protrusion. I am not a surgery candidate since they say there is no surgery that can help me. I have tried everything over the years from acupuncture, PT, chiro, exercise, rest, medication, ice, heat. In 2011 and 2013 I had a slight lessening of symptoms and was able to live a pretty normal life, then I had a baby and 6 months after I had him the pain came back with a vengeance two weeks before we were set to move to a new house. I have been doing everything I can to "heal" quicker and better this time. But it hasn't helped. Some dr's say you can't ever really heal from this type of injury and others say that you can or that you can get relief of pain. My pain dr says that my spine is perfect other than this tiny tear. I then stumbled on Dr Sarno's theory and it makes sense, How can this tiny tear debilitate me? After more research I found this site and it all has clicked in me. This is TMS! And this isn't my first time having it. It's been my whole life one problem after another (eczema, headaches, IBS, frequent UTI's, back pain and also insomnia after my baby was born) These are all classic TMS symptoms. Every single decade of my life has be tainted by some issue. I have the personality traits (Anxiety/fear, Goodism, Dependent, low self esteem etc) I am certain this back pain is just another symptom of this disorder.
I've been talking to myself everyday and doing this program and I really think I'm feeling improvement.
The only thing that is hard for me to grasp is how do I have these repressed emotions when I feel like I often express my feelings and anger and fear. I am always expressing them. So I don't know why that would be an issue but so far I just keep telling myself that those emotions are why my brain is creating this pain and I will help my brain handle these emotions so that it doesn't have to cause pain and that the pain needs to stop now because I'm onto it and I know what my brain is doing. I also try to not even talk to the pain but tell my brain what it's doing and we need to feel the emotion instead. So I try to sit with the emotions and let them build up and then dissipate. Does it sound like I'm doing the program correctly? I know I'm supposed to think emotional and not physical so when I feel the pain I try to feel an emotion instead. I'm going to keep at this because I am so sure this is what has been plaguing me and I'm so ready for it to stop. Thanks for listening.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

Hi Riki, and welcome to the TMS Wiki and Forum! It sure sounds like you've come to the right place, which is very exciting to those of us who want to keep spreading the word.

This question of finding the repressed emotions comes up ALL the time. I came up with my own answers to that question while I was doing the SEP five years ago, and after several years of doing this work and participating in the forum, I was eventually able to describe it in a way that I think makes sense to others. Rather than writing it out all over again, I finally bookmarked one of my former answers, because I think it still works. See what you think:
http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/new-here-question-about-journaling.10441/#post-54373 (Day 6 - New here. Question about journaling.)

And maybe some others will chime in with their own theories. In the meantime, good luck here, and keep us posted!

~Jan

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Riki. I l join Jan in welcoming you to the TMS community and this web site. You have had TMS symptoms for a long time. Welcome to the club. It appears to me that you are doing the SEProgram right. Just keep at it.

Like Jan, I am a strong believer in journaling. That helped me to discover repressed emotions going back to my boyhood. That helped me from severe back pain.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

Does it sound like I'm doing the program correctly?

It appears to me that you are doing the SEProgram right. Just keep at it.

Thanks, Walt, for addressing Riki's question. I would add (and I know Walt feels the same) that there is actually no "right" or "wrong" way to do the program. It's designed to introduce you to all kinds of different techniques for achieving recovery, which I define as being able to have a different relationship with your symptoms whenever they occur. Some of the techniques will resonate for you, others will not. Keep what works, and discard the ones that don't.

Based on my own experience, my very best advice for doing the writing exercises is to be brutally honest with yourself, and to force yourself to write down EVERYTHING that comes into your head, even if your tricky brain tries to tell you that you should ignore some of them! I found really important stuff about myself in events that I "thought" (ie: my subconscious brain tried to convince me!) were unimportant, or that were too embarrassing to want to recall.