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Need some Support Today

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Pingman, Feb 18, 2014.

  1. Pingman

    Pingman Well known member

    Hey all - I think TMS is trying to sneak back up on me after feeling almost cured for the last few weeks.

    I came back here last week to post my success story and started to read some of the other posts which kinda set me off again. My TMS trigger is def reading online of someone with a similiar affliction and I start to symptom check and question if maybe I have it.

    So last week I finished with my therapy appointments with mty therapist saying there was nothing else to work on. We had literally nothing to discuss the last 3 times so I was happy about that. But when I came on here and read about Fibromyalgia and migraines I started to wonder if maybe I had those.

    I started to seek reassurance again from my wife. I decided I didn't have Fibro but the thought I ahve migraines has stuck around. In reading symptoms I saw the light sensitivity and that triggered my TMS and made me start checking my eyes again.

    I know I have sinusitis per my Dr. right now along with everyone in my family which can cause head pressure and eye pain. I have some pressure in my temples that seems to be alleviated with sudafed and aleve but it is the light sensitivity that brings up the fear in me for some reason.

    The thought of missing out on fun activities. My wife has migraines as well as her best friend and when she has them she has to go to a dark room and relax. She calls that 'real light sensitivity'. She says that I am looking for a problem and simply finding it. The fact that I am able to question that I might be having migraines and light sensitivity and symptom check while doing my daily activities tells her it is TMS and my mind.

    Her theory is that bright light outside makes most peoples eyes hurt so thats why everyone wears sunglasses. The light doesn't stop me from going outside and she claims most normal people don't look straight at the sun or lights to see if they have light sensitivity which leads her to conclude it is all in my mind, especially since I was better for a few weeks.

    I guess my definition of light sensitivity might just be what my mind wants it to be. My wife is 1000% convinced its my mind making up the symptoms and has asked me to challenge the fear.

    Can anyone relate? Why do I keep reading about other conditions and finding light sensitivity as a symptom and focusing on it. First it was MS now its migraines.
  2. Mermaid

    Mermaid Well known member

    Hey Pingman,

    Sorry to hear you're having a bit of a wobble. Hope it wasn't me who set you off with the migraine & fibro thing :oops:

    Could it be that you're creating more anxiety by being so tough on yourself with your healing timetable? We all want to get well again, but the old saying "more haste, less speed" really does apply with TMS.

    I don't wish to sound blunt or unsympathetic, but if you had migraines you wouldn't be in any doubt about it. Migraines & fibro are only TMS stuff anyway, so quit worrying.

    Have you tried Claire Weekes audios ? If not give them a go they've helped me a lot. She explains how by being afraid of our symptoms we are creating what she calls "second fear", thus increasing our anxiety and tension. She say's that when we get a symptom if we start on a train of thought "Oh my goodness here it is again !" then "What if...............", we go down a slippery slope to more worry and panic. What we can do instead is acknowledge it for what it is and let it be, paying it no attention.

    I used to avert my eyes from car headlights, because of "light sensitivity", a while ago I decided I was conditioning myself and stopped doing it, it bothered me for a bit, but guess what....................no light sensitivity.

    Your crafty brain is at it again trying to trick you, don't be bluffed, just be patient.

    I'm sending you a big hug, because I don't like that you feel this way :shy:
    Eric "Herbie" Watson and Ellen like this.
  3. Pingman

    Pingman Well known member

    Mermaid - It was your TMS story (background) that caused my set back but in no way was it you personally. I actually gained strength when you initially came to the site by giving you some advice since I was starting to really heal. I think it was simply me getting to almost 100% and then reading in one of your post you had light sensitivity that caused me to start symptom checking again and worrying I might have migraines.

    My TMS is crafty....unlike most my TMS never starts from a pain and then associating it to something. I actually have the ability to read something online and symptom check myself into that pain.

    You can be as blunt as you would like.....my wife sure is :) She says the same thing. She actually gets migraines and has three girlfriend who get them about 3-6 times a year. Same story, they know they are coming, retreat to quiet and dark until they pass. There is no mistaking that they have them.

    I have slight pressure so I know its ridiculous but my mind wants to hold on. Thank you for your description of light sensitivity. Like you I decided to de-condition myself from the perceived light sensitivity and it worked. I am getting lazy and just not working on my TMS anymore, expecting it to poof be gone.

    Thank you so much...your post made me feel better. I need to stop the fear cycle...the claire weeks audios were what pushed me over the hump last time.

    Here is the best part.... without knowing about TMS and winning the 2 battles with it now I could have easily have slid back into my panic and anxiety. Come here..get some help and I am gonna get back on track. Don't add the secondary fear.....stop conditioning myself to light sensitivity.

    Thanks for the hug!!
    Eric "Herbie" Watson likes this.
  4. Mermaid

    Mermaid Well known member

    You sound better already! I've lost count of the times TMS has pulled the same number on me, swapping and changing symptoms. It just gets boring having to tell my brain not to bother trying, it's quite funny when you think about it :D. One day soon this will all be just a weird memory.........................:rolleyes:
    Eric "Herbie" Watson likes this.
  5. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    I remember the old newsreels in movie theaters... "Time Marches On."
    So it seems to be with TMS. It marches on, too, moving symptoms around.
    But we know how to stop the marching. Just keep reminding our unconscious
    we're on to it.
    Eric "Herbie" Watson likes this.
  6. Pingman

    Pingman Well known member

    My temple pressure, back of neck pressure an eye pressure is just enough to be annoying and make me worry. TMS is up to its old tricks.
    Eric "Herbie" Watson likes this.
  7. Mermaid

    Mermaid Well known member

    Can you tell me what it is exactly about this pressure that worries so much ? Perhaps if you write it down we can cut it down to size together, I'm your friend and I want to help you.
    Eric "Herbie" Watson likes this.
  8. Pingman

    Pingman Well known member

    Mermaid - Its actually quite simple and sounds so illogical when I say it. It doesn't keep me from doing anything I want. I actually ran two miles outside today and jumped rope 3 hundred times.

    It is 100% fear. Can I handle the pressure as it stands now? Answer yes......in the past I have probably had worse sinus issues and gave them no thought. There is just a fear that this pressure and perceived light sensitivity might never go away and will increase to some sinister state, robbing me of the activities I love and taking away precious time with my family.

    My Dr. has assured me that it is nothing but good old stress and sinuses. So relaxing and living life will bring an end to the fear..... and I was doing this so well for weeks now. I have seen the power of positive thiking and have gotten my TMS pains to leave now twice. So up pops this sinus issue I have which impacts my temples ans eyes and old TMS say ah ha! I can pull him back....he does't know the pressure in his head is mild and his eyes are mildly sore. I'll put the fear of some issue like migraines in him so he will start the fear cycle again and worry that he will have these issues all year long.

    Merm - Its just the fear that we all have. Will this ever go away, will it ever com back. The only thing keeping it mild is I have been here before andI know the answer.

    TMS for me is like waiting to see how much the bill for an unexpected car repair will be. Your wondering, asking others who share similiar repair experiences. Your anxious. Then the bill comes and its not so bad.

    I associated my head/eye issus with MS, the that ran its course. I wondered if maybe it was lyme disease or the start of cluster headaches (all based on the web). When my GP assured me it was stress and prob sinuses I forgot about those as well. Finally I made peace with TMS and worked on handling th FEAR aspect. Workd to undue my conditioning and got back to normal. The issues wer still around slightly but I was able to associate them to logical thinking and move on.

    When I saw your post that talked about light sensitivity it stuck in my mind. As luck would have it...two snow systems came through Indiana right after that and we all had sinus issues spike. For me...the pressure coming back allowed TMS to recall your post and Off I went into FEAR mode.

    Do I have migraines....Nope. Do I really have light sensitivity......Nope (I do have a symptom checking issue, whose eyes wouldnt hurt if they checked them all day).

    TMS for me wants to take these mild annoyances I feel and use them as the catalyst to bring back the fear that I will be in pain one day when there is nothng logical or proven that I will.

    I think I was able to catch myself this time unlike all the past times. The silver lining is that I have ran out of conditions to blame my head issues on. I have nothing left but stress and sinuses now to believe. It is almost like I have to go through each worry to get to the end.
    Eric "Herbie" Watson likes this.
  9. Mermaid

    Mermaid Well known member

    Well what that tells me is you absolutely know, to coin a phrase "the only thing you have to fear is fear itself". Don't you think is excellent progress, your TMS is hanging on for dear life as a last resort with this petty stuff.

    You KNOW it won't and can't get any worse unless you allow it to by feeding the fear. You could try feeling sorry for poor old TMS. Don't lose sight of the fact that this is a totally harmless subconscious creation. I do a meditation with my TMS being personified as me when I was little kid, to dilute the fear, perhaps you could give it a go.

    I know you know all this stuff, but I need to remind myself all the time to think emotionally not physically. You mentioned a vacation in your earlier posts, have you been already, or if not could it be that you're becoming anxious about being sick during your trip? I went on vacation twice last year I was fine with the whole thing, airports, hotels etc. I relaxed and had a great time.

    You are in perfect health, you are fine, people care about you, so don't be afraid (please :shy:)
    Eric "Herbie" Watson likes this.
  10. North Star

    North Star Beloved Grand Eagle

    Pingman, whenever I get around a certain family member, I seem to mimic some of her TMS issues for a few days. (She has no clue about TMS though she is suffering horribly from it.) It's crazy how it happens. I remember YEARS ago a friend quipping about another friend whose entire family had dietary issues. ("I have no idea how the husband 'caught' her food sensitivities," he had said. I found the observation curious and now of course, I understand how that happens!)

    You'll get through this. Sounds like the old anxiety card is being played…another favorite TMS maneuver for so many of us. I have found success in doing what Mermaid suggests. Just reminding myself that I am fine. That it's TMS. And it's a sneaky rascal!

    I also avoid aforementioned person as much as possible and steer clear of medical dramas on FB or conversations centered on health issues.

    I have been frustrated lately by the ups and downs of this TMS journey so I can relate to what you're dealing with. But I do know this….it's just ups and downs. Your healing journey is still moving forward!
    Eric "Herbie" Watson likes this.
  11. joseph32

    joseph32 Peer Supporter

    Just remember pain is fueled by two things - fear and attention. It sounds so simple, yet can take some work with our minds. I like to think because we have brilliant minds! After 7 years, I have been off pain medication for almost 6 weeks. I am convinced the pain was all TMS. I am still battling some anxiety though, as I am sure TMS still wants to be part of the fun.

    Fear is a negative thought in your mind. Supplant it with a constructive thought. Fear has killed millions. Confidence is greater than fear. Nothing is more powerful than faith in God and the good. Normal fear is good. Abnormal fear is very bad and destructive. To constantly indulge in fear thoughts results in abnormal fear, obsessions, and complexes. To fear something persistently causes a sense of panic and terror. You can overcome abnormal fear when you know the power of your subconscious mind can change conditions and bring to pass the cherished desires of your heart.
    Eric "Herbie" Watson likes this.
  12. Pingman

    Pingman Well known member

    Thanks NS - I agree with all of what you and Mermaid said. It really is TMS trying to keep the battle up becuase it knows it is losing. It knows my weakness which is the eyes and light sensitivity. With me being better for almost 4 weeks...it used my Sinus congestion and the post by Mermaid to bring the anxiety back in for one last ditch effort.

    Mermaids posts were a life savor for me yesterday. Sure my eyes are sore and my head hurts today but it is on such a small scale and probably sinus related. It won't kill me or prevent me from doing anything I want. Only my mind can do that if I let it.

    I think once TMS knows you are on to it....it can't really use the physical pain as much anymore so it works on the anxiety portion. Thats what it is trying to do but like you I am on to it.
  13. Pingman

    Pingman Well known member

    Joseph - Yep......you nailed it. For me it is all about negative thoughts. I know 100% what I need to do and yet have a hard time doing it. I need to stop symptom checking, I need to stop thinking negative about this issue never going away. I need to stop conditioning my mind to think my eyes hurt.

    Even though I have gotten so much better since you and I started this journey I still have the obsession with waking up each day and having zero issues. That is what I have to work on. I have come full circle.

    Symptom checking induced the eye and head issues..... then sleep issues started.......anxiety creeped in......panic attacks.......recognized FEAR as the main driver..... reduced back to anxiety........sleep issues better.......back to minimal pain and symptom checking.

    WE shall win!!
  14. Mermaid

    Mermaid Well known member

    Go Pingman ! dancea
    North Star likes this.
  15. North Star

    North Star Beloved Grand Eagle

    *waves pom poms in Montana* Victory for Pingman!
  16. Pingman

    Pingman Well known member

    North Star - I am getting there! TMS is on the run. It knows that I now know it is it 100%. It tried to pull me back in and make me think maybe I had another condition but with my tools and the quick help of my peers on the board I was able to halt the breaks. Now on to breaking my conditioning and symptom checking.
    Ellen and North Star like this.
  17. joseph32

    joseph32 Peer Supporter

    Good stuff Pingman. I feel the same way. I have some lingering back pain. It will go to that then it will be gone and I have anxiety. TMS is being funny.

    Nothing can disturb you but your own thought. The power is within you, and when your thoughts are focused on that which is good, then God's power is with your thoughts of good.
  18. Pingman

    Pingman Well known member

    You and I both have the classic Steve O description of the end of TMS. When we are pain free...TMS uses anxiety to try and pull us back. One day we will get bored with TMS and say enough.
    Eric "Herbie" Watson likes this.
  19. Eric "Herbie" Watson

    Eric "Herbie" Watson Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hey guys just keep reminding yourself time and again that your fine. Lose any focus on the body or symptom checking. See when you catch yourself doing it -- thats a good time to not do it.

    Sure will take time to re-condition but reconditioning is going against the grain and doing just the opposite of focus or attention or symptom checking right. Even the fear of reading story's and getting those symptoms will have to be overcome ya know and you cant overcome any fear by running or trying to dodge it. You have to reprogram yourself to it by floating through the fear as Claire Weekes says and loosing the focus on the physical. Right

    A good note on how to loose the focus is every time to might start to focus on the body. Journal about emtions you are having instaed of the thoughts of some symptom OK.

    See guys and gals in time you will come out and be totally not thinking physical at all, that is your goal right. The steps to achieve that is to not think phsical on purpose or if you do think of a body part that doesn't hurt OK.

    I too used to be able to just think of a symptom and get it. That just shows how strong of a mind you have and how it wants to give you what you want, so when we have our minds set on symptoms that someone else talked about, well -- we get the symptom right. Thats just the reverse of the way you want your mind to be working ya know. You want to be able to read any story any where and any time without even thinking is that going to get me right. See that thought there that I just said was a fear thought. Fear thoughts are what gives us the power to focus on the symptoms so instead of thinking with fear think with courage on purpose to recondition your thought.

    Focus on Sarnos 12 daily reminders from healing Back pain p.82. Get those like there the only truth you need and you will be able to read any story you wish and then you'll be able to help others in need too cause you'll see what the issue is just by intuition when you get used to it. Read, re-read and read again Sarnos Books. Read Steveos Book. Remember this is knowledge therapy right.

    Heres a Secret. Get yourself so involved in something you love to do or want to do but haven't done in years. You can wrap it all up in the 12 daily reminders and Id always add some Claire weeks and even Abraham low to the mix.

    I have read probably 3000 post by now about symptoms and all in between - at least 3000. I'm like immune to the focus of the symptoms now because i am reconditioned now. I would never get to the point that I couldn't read someones story because then your just agreeing with the fear again and think what will happen if you see a commercial or the DR. tells you a good nocebo. Wheres your armor going to be at to protect you. Build that armor by dancing in front of your peers time and time again and soon you'll thank me.

    Bless You
    North Star and mousemom like this.
  20. Eric "Herbie" Watson

    Eric "Herbie" Watson Beloved Grand Eagle

    Remember, no matter how many imperatives you have you still keep thinking psychological OK. It gets to the point that you will lose the conditioning and there will be no more focus on any symptoms even when you have them. Remember when you were a child and if something happened you would just go and play in the yard or game anyway. That is reconditioning ok. The tms which is a made up process in the mind will come after you till you no longer give it your attention and when you stop giving it attention you will beat tms.

    If its sinus related or what it really doesn't matter. Its how long are you going to give your attention power to this imperative. You said it right above, only my mind will do that " if I let it" Well. You don't have a choice till you get reconditioned because your mind is giving you what it thinks you want. The only way to win is to keep controlling your thoughts with courage and your tool belt while loosing the focus 1 day at a time ok.

    I would just keep Claire Weekes very handy for the next month or so OK. Cause if the anxiety comes on you will know how to handle this otherwise harmless effect. To a person with full blown tms anxiety can be a challenge as it was a huge challenge with me. But when I adopted Claire's Style and learned focusing by Eugene Gendlin then meditations and breathing exercises on a higher level. I was able to win this battle pretty fast so hold your ground and be patient with self- control and with the knowledge therapy practices you should have great success
    Pingman likes this.

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