Need some help with acceptance

Hi All, I am not a newcomer to TMS healing. Indeed, I have been trying to recover from chronic, debilitating neuropathic pain in my head, jaw, neck, shoulders and back using this method for over two years. I have seen Georgie Oldfield here in the UK, and was diagnosed with TMS a year ago, and have read all Dr Sarno's books and SteveO's book. I have passed some of what I have learned on to friends - some of whom have listened and healed within weeks, so I have witnessed firsthand people healing using this information. But I haven't as yet healed myself. I know that one of my stumbling blocks is that I'm still taking large doses of Neurontin, but I have just recently come across another problem, which I can't seem to get out of my head.

My pain has never moved around. So many times I have read that one of the characteristics of TMS is that it moves around the body, but mine has been constantly in the same place for the last five years. It has spread a little to encompass other parts, but I never get a reprieve in my head and jaw. This is affecting my belief of the TMS diagnosis. Can this happen with TMS? Are there others who have healed without this moving around of the pain?

I have just read Howard Schubiner's blog about neuroplasticity, and I would say that his explanation of learned pathways of pain in the brain is exactly my problem. Just waking up in the morning is a trigger. In fact all of my conscious living is a trigger. How do I begin to unlearn when I have no respite at all? I have no starting point.

I have had some fading of the pain, and the good news is, I'm beginning to care less about it, and get on with life. I know I still have a mountain to climb weaning myself of my drugs, and maybe when I am free of them my brain will start to function more normally, and I may be able to see more of an improvement.

Guess, I'm just a little frustrated that my healing is not moving along as quickly as I'd like.

 

You're closer to healing since you care less about it and are enjoying every day.
The mountain toward healing will start going down. Just don't rush it toward
what we call outcome independence.

My pain stayed in my back, but with others it can move around.
I journaled and discovered repressed emotions going back to my boyhood
and when I forgave everyone and myself the pain went away.

 

If it helps at all, I very much relate to what you are going through. I have been working on my TMS for a little over a year after 20 years of chronic pain in various places. I had crippling pain in the right side of my neck and occipital area with frequent headaches for over a year this last bout. It was terrible. Just as I felt I was finally getting a handle on my roller coaster of pain, stress and emotional troubles, the pain has moved over to my left shoulder and neck. I know its part of the same syndrome but it is hard to start over. I am really so frustrated with it. I realize I just have to find ways to be present each day and make it as manageable as possible. Now that we have the knowledge that this is being caused by psychological issues, we just need to do our best to have faith and move forward one day at a time. I know it is hard when people around us seem to be recovering so much faster, but this is where we are. You mention that you have had some fading of the pain and perhaps this is the respite you are looking for, the starting point. I just encourage you to keep going and know that you are not alone in this. I also want to mention that my pain did not move around until I successfully was not distracted by it anymore. When I first had pain in my lower back over 20 years ago, I had surgery and did everything I could to fix it medically. Eventually the pain faded and moved up to my head but it took years to do that. Pain moving around may be a positive sign that you do indeed have TMS, but it does not necessarily mean that you are closer to healing or that the pain moving around is a prerequisite to healing. I have been through this enough times to know that the pain moving around just makes it a more effective distraction. A new pain is hard to get used to, it adds more questions even if you are aware that it is a trade mark of TMS, and it is more distracting than the old pain. You don't need it to move around to heal or be confident that you have TMS. This is just your mind playing more tricks on you. And its working!

 

Walt - thank you for your kind words and encouragement. I have explored my past comprehensively. I had a happy childhood on the surface, but digging a little deeper, I came to realise that my mother was really tough on my brother and I when we were very small. She died from cancer only eight months before my pain took hold, and I'm sure it was the final straw at a particularly tough time in my life. My first husband, and the father to my only son was cruel and abusive, and I'm not sure whether I've properly forgiven him yet. Luckily, I don't have occasion to see him anymore, but my son, who is 29 now, still meets up with from time to time, and he's not changed over the years. I can't find a way to forgive him for his cruelty to my son, but I'm working on it.

Anne - thank you for sharing your own experience with TMS. I really did think I had my belief firmly fixed in my head, but this TMS is a tricky business. It just needs a tiny seed of doubt now and then to unravel all the good work, and you're back to the basics again. I have suffered with classic migraine since I was 9 years old, so it's not surprising that my pain is mostly in the occipital region of my head. I think the flashing lights and partial blindness preceding an almighty headache were very frightening to that 9 year old child, and my brain has taken full advantage of that fear. It's good to know that there are people here with words of encouragement, and yes, I will fix my sights on that fading, and try to gain more ground.

 

Hi. I suggested today to someone else who had trouble forgiving someone that she
should look at it this way...

The person may not deserve to be forgiven, but you would be doing yourself a bigger favor
by forgiving. Do it for yourself. Let God judge and punish the person(s) who did harm to you.

Forgiving gives you relief and release from pain.

 

Thank you Walt for your very wise words. I will certainly give this a try. I didn't realise until I started to do this TMS work how many damaging emotions we store up throughout life. It would definitely be a relief to unburden myself.

 

Fool, yes, we get a lot to repress. Once we think about it, we find them. That's a good thing
because it leads us to better understanding ourselves and others and that leads to healing.