need some advice

[Aaricia]

Hi all,

So I decided to stop doing acupuncture for back pain. It’s been 40 weeks of therapy, every week for one hour and I didn’t feel much results form doing it. I realize that it’s only a distraction that I keep on because I’m too scared to stop doing it.
Well it’s my 3rd week of not performing acupuncture for back pain and I’m sooo sore. I don’t remember when was the last time I was in so much pain. I also noticed pain in new areas, my knee, my bottom and back of the heel.

I have no doubts that my symptoms are typical tms, I know that but it hurts so much. And it’s so scary! I think about seeing my acupuncture therapist and just get some quick relief - hoping that it will diminish the pain even a little bit.

As a side note I’m also very stressed at this time of my life so maybe this wasn’t the right time for such a radical step. Maybe I should move it forward in the future and don’t put more in my stress bucket now.

Please, let me know if the symptoms that I’m experiencing now are something common? Even muscle on my occipital bone are sore at the time.

 

[birdsetfree]

The pain got worse when you stopped because of the fear around that. Hence the added symptom imperatives. In conjunction you have noted increased stress in your life so it all makes sense that this is TMS. As you said yourself 40 weeks of acupuncture didn't really help and that is evidence for TMS.

So I would work on accepting all pain and symptoms at this point as the first step. Know that you are safe and that this is just your mind creating distraction. Calm your mind and the pain will go.

 

[Aaricia]

I’ll try.
The funniest thing is that I feel like a calm person. I think I don’t feel stress and anxiety as I was before in my life. I don’t have any insomnia which was huge problem for me before. I can sleep now like a baby. Maybe hence the increase pain and tms attack. I’m in pain but I don’t feel the stress in my body, just the pain.

I’ll try to stay strong and overcome the symptoms, I know how to deal with it.
Thank you for calming words and validation of my theory about what is going on with my body.

 

[zclesa]

@Aaricia It is those of us who feel calm who suffer the most from repressed emotions. We can't feel the repressed stuff, so we feel calm. I used to have a huge anxiety disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder (due to my upbringing and me repressing ALL my feelings). I would feel that anxiety and stress, and I would get into blind rages with the BPD. I had huge insomnia too. I became an alcoholic to mask and ease all of this. But I was never really ill or in physical pain during this time (apart from killing my pancreas with alcohol).

It's only since I got rid of my anxiety disorder and BPD and stopped drinking that I became chronically ill "physically". I never dealt with my past at all to "heal" my BPD, anxiety and alcoholism (I mainly used Cognitive and Behavioural Therapies), which is why I now feel calm and happy, but am chronically ill like this. I know I have deeply repressed emotions. This is precisely why I am ill but not anxious. I think I'm probably going to have to FEEL my feelings to beat TMS permanently as I have a lot of crap from my childhood I never dealt with.

You may not have to go that far, but just remember to acknowledge that you FEEL calm precisely because you have repressed emotions, as we all do, to a lesser or greater degree. Looks like you've been here before and know what to do. Be well

 

[Aaricia]

Thank you @zclesa for your reply. I see a lot of wisdom and true in your words.

I had dangerous episodes in my life with alkohol when I used it to numb myself and this is so true. Since I have TMS relapse I sleep so much better, before that I had to take Trazadone or had two glasses of wine to fall asleep. Now I can sleep well even thought the pain is crushing during the day. I wish I could choose what I like more, but looks like my body is protecting me with giving me TMS symptoms - after all TMS is harmless but alkohol and any drugs are bad for my body so it chooses less destroying strategy. It all makes sense now, our body is so smart!
And on top of that I'm a wife and mother - I shouldn't overuse any of those substances, looks like my brain knows that as well.

You are very right - we need to learn how to cope with our emotions. Feel them and don't get scared of what we feel. But mine are burden so deep I nearly feel anything. I do a lot of mental work recently and I think this might me finally a good track.

Thank you for your kind words, I need them now...Be wall as well. Hope we will meet at the other side of TMS tunnel soon.