Need reassurance

Hi all. Today I am soooo discouraged and fed up. I need some hope or motivation.
I had gallbladder surgery because they saw tiny stones but I had no real symptoms of pain from it. They removed it and ever since I am constantly bloated. I mean constantly . It is minimal when I have no fiber but than I get constipated. I am constantly feeling like a balloon and not once do I get relief. How can that be possible . I have no pain but I have horrible distention and discomfort. My family tells me that this is the same thing I have had in the past, but I am not so convinced.
Here is a long post, sorry about that.
I am now 45 years old. In the past when I was 15 years old I started with panic attacks due to stress from exams. The psychiatrist gave me emipramine for the attacks. I had to have the best marks out of 90 students in my grade. After studying soooooo much I ended up with over 90 percent in all my science grades. But at 16 years old after a very stressful exam time I had severe bloating and constipation that lasted approximately 3 weeks but it was horrible!!!!

Than in university during a neurophysiology lecture ( I was studying physiotherapy) I drank a fruit juice and right after that I started to feel horribly bloated , distended and uncomfortable. I was sooooo uncomfortable that for the next 7 months I was in and out of the hospital. They did every exam known at the time for my gastrointestinal apparatus and all came back negative!! The only positive finding was that si was intolerant to sorbitol and some fructose using a breath test. I took one sebatical year from school due to sickness. After 6 months I looked anorexic, I was living on nutritional shakes with extreme anxiety . I was encouraged to see a psychiatrist who prescribed me Paxil. After 4 weeks on the medication I slowly started to see an improvement in my mental and physical state to the point that I totally recovered and was able to go back to school.

I had 2 years left of university and I had a horrible time with passing my courses. University was too difficult for me and it caused me huge stress. When I finally graduated my family and I went to celebrate at a restaurant and I ended up with food poisoning from seafood. I was miserably sick in the hospital and of course the severe bloating and constipation began once again. I was so discouraged. However, this time it only lasted 4 months because I had to pretend I was ok whilst I was meeting this guy who is now my husband. I did not want him to know that I had bowel issues. I pretended so much that I healed.

Three years later I married him and I got pregnant. During my pregnancy I had to take leave of work because I had constant nausea and I was throwing up from day one to the end. After giving birth I was once again struck with severe bloating and mild constipation but I had no choice but to go back to work . I was a physio treating patients. So once again I had to pretend I was doing fine even though I just wanted to obsess about the miserable feeling I had. Lord and behold after 4 months of faking it , I no longer felt bloated and I had no more bowel issues!!!

I was fine for the next 6 years . We moved to South America and after half a year I contracted an ameba ( parasite) along with testing positive for c-diff. I felt soooo constantly uncomfortable, bloating , gas everywhere , and constipated!!! I spiraled into a huge depression and anxiety. We were forced to go back to North America and once there I was so bad mentally that I had to go through electric shock therapy ( took 9 of them) and thanks to that my depression lifted. However I was still constantly very bloated and constipated no matter what I ate like other times. So after 2 years of this awful feeling I started a process of intense meditation ( and I mean intense) and after a 5 weeks I felt a huge improvement . After a couple more weeks the bloating was gone !!!!

Have been well for 7 years until now. Christmas 2019 I caught a gastro ( viral) and I violently threw up. I continued to feel sick days after. I decided to take up meditation and running to see if that could help with my sick feeling but I had no relief. After that the whole month of January to March I experienced lots of nausea. I went to the doctor . He did a colonoscopy , a gastroscope , an abdominal ultrasound, and an abdominal MRI. He diagnosed me with mild chronic gastritis , mild hpylori , and 4 small gallstones. The MD put me on antibiotics for the hpylori which did nothing for my symptoms. So I took things into my own hands and I bought myself Matula Tea from Southt Africa and after one month of this treatment ( end of April of last year) I felt great!! But unfortunately for me covid was on the rise and my husband’s job was suffering ( I was not working). Thus I started to experience severe anxiety !!! With the help of my running , meditation , and my psychiatrist I increased my Zoloft ssri and started to slowly feel better.

Than come August last year and I had a gynecological check up. the doctor found a funny polyp in my uterus. He suggested I operate to remove it and so I did just that at the end of that same month. However I have ptsd from general anasthesia due to the electric shock treatments I went through in the past. So my anxiety sky rocked before the surgery due to extreme phobia to anasthesia. When I woke up from the surgery I was feeling ok but 2 days later I started once again to feel nausious. So I continued meditating and running hoping all would fall into place but I started having pain in my left hip!!! I never had any hip pain in the past. I literally felt like I could not land on my left leg. I could not hop on it without intense pain. I had to quit running . I saw 2 orthopedic doctors. They did an ultrasound , X-ray, and MRI of my hip and pelvis . All turned out negative. All strength muscle testing, Range of motion , and palpation was negative. They could not replicate my pain. It only hurt when I hopped on it or when I landed on it whilst running. In the mean time I was still feeling very nausious. The gastroenterologist said that the gallstones and the sludge in my gallbladder could be causing the nausea. He suggested I remove the gallbladder. He convinced me because he explained that the tiny stones are the most dangerous(they can get lodged in the pancreas causing pancreatitis).

In November of last year , 3 months ago , they removed the gallbladder and this is when the real problem started. I began to have once again constant severe bloating and constipation but this time not as constant as the other times in the past but it is enough to affect me big time!!! Oh by the way my hip no longer hurts me so I began running 12 weeks ago. I run 90 minutes non stop and I meditate 2 times a day for 15 minutes each time. The bloating and constipation Is still there and I feel horrible. Two months ago I learned about TMS in Facebook and I was super convinced. I read two of doctor sarno’s books and I am doing the SEP program ( I am on day 20) and I am presently reading The great pain deception . Now the reason I am feeling discouraged is because I am not feeling any difference in the bloating and constipation . I feel miserable . It is funny because I have no pain just a horrible feeling of distention. The bloating becomes severe when I eat fiber , like brown rice or quinoa. I feel like something has hijacked my intestines!!! What is also very discouraging is that I can not find many success stories regarding ibs and TMS. I have searched the internet. If I could read stories like the back pain recoveries It would encourage me soooo much. I feel lonely and abandoned in my discomfort. I have also been seeing a psychologist since last year. I am jealous of all those back problems who recover. I actually told my husband the other day that I wish I could trade my bloating for back pain. So I am full of questions and doubts. Could this be TMS? Could I be bloated and constipated because I no longer have a gallbladder and this is my new normal? Could my mind be using the gallbladder surgery as an excuse for the bloating thus giving it more fuel?! How do I go about my every day life feeling miserable ((? It is sooo difficult to get distracted with an awful bloated feeling . I find it very difficult to get distracted doing other things. Thank you for hearing me out and sorry for the longgggg post.

 

Seems like a lot of stress is fueling it. Un-clench your abs.

 

Thks Balsa , perhaps but it is not so easy.

 

Hi Nana,

Yes, to reassure you IBS and bloating are both TMS equivalents. If you've (since you've?) been cleared by a physician for anything serious, then take confidence. 20 days is not a long time yet. It is probably helpful to think of a couple of months. It is not easy for most folks to "turn the ship around." You're OK just where you are, doing the program, and trying to reassure yourself.

Could my mind be using the gallbladder surgery as an excuse for the bloating thus giving it more fuel?! Yes! As you know, the symptoms come up where they are the most "believable."

Could I be bloated and constipated because I no longer have a gallbladder and this is my new normal? I suggest you're afraid, that is what you're sure of. Fear is a greater distractor than symptoms. At this point, until you've done a TMS approach for longer, you simply don't know.

The more you focus on the bloating and trying to get rid of it, the more it is serving its 'distraction' purpose. Try to think psychologically every time your mind goes toward the symptom or worrying about the symptom. What is up for you? What stressors, triggers?

Try to find safely, reassurance, gratitude. Affirmations may help greatly.

Andy

 

Hi Andy ,

thank you so much for your swift reply. It is very much appreciated.

Atthis point, until you've done a TMS approach for longer, you simply don't know. Is there a time frame I should look at?

 

Nana, this video has been really helpful for me to think psychological. Until I started using Jim's help I was clueless, and he really helped me calm down and observe my feelings rather than being overwhelmed by them. I hope that this helps!
Lizzy

 

Thkyou I just listened to it

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You're welcome! I forgot to tell you I don't think about how my symptoms are making me feel, I focus on my feelings about anything. Usually I'm sad and don't know why. I just let it be.

 

No. Instead become steadfast and patient in your work. Alan Gordon talks about "outcome independence."

This is so core. This practice goes right the feeling state, rather than trying to "fix" the emotions, or to fix the "symptom problem." To just sit here and feel is often not easy, yet it is what a deep part of us wants and needs. And when you connect this to your symptoms, via Dr. Sarno's theories, then you're truly doing the work at a deep level... Well put Lizzy!