Need help, is this TMS? What should I do? :(

Dear All,

I am 26 years old from germany, (I hope my english is not too bad ).. To keep it short, I have a quite long anxiety Story (TMS?).

It all started so to say ‘basic’ in summer 2014 , i came home from a stressful period of university (exams etc) for the holidays – we just sat together with my family and drunk coffee and suddently I got very dizzy and I couldnt hear anything. And I got a very BIG panic attack – by this time – I had no idea what anxiety/panic is or how It can affect our body/brain so I basically thought I am going to die.
I became so obsessed whit the thought – what is wrong with you or are you sick etc – that the other days also depression flipped in.

So I lived like this for about 1,5 year + DP/DR + 5-7 panic attacks a day + extreme health anxiety + 1 mio hospital visits and checks.

But one day I came to the blog from an ex anxiety sufferer named Paul David and understood everything, what was going on , what anxiety is and so on. Paul explained everything so good.. I really felt that this guy knows what he is talking about and also found myself in his writings.. thought to myself ok I have nothing more to lose and started to implement everything Paul explained and bought the first of his book – At Last a Life.. it was really hard but after 5 month or so everything began to dissapear, EVERYTHING step by step.

First I became panic free – then DP/DR free – then my hypochodria dissapeared and in 2016 I was almost back to normal (just left with an extreme fatigue – but that was more or less ok for me) till Sep 2017. Thats the good news..

Now in Sep 2017 it came again but it was weird tho. It was after a stressful work week. I had like 4-5 strong cups of black coffee that day. I came home and felt really bad – I had again extreme fatigue, I felt REALLY bad, and my mind just thought about : what is wrong with you?, why are you so tired?, why cant you concentrate? and so on.
And in that moment my sister talked to me and I couldnt follow the concentration – I felt so distant and dr/dr and then I began to think like : You must be psycho, I must have depression or some other mental illness and I got again a big panic attack which lasted like 2 hours and during this attack it was like my brain ‘clicked’ and I became from one minutr to the next like really depressed and from that moment on I became obsessed with the feeling of depression , I became like emotionless/ listless, didnt feel fun for normal stuff I usually like, and just stucked with the thought : I must be depressed .. and began again to figure it all out and question everything in life, and I became anxious of maybe hurting myself it was really horrible at the begining.. And then again I remembered how I became anxiety free, and bought the second book of Paul - At Last a Life and Beyond , also I read the book of Claire Weekes and the story/letter of Chris - Nothing Works.. and now I am again trying to accept but its somehow different because I have no panic attacks ( just the one in september ,when it all began) and no fear of illnesses but fear of being depressed/ mentally ill (because I really feel depressed!!!)..
I dont know what to write more..

– because my problem is I really feel this feeling of depression and this very feelings make me anxious. and also this what if thought – like what if I am really depressed and stay like this forever, or what if I kill myself because I have no more fun in life and so on.. Or that maybe Im bipolar and thats a chemical imbalance in my brain or even genetic probs..
I am so in my head all the time - I feel so foggy and dont enjoy stuff/ Im fatiqued (EXREMLY)/tired (chronically - all the time) /very shaky inside (like shaky Hands Feelings idk how to explain it even..and have big concentration problems.. Just thinking about myself and my feelings of extreme listlessness. I am not really feeling myself. I am just like obsessed about my well being and future.

Currently Im struggeling alot with following symptoms:
- constant racing thoughts : About that something is wrong with me, Im going to die
- extreme chronic fatigue - Im tired all the time, as if something sucked out all my energy from my body
>> This fatigue is my main problem, it scares me really much because I feel so weak all the time..
-weakness in my body, arms, legs
- gait unsureness - it feels like my legs are made out of pudding and like im going to fall.
- dizzyness
- strong headaches
- often nausea

And I was already to 100 different docs, everyone said Im healthy and really I was perfectly healthy before this first panic attack.. it made me a wreck and then I found out about TMS and I think it could be right.

I am just diagnosed with a bit over-production of masculine hormones (Androgene) and a high DHEAS.

Maybe someone can relate or give some advice. Maybe guys who came through something similar the other side/ recovered?? idk.


Anyways thanks for ‘maybe’ reading my really long post. And again sorry for my ‘not so good’ english, but I wanted to post in the english thread because of the good advises given from the english community..

 

You can get through this... If your Dr thinks medication will help - it might - i used some medication for a while to support myself through racing thoughts and especially panic attacks. Then I used rescue remedy (Bach flower drops) which worked just as well for me - so i was able to stop the medication and use them. At the same time journalling, practising mindfulness and reading books like DR Sarnos. Each person is different - only you can decide- but the important thing is to get help and support from others - Dr, family, friends and then make your own decisions with their help. It is also important to be kind to yourself, take time to work things out - there is no hurry, take time to walk in nature - where it is restful and peaceful - there is great healing to be found there.
This forum and the books you described are other places to find support and help - many of us go through experiences like this in life - and we can all get to the other side, as more wise and resilient people - get the help you need form these sources and take one day at a time, you can do it and I wish you lots of love and light to do so....
ps. your English is brilliant - I wish my German was so good! Guten tag!

 

Dear @hecate105
Thank you soo much for your lovely reply..! It is encouraging to read that other have gone through similar stuff.. and now are doing better.
My problem is that I think I already tried everything and nothing is working. I took medication for a while, now Im taking Baldrian drops and they seem to help with my sleep - at the begining of this all I couldnt sleep at all.

But still, I have this constant symptoms, and they haunt me and its like Im a prisoner in my body who so wants to escape from this all, but i know it doesn’t work like this, and here comes my next big problem, Im very impatient!! And want immediate results and Im very perfectionist.. And my character makes it alot harder to „accept“ and move on.
I always start to obsess about my curent state/ thoughts/ feelings and cant seem to stop.

How did you managed to be more aware on the outside? Even when you feel so sick all the time.. And this constant fatigue and shakyness is the worst.. how can I feel normal when I feel so bad? Im really struggling with this..

And thank you for accepting my english ..
Danke!

 

Clue: http://sofortschmerzfrei.de/was-ist-tms/ (TMS – Was ist das Tension Myositis Syndrom? - Sofort Schmerzfrei)

 

Hey @miquelb3

thank you for the link. It was very interesting to read. But I also see that TMS is more like aches in back/ muscles and so on, not so much about anxiety/depression.. but I guess that it can manifest also like this... because I really now in my deepest inner that it is TMS because how else could any doc say you are completely healthy?!
But It just doesn’t make sense if you really feel like you are dying. Healthy people aren’t constantly tired/have weakness and shakyness and constant anxiety!!! ://

Thats what make it so hard for me to believe in the method and also I don’t understand really what to do against it.. how to start? And moreover how to start believing that im fine???
How is this possible when feeling so bad, it just doesn’t make sense..
Would be glad to get some advice here peeps..

Thank you in advance.

 

@balto
would be glad to hear your opinion here..
your story made so much sense to me and moreover it gives me hope...
do you think my „symptoms“ could be tms? and how can I learn to believe that it all wont hurt me.
hope to hear from you.. thx!