Need emergency help and dont know what to do

O

osca aelius

Peer Supporter
Even though i know much about TMS & anxiety theory, i dont know how to deal with them when something trigger the obsessive compulsive feelings in me.

I often suddenly get so focused on the feeling of my crotch area. I dont know why, but i fear it when i feel something in my crotch area. I also have bad relationship with my jeans. Sometimes i feel like the jeans pressure on my stomach while sitting is causing me much uncomfortable and makes me think the jeans is too tight, although i know the reality is, its just me focusing too much on the sensations of my jeans on the stomach.

I ever get anxious and angry that i get the compulsive to move both of my legs closely while sitting, and it caused me to hurt my testicle because both of my legs hit the testicle pretty hard.

I keep questioning everyday why do i feel like this. And i experience brain fog. Feel like there is no hope for me. Not to mention the compulsive feelings to move my legs closely again that im afraid i will hurt my testicle.

Little hurt on my testicle cause me to obsess. There are also some pants that cause me anxiety everytime i wear them, and feel like it caused my testicle to hurt.

This is just crazy and i just dont know what trigger me to act compulsive repeatedly, and im afraid i will keep having compulsive feelings that caused me to harm myself :(

I also have the habit to keep testing and checking my symptoms when it occur, and challenge it on why it bother me, and it cause me to feel the symptoms even worse.

Anyone please help me, im an ex anxiety sufferer, and dont know how to deal with my current situation. Even reading long post about those who recover feels tiring. I cant function normally, and feel like i just want to refuse to keep living :(
 
Hi osca,

I am sorry you find yourself in such worry. I want you to know that what you're experiencing is normal, part of the human condition. You did not "do this to yourself." A deep part of our suffering is rejecting ourselves for our normal human experience. On top of your OCD and fear, there may be this self-rejection. The way to deal with this clearly, and have contact with yourself in a gentle way.

Here is a meditation I like to address this:

https://self-compassion.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/self-compassion.break_.mp3

There are several more at

https://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/#guided-meditations (Self-Compassion Exercises by Dr. Kristin Neff)

Any way you can have contact, even in a neutral way with others is probably helpful right now too.

Andy B
 
Hi osca aelius,
I also urge you to get professional support. It seems you're in a bit of crisis, and we all need the best help sometimes! Then things can pass, and we're still here to enjoy our lives!
Andy B
 
Hello Andy B, thank you for your concern. However i have wanted professional support all this time, but i dont have money to afford it, my family dont believe in TMS or any psychological conditions.

However i want you not to worry, since i understand if i dont harm myself physically, i will still live. Even if i currently suffer so much, i will hang on and keep living. I ever suffer from anxiety and get rid of it, now its time to study TMS and make it a life lesson :)

I also chat regularly with a wonderful person on this forum who keep giving me tips, advice and support. Sometimes i feel guity for depending so much on him. Since i dont want to bother anyone with my conditions.

Cheers Andy B, wishing you the best :)
 
Hi Andy, so sorry to hear how much you're struggling. Anxiety feels so very difficult.

A few ideas :
- Have you read or listened to Claire Weekes? What you wrote really shows how much anxiety is bothering you, which is totally understandable, and she talks about how we suffer twice because of it.
- Can you get a referral to accounting mental health professional? There are mental health options for people with little Financial Resources.
- Can you get new pants? Especially get rid of the ones that feel too tight and press on you, the ones you wrote about.
- what is your anchor, in terms of calming yourself or distracting yourself? We all need an anchor, like exercise and affirmations, or meditation, or arts, or Sports, whatever. having a daily practice helps clear thoughts and focus us on recovery.
 
Some simple tips would be to buy a waist size larger. Sitting does put pressure on your mid section if jeans are too tight. ( I know this from experience) that’s a start.

OCD can be debilitating and is a perfect manifestation of TMS. Again, I know this from experience. The right mindset and changing thought patterns is very successful in reigning this in. As Andy shared meditation links, that is a proven methodology in working through this. I would add progressive muscle relaxation as well as yoga to the mix.

Working all these in with the proper support network will get you to a better place faster than you can imagine.

Best to you
 
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