Hi Anita, I've had a lot of time to think about the issue lately and to figure what is right for me. And I think you are absolutely correct in reminding me that this about being pain free. What I came up with is a compromise: I will speak (gently) when my family members say two specific things that hurt me most (that the past wasn't that bad and that I need to get over it). As for the rest and the fact that they do not show me any empathy, I will work on just accepting that this is how they are. I will not, however, be investing as much time and energy as I have been doing in the last 5 years (when I started visiting more and developed tms). I am finding that my relationship with them is directly related to my neck pain. I need some distance and I'm finally giving myself permission to take it. I don't feel the need to discuss this decision with them. It would only cause hard feelings. Your comment about speaking with your husband made me realise something as well. I too spoke to my husband to resolve issues that were bothering me. The funny thing is that this was not difficult for me to do at all. The difference is that my husband has always been loving and supportive. I was not worried about him criticizing me, rejecting me, saying hurtful things to me if I shared things with him. I do not feel that way about my family and have ample evidence as to why I should, in fact, be careful around them. Hi Walt, I really appreciate your comment. I love my family in my own way. But do I really have to sacrifice myself in the process just because they are asking me to do this? Your decision is proof that we can give ourselves permission to be who we are and trust that people will adapt. Respecting myself and living in a way that will keep me pain free is a choice I am allowed to make. It has been a difficult choice for me because of my goodist personality trait, but this is something I need to change in myself. The fact that you were successful is really encouraging! Thanks as always!