I first was introduced to TMS about 4/5 months ago. I came across Dr. Sarno's "The Divided Mind, The Epidemics of MindBody Disorders". As I first read the book, I thought that Dr. Sarno was arrogant. This wasn't science - why was I so desperate to be reading snake oil (the book cover itself doesn't do much to dispel this). I continued reading, however, and became convinced. I remember being reluctant to journal and write down, back then I was very reluctant to take care of myself in any capacity. I felt, and still do, guilty for taking time to look after myself, it makes me angry - I should be taken care off, I never have been. I remember going for a walk, and suddenly I felt that I don't want to go back to University. This struck me as amazing - I had never had a feeling before. I was always hyper logical and did what I was supposed to do, the right thing. Over the months I slowly began to re-read parts of the book and begin journalling. At first it was a chore and done infrequently but now more so. I continued to learn more and more from the book as I re-read it, using my knew found awareness to understand Dr. Sarno more. I then went through Alan Gordon's recovery programme - a very different approach but very practical and it helped me to make the next step and make changes in my daily life. It took time for Alan's words to sink in but I do now find myself tending to myself and when presented with a choice/ option reassuring myself that neither outcome will be the end of the world. I then reached out to a GP familiar with Dr. Sarno's work. I found it reassuring to know that other people really believed this. I have continued to work on myself at home. I found that other areas of my life began to fall into place. I started going to the gym, playing sport and feeling better. I was still not free of TMS. Up to this point in my TMS recovery I was primarily focused on recent stressors in my life and my personality traits. I then started this programme two weeks ago. I started to finally focus on my childhood. Last week I think I touched upon something as I had really bad anxiety for a week. The worst that I have ever had. It was terrible. I had to take time out from TMS. It may have been better to continue pushing but I wanted to let myself heal. I was all over the place, lost appetite, paranoia, very bad sleep, binging on sugar, no exercise. I finally decided to ask for help and reached out to an analytical psychotherapist. I'm in the U.K. and I couldn't easily find a psychotherapist familiar with TMS. I got lucky in my choice, I found the initial appointment very revealing and had a lot of relief. The psychotherapist encouraged me to stay with my feelings and to stop diverting. I had genuine insight and learnt a lot. I now plan to see him twice a week and hope to continue my healing journey. I am hopeful that I can continue to learn about TMS, my psyche and continue to become a healthier, happier person. I look forward to the next ten weeks before college and hope to continue on this journey.