The program is going well. I think I’m getting better, but I still have some fear. Yesterday I didn’t have a lot of pain in my arms while working, but my thorac sides (?) hurted so much when I was moving ! It’s very odd, I never had pain in these muscles. Also, I had a burning sensation going on in my face and head area. Like, what the hell. It dosen’t make sense. TMS is so silly. Today, I would like to write about my story and the reasons I think I have TMS. One of the things that stresses me is the fact that I can’t have a doctor confirming it to me (there is no TMS doctors is Quebec). So I will start with my story with my present symptoms. The first time I experienced pain in my right wrist was when I was 21-22 (not sure). I don’t recall the context, I don’t know if I was stressed, but I was certainly working on one of my comic books. I took a couple days off and the pain went away. But starting from then, my wrist would always be more « fragile ». If I worked too hard for too long, it would start to hurt. A year ago, that pain went in my back. It was awfull. For a month or to, the only thing I could do without pain was being in a warm bath. I saw a ostepath who told me to relax my shoulders… I started to work standing up, instead of sitting, and it helped me a lot. Eventually, the pain went away, but then my neck and back and wrist started to feel « fragile ». I was very cautious. Last january, the pain started to be really anoying, and kept coming back even if I was trying not to work « too hard ». I went to see a chiropractor who told me I had a couple of « cervical subluaxtions » which caused a neuralgia. He also told me I had hypermobility (?) so I probably would have a lot of tendinosises in my life (yay). He wanted to ajust me 3 times a week for four months, while saying my problems were « minors ». Why would it take you four month to help me if my problems aren’t that severe ?? I didn’t take his treatment. I went to see a physiologist, reccomended by a friend of mine, also a cartoonist, that struggled with a arm pain for two years. The physio fixed him in four weeks, but didn’t do much for me. I fixed my posture, strenghten my back muscles. But the pain was always there, in my back, my shoulders, my neck, and my two arms. I was always focusing on the pain, on the way I was standing while working, It was awful. Sometimes it would be a burning sensation on my skin. I saw a second osteo who told me my tummy was too tight. I had to relax it. She was pressing on my stomac to « relax it » and the pain was horrible. It didn’t do much. I went at my local librairy, seeking for books about pain. And then I discovered Dr Sarno’s book (I don’t know the english title, mine is in french). And now I’m here ! Hello. The reasons I think I have TMS is, for a start, that I started to have wrist problem shortly after being informed most comic book artist develop those. I never had pain while drawing before. Secondly, I always have been very anxious. I’m often having some depersonnalization ; it started when I was a child. Also, I made myself puke, from 13 to 21, everytime I was too stressed : it relaxed me. I had trouble sleeping for a long time (not so much now). I always needed 2 or 3 hours in the dark before falling a sleep. My room had to be completly dark, and if there was any sound, I could sleep. The first night I spent in my first appartment, when I mooved out from my parent’s, I fell alseep in 15 minutes ! I don’t have trouble sleeping anymore. Finally, when I was 19, I started to have a huge pain in my chest. I though I had heart problems. I had it for two months, then it exploded in a huge panic attack : I couldn’t breathe. Something distracting me from the pain happened and the pain and panic dissapeared. Nothing really « triggered » this attack. I don’t know exactly why it happened at that time in my life. But the thing is : I don’t know exacly why my wrist problems started. I wasn’t stressed that much during that time of my life. But I’m anxious all the time, so I guess it’s my body way to respond when he has to much to deal with. I also had a weird allergic rhinitis a couple months ago. It started out of nowhere, then disappered after a couple of months. I also recall having a huge dermititis during a terrible break up (with my present boyfriend, we have a bumpy past). I was disfigued. I took some medecine and it went away. So there it is, this is me ! Last night I dreamed a TMS doctor gave me a TMS diagnostic, haha ! I really wish I could rely on some professional advice. But I guess I will have to trust my guts on this. I would like to finish by saying thanks to everyone who is reading me and answering me. You all are very supportive. Except my to boyfriend, I don’t talk about my TMS journey to anyone. I find it hard, plus and I’m pretty emotionnal lately (journaling brings the pain back). So thank you for the support. You are lovely human beings. S.