Day 10 My story + why I think it's TMS

The program is going well. I think I’m getting better, but I still have some fear.
Yesterday I didn’t have a lot of pain in my arms while working, but my thorac sides (?) hurted so much when I was moving ! It’s very odd, I never had pain in these muscles. Also, I had a burning sensation going on in my face and head area. Like, what the hell. It dosen’t make sense. TMS is so silly.

Today, I would like to write about my story and the reasons I think I have TMS. One of the things that stresses me is the fact that I can’t have a doctor confirming it to me (there is no TMS doctors is Quebec).

So I will start with my story with my present symptoms.

The first time I experienced pain in my right wrist was when I was 21-22 (not sure). I don’t recall the context, I don’t know if I was stressed, but I was certainly working on one of my comic books. I took a couple days off and the pain went away. But starting from then, my wrist would always be more « fragile ». If I worked too hard for too long, it would start to hurt. A year ago, that pain went in my back. It was awfull. For a month or to, the only thing I could do without pain was being in a warm bath. I saw a ostepath who told me to relax my shoulders… I started to work standing up, instead of sitting, and it helped me a lot. Eventually, the pain went away, but then my neck and back and wrist started to feel « fragile ». I was very cautious. Last january, the pain started to be really anoying, and kept coming back even if I was trying not to work « too hard ». I went to see a chiropractor who told me I had a couple of « cervical subluaxtions » which caused a neuralgia. He also told me I had hypermobility (?) so I probably would have a lot of tendinosises in my life (yay). He wanted to ajust me 3 times a week for four months, while saying my problems were « minors ». Why would it take you four month to help me if my problems aren’t that severe ?? I didn’t take his treatment. I went to see a physiologist, reccomended by a friend of mine, also a cartoonist, that struggled with a arm pain for two years. The physio fixed him in four weeks, but didn’t do much for me. I fixed my posture, strenghten my back muscles. But the pain was always there, in my back, my shoulders, my neck, and my two arms. I was always focusing on the pain, on the way I was standing while working, It was awful. Sometimes it would be a burning sensation on my skin. I saw a second osteo who told me my tummy was too tight. I had to relax it. She was pressing on my stomac to « relax it » and the pain was horrible. It didn’t do much.

I went at my local librairy, seeking for books about pain. And then I discovered Dr Sarno’s book (I don’t know the english title, mine is in french). And now I’m here ! Hello.

The reasons I think I have TMS is, for a start, that I started to have wrist problem shortly after being informed most comic book artist develop those. I never had pain while drawing before.

Secondly, I always have been very anxious. I’m often having some depersonnalization ; it started when I was a child. Also, I made myself puke, from 13 to 21, everytime I was too stressed : it relaxed me. I had trouble sleeping for a long time (not so much now). I always needed 2 or 3 hours in the dark before falling a sleep. My room had to be completly dark, and if there was any sound, I could sleep. The first night I spent in my first appartment, when I mooved out from my parent’s, I fell alseep in 15 minutes ! I don’t have trouble sleeping anymore. Finally, when I was 19, I started to have a huge pain in my chest. I though I had heart problems. I had it for two months, then it exploded in a huge panic attack : I couldn’t breathe. Something distracting me from the pain happened and the pain and panic dissapeared. Nothing really « triggered » this attack. I don’t know exactly why it happened at that time in my life. But the thing is : I don’t know exacly why my wrist problems started. I wasn’t stressed that much during that time of my life. But I’m anxious all the time, so I guess it’s my body way to respond when he has to much to deal with.

I also had a weird allergic rhinitis a couple months ago. It started out of nowhere, then disappered after a couple of months. I also recall having a huge dermititis during a terrible break up (with my present boyfriend, we have a bumpy past). I was disfigued. I took some medecine and it went away.

So there it is, this is me ! Last night I dreamed a TMS doctor gave me a TMS diagnostic, haha ! I really wish I could rely on some professional advice. But I guess I will have to trust my guts on this.

I would like to finish by saying thanks to everyone who is reading me and answering me. You all are very supportive. Except my to boyfriend, I don’t talk about my TMS journey to anyone. I find it hard, plus and I’m pretty emotionnal lately (journaling brings the pain back). So thank you for the support. You are lovely human beings.


S.

 

Sacha, it's great to read your story and what has brought you to the forum. I definitely identify with so many things you said! I also wanted to point out an interesting parallel between the two of us. I've been experiencing foot pain for 1.5 months, always in the same place, always the same sharp, stabbing kind of pain. It started to diminish quickly when I got on the Structured Educational Program. About 5 or 6 days into the Program, I was 95% pain free! Then on day 10 something happened: I felt a different, burning sensation in a different part of my foot. Clearly, as others have pointed out, TMS is very clever and it will try to keep us preoccupied with physical symptoms -- especially when other symptoms of pain have already disappeared! So I think what you are experiencing is normal and to be expected. Don't lose hope, and keep working hard! We are on the right track!

 

Sacha, I agree with Oceana, you are on the right track! I also don't have access to a TMS therapist but I received a lot of reassurance through this forum that my symptoms were presenting themselves in very typical TMS ways. Yours sound so TMSie too! Self-diagnosis is very legitimate, and in some ways, I've come to realize that my reliance on external factors (like Doctors and Physical therapists) to tell me what was going on with me ended up disempowering me from what I needed most-- to recognize and understand TMS. So keep up the wonderful exploration. It's truly a journey into your heart.
All the best,
Janine

 

I am on day 3 and can relate to your post. I am here because of chronic migraines. I also experience anxiety because of it as well as neck pain and digestive problems. I've been to chiropractors since I was 16 (I'm now 37) just like you and have worked on my posture for years. I also do acupuncture and see a migraine specialist. Nothing is really helping and I can relate to so many of the people here. Thank you for your post.

 

Hey Sacha!
I can relate to this -- I have RSI, live in Quebec, and have had a similar experience with anxiety and chest pains (was my first type of pain, now long gone). My RSI came on when I got a job as a tech writer -- before I even wrote a single article. Literally the day after I got hired, bilaterally in both hands. Sorry you have to be here, but welcome to the club!