I have posted my story in here previously, however it was a while back and it sometimes makes me feel better when I tell others what I am going through and get their perspective on things. I think the main thing that I always think about and that probably holds me back from fully committing to the recovery program is... do I actually have TMS? Or is what I'm going through some serious medical condition that the doctors just haven't seen in my tests. Hopefully you can help me.
I am currently 21 years old, but it was when I was 19 that my symptoms started, literally overnight. I remember it clearly. It was the day before the superbowl, Panthers vs. Broncos. I had recently joined a fraternity on my college campus and was at the house drinking and hanging out with friends. I know that I got very drunk that night, and fell asleep on the spare bed in my friends room. The next morning, I was obviously very hungover, and my friend and I went to Wal-Mart to get some food items for the superbowl that night. I do remember at one point taking a 5 hour energy drink to help me stay awake through the day, but I can't remember if I took it before or after I started feeling weird that morning. I remember telling my friend that I wasn't feeling too good. I felt very weak, fatigue, and like I could pass out at any moment. It was something I had never felt before, not like a normal hangover feeling at all.
I went home that night and thought I would just feel better in the morning if I got some rest, but I didn't. I think it took about one week for me to start feeling pretty normal again, but I don't know if I ever felt 100% better.
Anyway, I felt ok for a little while, and then the next time that I got really drunk, the same thing happened again. I would feel dizzy, have fuzzy vision, tight throat, tight neck, fatigue, etc... Then I stopped drinking for a while, and changed my diet completely, thinking that it had to be due to my diet and alcohol consumption. I was very scared during this time and didn't know what was going to happen to me.
I felt pretty good for a while with my new diet, and then one day remember drinking a zero calorie energy drink to study for a test in the morning, and within minutes the feelings came back. I was terrified. I thought, how could my symptoms come back when I didn't even drink anything with sugar, which I was cutting from my diet. After that point, I never felt a day of relief again.
My symptoms worsened, picked up new symptoms, and many different things happened. Last fall, my symptoms were a tight neck, pain at the base of my skull, a pounding feeling in the back of my head which is especially prevalent whenever I lay down for bed, I can feel it, fatigue, blurry vision, tired eyes, alcohol intolerance, etc... Then one day I woke up and had weakness in my lower right leg. It was as though it would drag if I didn't put more effort into it, and it made me feel bad exerting more to walk properly. A few months ago, the same thing happened with my right leg. And just recently, I have all of those symptoms, plus now I have developed a type of vertigo or equilibrium issue that makes me feel like I'm walking on clouds, and that the ground beneath me is moving.
I am an absolute mess. Ever since this started, everything has gone downhill for me. I have struggled with my classes, relationships, friendships, everything. Most of the time I don't feel like doing anything except staying in bed, but I make myself go out sometimes so that I'm not a recluse. I don't know how I would make it through a day to day job, thankfully I make enough money online to support myself through college. I struggle going to my classes, and have extreme anxiety and fear about my symptoms getting bad in public and other people noticing. I am afraid that I could die from whatever this is that I have...
Some background info:
I have always suffered from anxiety, and my personality is a clone of everything that is talked about in the TMS books and what not. I did have a very rough childhood, with my mother going to prison, dad addicted to drugs, fighting with my moms new boyfriend, seeing some stuff that a young kid should never have to see or go through.
Before all of this happened, I was the golden boy. College QB(before I quit playing after my freshman year), great grades, smart, had so many things going for me. Now, I feel like a shell of my former self. Lately I have been thinking that maybe there's just no point in going on anymore, I'm in such agony, I wake up scared to start each day.
I have had two MRI's of the brain done, all kinds of blood work, tests, blah blah blah, passed everything. One doctor even said "well, on paper you're the healthiest person I've ever seen." Which really disheartened me because all I've been searching for is a diagnosis.
There have definitely been inconsistencies in my pain, which is why I think that a part of me really thinks that TMS could potentially be the cause, however my symptoms just don't seem a lot like other peoples on the site, so it makes me think that because it is not simple back pain like a lot of people, maybe what I have is real. The times when my symptoms decrease are when I am with or around family, especially my mom since she is someone that I have told about my symptoms, I feel more safe when I'm around her. Also, my symptoms seem to decrease whenever I go to the doctor, or to get an MRI. I'm not sure why, but it definitely happens. They are worse whenever I am fearing them or having anxiety about something.
Another note: I know that I have had TMS before, back when I wasn't even aware of it. It was probably a year before all of this started happening. I was 18 I think and living at my grandmas house during the summer before the school year. I started having chest and left arm pain, and convinced myself I was having a heart attack or going to soon. One day, I just was scared and had my grandma take me to the emergency room, where they ran tests and everything was perfect. Within hours, I had forgotten about the pain because I wasn't afraid of something being wrong with my heart anymore, and I was fine. At the time, I had no idea that it was all in my head.
I hope that you have taken the time to read my story and could possibly provide me with your perspective on my situation. I really am at my wits end. I never imagined myself being someone that would be in this horrible situation, and I am very, very scared for my future. Each day that goes by I wonder how much longer I can take it. Please, let me know if you have any words of incite or encouragement for me.
If you want me to provide any more information about my story, situation, or anything at all, I am more than glad to. Thank you, and God Bless.
I am currently 21 years old, but it was when I was 19 that my symptoms started, literally overnight. I remember it clearly. It was the day before the superbowl, Panthers vs. Broncos. I had recently joined a fraternity on my college campus and was at the house drinking and hanging out with friends. I know that I got very drunk that night, and fell asleep on the spare bed in my friends room. The next morning, I was obviously very hungover, and my friend and I went to Wal-Mart to get some food items for the superbowl that night. I do remember at one point taking a 5 hour energy drink to help me stay awake through the day, but I can't remember if I took it before or after I started feeling weird that morning. I remember telling my friend that I wasn't feeling too good. I felt very weak, fatigue, and like I could pass out at any moment. It was something I had never felt before, not like a normal hangover feeling at all.
I went home that night and thought I would just feel better in the morning if I got some rest, but I didn't. I think it took about one week for me to start feeling pretty normal again, but I don't know if I ever felt 100% better.
Anyway, I felt ok for a little while, and then the next time that I got really drunk, the same thing happened again. I would feel dizzy, have fuzzy vision, tight throat, tight neck, fatigue, etc... Then I stopped drinking for a while, and changed my diet completely, thinking that it had to be due to my diet and alcohol consumption. I was very scared during this time and didn't know what was going to happen to me.
I felt pretty good for a while with my new diet, and then one day remember drinking a zero calorie energy drink to study for a test in the morning, and within minutes the feelings came back. I was terrified. I thought, how could my symptoms come back when I didn't even drink anything with sugar, which I was cutting from my diet. After that point, I never felt a day of relief again.
My symptoms worsened, picked up new symptoms, and many different things happened. Last fall, my symptoms were a tight neck, pain at the base of my skull, a pounding feeling in the back of my head which is especially prevalent whenever I lay down for bed, I can feel it, fatigue, blurry vision, tired eyes, alcohol intolerance, etc... Then one day I woke up and had weakness in my lower right leg. It was as though it would drag if I didn't put more effort into it, and it made me feel bad exerting more to walk properly. A few months ago, the same thing happened with my right leg. And just recently, I have all of those symptoms, plus now I have developed a type of vertigo or equilibrium issue that makes me feel like I'm walking on clouds, and that the ground beneath me is moving.
I am an absolute mess. Ever since this started, everything has gone downhill for me. I have struggled with my classes, relationships, friendships, everything. Most of the time I don't feel like doing anything except staying in bed, but I make myself go out sometimes so that I'm not a recluse. I don't know how I would make it through a day to day job, thankfully I make enough money online to support myself through college. I struggle going to my classes, and have extreme anxiety and fear about my symptoms getting bad in public and other people noticing. I am afraid that I could die from whatever this is that I have...
Some background info:
I have always suffered from anxiety, and my personality is a clone of everything that is talked about in the TMS books and what not. I did have a very rough childhood, with my mother going to prison, dad addicted to drugs, fighting with my moms new boyfriend, seeing some stuff that a young kid should never have to see or go through.
Before all of this happened, I was the golden boy. College QB(before I quit playing after my freshman year), great grades, smart, had so many things going for me. Now, I feel like a shell of my former self. Lately I have been thinking that maybe there's just no point in going on anymore, I'm in such agony, I wake up scared to start each day.
I have had two MRI's of the brain done, all kinds of blood work, tests, blah blah blah, passed everything. One doctor even said "well, on paper you're the healthiest person I've ever seen." Which really disheartened me because all I've been searching for is a diagnosis.
There have definitely been inconsistencies in my pain, which is why I think that a part of me really thinks that TMS could potentially be the cause, however my symptoms just don't seem a lot like other peoples on the site, so it makes me think that because it is not simple back pain like a lot of people, maybe what I have is real. The times when my symptoms decrease are when I am with or around family, especially my mom since she is someone that I have told about my symptoms, I feel more safe when I'm around her. Also, my symptoms seem to decrease whenever I go to the doctor, or to get an MRI. I'm not sure why, but it definitely happens. They are worse whenever I am fearing them or having anxiety about something.
Another note: I know that I have had TMS before, back when I wasn't even aware of it. It was probably a year before all of this started happening. I was 18 I think and living at my grandmas house during the summer before the school year. I started having chest and left arm pain, and convinced myself I was having a heart attack or going to soon. One day, I just was scared and had my grandma take me to the emergency room, where they ran tests and everything was perfect. Within hours, I had forgotten about the pain because I wasn't afraid of something being wrong with my heart anymore, and I was fine. At the time, I had no idea that it was all in my head.
I hope that you have taken the time to read my story and could possibly provide me with your perspective on my situation. I really am at my wits end. I never imagined myself being someone that would be in this horrible situation, and I am very, very scared for my future. Each day that goes by I wonder how much longer I can take it. Please, let me know if you have any words of incite or encouragement for me.
If you want me to provide any more information about my story, situation, or anything at all, I am more than glad to. Thank you, and God Bless.
