My story / asking for feedback

N

nico87

New Member
Hello, I am from Germany - so please forgive my english which might not be perfect.

I would love to have a feedback on my situation, as I am dealing with debilitating symptoms for a year now. I try to summarize:

Everything started actually 1,5 years ago, in spring we went for three month on a surfing trip to spain. On the 3 day drive from Germany to spain I developed some knee pain (understandable). After some weeks I suddendly had burning muscle pain on my upper legs at night, sleeping the rest of the time on a very hard bed helped the problem a bit . At this time I was mentally very happy (surfing in Spain) and had no explication regarding this burning pain, except vaccination and covid, which I had both in the beginning of the year.
My knees went better, still had some problems playing soccer.

In late summer my father died within 3 weeks very surprisingly. After this a downward spiral began: After running for some relief, my knee pain started intensly again and never resolved until today. Looking into that a doctor said besides some small athritis my knee is fine, but he stated that I need a hip replacement (which turned out to be totally wrong). Afther the death of my father and this diagnosis, I went down a spiral with more stress, panic and symptoms (my legs burned as hell, my neck and upper back tightend, I got tinitus and then in the beginning of this year neurological problems - sometimes I felt drunk, dizzy, certain movements I almost blacked out), got pain all over my body, especially problems with muscles and joints. I was constantly looking for answers, went e.g. after lyme disease (which is very contraversial) which I was tested postive as well.

After a lot of treatments (I did everything possible - antibiotics, supplements, massage, accupuncture, cleansing&detox, massage, pyhsiotherapie, rife machine, and a a lot more) I am finally getting better, far away from feeling healthy. My neurological symtoms (fatigue, diziness etc..) improved a lot, my physical symptoms not so much - I still feel a lot of knee pain, muscle and tendon pain, I feel like my neck and beck is very stiff and making a lot of cracking noises when moving etc...).

About two month ago I heared about TMS, but I am constantly falling back and forth in my head if I have e.g. some lyme bacteria or virus eating up my body, or if my brain is just going crazy.

Why I think it is NOT TMS:

- It all started in Spain (burning muscle pain), when I had a really great time surfing at the beach - no stress at all
- I had stress before in my life, but never ever something comparable to this symptoms
- My knee pain is really bad, I always have a stiff knee waiking up, I feel some structural resistence bending it. Is it possible that TMS does something like this?
- some symptoms are really stable (knee pain, tissue problems in neck/back, tinitus)

Why I think it could be TMS:
- Symptoms really kicked off with stress (death of my father, wrong diagnosis of artificial hip)
- I really really panicked a lot with all of this crazy symptoms / always had a lot of fear that my life will never be the same again
- burning pain really jumps around crazy (foot, hips, back, arms, scatia etc..)

I am really happy for any feedback :-)
 
Hi @nico87
Your symptoms sound very much like they are tms to me because there are so many. Many times the first symptom you notice seems “structural” like knee pain, and you should definitely have a Dr. check the knee to make sure there is no structural damage - you did the right thing.
Tinnitus and the stiff muscles “tension” is such a physical manifestation of stress. You mention it began with having the best time of your life and you did not notice stress. Unrecognized anxiety.
Others have mentioned that they get pain on vacation. I think it can occur for many reasons but the main point of TMS is, is that this is subconsciously generated, so you won’t really know why.
The most important things are to begin educating yourself about pain. Dr. Sarno’s books are most likely translated into German. Reading one will help you understand TMS more.
This website has two free programs at tmswiki.org and the Structured Educational Program will slowly take you through lessons to learn to help yourself.
Here are two TMS coaches in Germany: https://www.painreprocessingtherapy.com/directory-health_coach/?filter_global%5B%5D=756&filter=1&sort=location_address&num=50 (Health Coach Directory - Pain Reprocessing Therapy Institute)

This should link two trained psychologists in Germany: https://www.painreprocessingtherapy.com/clinician-directory/?filter_global%5B%5D=125&filter=1&sort=location_address&num=50 (Mental Health Clinician Directory - Pain Reprocessing Therapy Institute)

You can choose to do the program and read the Sarno book yourself or get help from a psychologist.

Like you, I have had many many symptoms. They can change, sometimes return then go away again fairly quickly. Dr. Sarno reassures is that TMS can not hurt us, and to think psychological!
 
Hello Cactusflower,

thank you for your response. I have been trying to read through the program and some books (by Dr. Sarno and Alan Gordon). I tried to implement a lot of things in my life (staying calm, meditating, going into nature, working with a psychologist, trying to accept that my symptoms are tms)... still I see little progress.

I am reaching out to this community as I am really desperate. I feel like a Zombie walking around, a lot of problems with my joints and tissue. I really feel that I can loose everything in life, my wife, my job, all of my hobbies. I have so much problems with my muscle and joints, all the tissue on between my neck, my shoulder and back is hard as stone... always. I sometimes can barely move my neck.... do you really think this is caused by tms?

Also, after seeing aroung 5-6 orthopedists, the last one confirmed that my joints are hard (due to virus or bacteria - and that I takes 1-2 years to get better). I am not so sure what to think of that, because every doctor has a different theorie.

Besides the feedback (do you still think this is TMS) I have another question to this community. I really try to stay calm, to meditate - but it is so hard to stay at a consistant state of mind. I always meditate or go for a walk, but what am I going to do the rest of the day? The pain, the stiffness - all the problems - for me it is just impossible to stay calm and at peace. Maybe if you experience something similar - how do you get through the day? I am so desperate, I really don't have any clue what to do anymore. I have been through so much pain, so much doctors.
 
nico87 said:
I have been trying to read through the program...
Click to expand...
What do you mean by "trying to read through" the program? The SEP program has writing exercises that are essential to "doing the work" as we call it.

Also, remember that we are not medical professionals here. @Cactusflower already gave you the best answer to your question that you can get from those of us who also suffer from the emotional stress condition we call TMS.

Your brain can take any "real" illness or injury and turn it into a chronic condition for purposes of keeping you in fear or to repress negative emotions which it does not want you to look at. There may have been something about your vacation which triggered a negative emotion that had been repressed when you were busy with work and family. When the stress of daily life is removed, for many people it triggers symptoms.

Question: what about your childhood? Have you examined that while working on the SEP program? Childhood and family dynamics are where most of our negative emotions come from, and even if they were not traumatic, they can combine with adult stresses and pressures to create TMS.

If your ability to listen to English is up to it, here is info about an excellent podcast on what it takes to do this work: https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/must-listen-podcast-episode.27604/ (MUST LISTEN podcast episode)
 
@nico87
You are still seeking out Dr’s and still looking for medical reasons why you have this tension. You do not yet believe that it could be psychological. You can not heal from tms unless you actually do the tms work.
It is not forcing yourself to “stay calm” this will make symptoms worse because it is a lie. You are not calm. You are obsessed with symptoms and most likely have emotions around them you are not addressing. It is good you have a psychologist.
Continue reading Dr. Sarno and pay close attention to where he points out that we often have rage and anger we do not realize is there.
Also know that your Doctors are trying to help you, and often try to come up with “answers” that are only possible, but are not true. They do not know about tms - it is not taught to them.
The responsibility to choose to heal yourself is yours. Talk to your wife about your fears. Stop talking about your problems with TMS at home after that.
Staying calm and at peace for 2 minutes today is an improvement over the day you had no minutes of peace. Tomorrow maybe three minutes? This is the progress. You must stop only looking for the fear, the doom.
You can do this, but it is not instant or magic. You only found out about tms less than 2 months ago.
Keep working on it. Look for tiny improvements.
 
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