My premature earlier post

This is my third post. My first post was made (I think) in late August of this year. I had inquired about inflammation being an aspect of TMS. In my second post, I was very gung-ho about recovery. I went so far as to state that I was not going to post anymore, I was simply going to get better. In late August, I set my sites on recovery by October 1. I have made tremendous progress psychologically, but none physically. I started engaging in mindfulness meditation almost daily, and stuck to the structured program almost daily. I was (am) very committed. I only skipped days when I felt that to do otherwise would be to push "too hard".

An interesting aspect of my TMS is that I am very blunted emotionally as a result of having taken SSRI antidepressants for half of my life. I almost lack the ability to cry, for instance. When I started the program, I also (under the guidance of my psychiatrist) started tapering off SSRI medication. I am now on 95% of the dose that I was on in August, and am noticing increased emotional responsiveness, as well as some mundane withdrawal symptoms.

I am posting because I am starting to reconsider the diagnosis of TMS. I firmly believed that I would be fine in 7-8 weeks from when I started the program (October 1). I envisioned life without pain, fatigue, digestive issues, etc. This reality was scary: I have been dysfunctional for quite some time, and am trying to view myself as functional again. However, I do want to recover. I know recovery will mean that my life will be more difficult in some ways, but I DO want to recover.

After having engaged in self-hypnosis, meditation, the six week program, I am experiencing as much pain and dysfunction as ever. I feel depressed about it, but that could be a result of the medication withdrawal. I wonder if I have TMS. My problems started after an auto crash in which I was struck from behind. This was eight years ago.

I can understand TMS being related to repressed negativity, "goodism", etc. I fit the TMS psychological profile. Or, at least I did, prior to starting the program. I've changed somewhat, for the better. It's been said that TMS/fibromyalgia is likely several different conditions. I'm starting to worry that my version is different than that of everyone else since it involved a car crash. After the crash, I couldn't see properly for about a week as a result of brain issues. I wonder if I damaged my brain beyond repair at this point.

Can anyone here speak to TMS brought on by physical trauma, and the likelihood of recovery from such trauma-induced TMS?

In closing, one more thing: The trauma resulted in multiple trigger points, sore ligaments, etc. However, it wasn't until about four months afterwards that a "change" came over me, and I developed, over the course of one day, fibromyalgia.

Thanks.

 

Hi Music,
I cannot respond to the physical trauma piece, but with respect I want to respond to the general gist of your post:

You are very focused and goal oriented, and following through. That is great. But TMS may not necessarily respond in the way, and in the time frame you desire. In fact, having been around this forum for years, and doing individual coaching with TMS clients, I would say that to have one's recovery expectations challenged is actually more the norm!

Two suggestions: Try to inquire to see if in your good motivation/follow-through there isn't coersion, pushing, perfectionism (all with the best intentions!). At first we can only bring to bear on our TMS what our personality patterns are. It is important to see this with compassion, and understanding, realizing that our best efforts may in fact be perpetuating things... a respectful suggestion, I hope.

Second suggestion is to focus on the benefits of the psychological work, and try to be as patient as possible with regard to the symptom relief, as you continue to plug away at your chosen TMS practices. I hear your celebration in being able to feel more now. This is huge! Each person unfolds in their own time and way, and to your credit, you're getting psychological support.

Good luck and I hope you hang in here!

Andy B.

 

Thanks for the reply.

One thing that occurs to me is that I might be living in an environment that doesn't permit recovery. When I started the program (and this was after having been in counselling for two years) I told myself that commitment to recovery would override the negativity of my surroundings, but now I'm not so sure. I have lived with my parents since developing fibromyalgia, and deal with the stress of issues affecting my parents. I'm now thinking that maybe I need to get out of this environment.

 

Yes Music, your environment, and the way you are reacting to it are very important, in my opinion...

That said, the emphasis might be more on seeing the way you are reacting --and treating yourself-- in the environment, rather than finding the perfect environment. Some people respond well seeing how they are pressuring themselves. Others seem to need to reduce the pressures that is worsened by the environment. In any case, I see "individuation" --being yourself, taking care of your needs, speaking your mind, making changes that work for you--as being an important strand of TMS work.

 

Hi, music321. Living with your parents may produce anxiety but as for the fibro, that is pure TMS from repressed emotions. If living with your parents is tolerable, be grateful for that, probably making it easier for you financially. But I also would look into the possibility of sharing an apartment with someone. I had some really good experiences in that. But know the person pretty well before you share space. Be sure you're compatible. Meanwhile, if you haven't started the Structured Educational Program, free in the subforum of this web site, I urge you to do so. It helps us to discover and deal with the emotions causing our pain.

These days, lots of people live with their parents. There's no shame or guilt in that. Be glad your parents want you. Try to find things you enjoy together. If you bend a little toward them, they may bend toward you. You may be more of a help and comfort to them than you think.

Maybe share some TMS techniques with them. You don't even have to say they are TMS. Deep breathing is one of the best things.

 

Frankly, at this point, I don't know what "repressed emotions" are. I have called to mind a variety of negative events/life circumstances from the past, and have worked through them emotionally. I.e., I have felt the emotions associated with these experiences, and have simply let them wash through me. These events are not nearly as emotionally charged as they once were. More events/circumstances continually come to light. I probably won't get through all of them, but I want to get to a point where they no longer bother me. It's discouraging that there are so many of us on this site. Why can't we process our emotions and get on with life as so many with TMS have been able to do?

 

Andy gave you some great advice, he gets it when it comes to the way you react. People often want to project there problems on others and blame other people. Often people will run from there problems instead of learning from them. I'm by no means saying people should stay in a physically or verbally abusive situation. Be your own judge.

I took it as my symptoms getting worse as a good sign. When they move and intensify means I'm on to something. The truth often rattles us, but the ego refuses to let go. Try not to focus to much on what you are repressing and don't focus on the body. Keep at it, be patience and enjoy things in life. Your time to heal will come when your ready. I got faith in you, good luck. We are what we believe.

Ryan

 

This sounds very good to me. The rest will follow naturally. I think of what you're doing as "opening the door to feelings." This process goes deep. It begins to tell the deeper parts of ourselves that the repression is not as needed as we thought. It begins to lesson the pressure/tension. It is allowing more flow and more awareness that is key, in my opinion, more than finding a specific element in you that needs to be felt/seen. It is a slow unwinding process that will bring about change. And the insights you need will come.

 

Excactly what Tom says