Lydia
Peer Supporter
Quite a subject to me, to honestly see and experience what happens, when I close my eyes and speak into my memorecorder to connect with what I feel, while remembering old and traumatic issues. Often a lot of rage pops up, and I see how strong the body sensations are while experiencing this emotion. My face looks like a witch, my eyes are filled with 'hate' as if I am ready to murder somebody right now (-:
And then, after a while, underlying sadness and grief can come out, if it's there. If there is enough space and I am feeling completely safe (read: alone). It surprises me each time, how big this emotion can be. How much and tall it seems, how almost overwhelming, like a huge dark cloud. How much time it needs to show itself completely, too. How unfamiliar I am with this grief.
And... how strong also the mind wants to interfere, and push it down and back again, where it was locked up for all these years. This morning I could see clearly the step-by-step mechanism of surpressing emotion. How it works. How tempting it is to let that happen, and do nothing, just give in.
I am so grateful for that 'seeing-experience'. It helps me to stay on track and believe in TMS.
Pfffff, I am so tired afterwards. There is the big relief that I can experience in my body (with rage less pain in my arms, and with grief more space on the chest, easier breathing) and there is also the exhaustion. I allow myself to take a small nap, and then celebrate the rest of the day the letting go of old shit, and taking care of my body and soul (-:
Have a nice day you all, and I am really curious about your experiences with emotions (-:
And then, after a while, underlying sadness and grief can come out, if it's there. If there is enough space and I am feeling completely safe (read: alone). It surprises me each time, how big this emotion can be. How much and tall it seems, how almost overwhelming, like a huge dark cloud. How much time it needs to show itself completely, too. How unfamiliar I am with this grief.
And... how strong also the mind wants to interfere, and push it down and back again, where it was locked up for all these years. This morning I could see clearly the step-by-step mechanism of surpressing emotion. How it works. How tempting it is to let that happen, and do nothing, just give in.
I am so grateful for that 'seeing-experience'. It helps me to stay on track and believe in TMS.
Pfffff, I am so tired afterwards. There is the big relief that I can experience in my body (with rage less pain in my arms, and with grief more space on the chest, easier breathing) and there is also the exhaustion. I allow myself to take a small nap, and then celebrate the rest of the day the letting go of old shit, and taking care of my body and soul (-:
Have a nice day you all, and I am really curious about your experiences with emotions (-:
