Diana-M
Beloved Grand Eagle
Wow it’s hard to believe one year ago was the first time I posted on this forum. Of course, I had lurked for a few months, like most people. I remember this day a year ago, I was probably at the lowest of my low. I couldn’t walk without assistance, I was in pain everywhere, I was weak, but most of all the very worst of all — I was absolutely without hope. I felt completely trapped and stuck and even though I have had TMS on and off throughout my life many times, this time it was different. It was way too many symptoms and they were also strange. I was too terrified to do anything. It’s the absolute worst feeling there is. Dr. David Hanscom, who heals people of TMS, calls it The Abyss.
Since that day a year ago, I have been on this forum every day. It would be impossible to name all the things I’ve learned here. It’s been an absolute overhaul of my entire being. I’ve listened to suggestions and followed them; I’ve learned by the repetition of things that are key to healing; I’ve been inspired by those who have healed who have graciously shared their wisdom. But most of all —drop by drop, day by day —I began to lose my fear, and I started to get some hope.
So what is really different now physically? To be honest, not that much. But, I say this with a smile because I know that the physical is sometimes the last thing to change. I had a great big closet full of garbage to go through and it’s still a work in progress. Almost every way that I lived and looked at life was too stressful and had to be changed. I learned that anxiety has dogged me my entire life and how to soothe it. About a week ago, I actually felt anger for the first time in my body—in my life. I didn’t let it scare me. I just accepted it and felt it. I knew this was really important and a big victory for me.
Yesterday, I started an exercise program. I feel like I can do it and I feel like I want to do it. This is a really new feeling: I don’t want to be a victim anymore. Muscles can be built and I’m going to build them. Pain can be defied and I’m going to defy it.
Sending hugs and thanks to everyone here! You don’t know how much you mean to me!
Since that day a year ago, I have been on this forum every day. It would be impossible to name all the things I’ve learned here. It’s been an absolute overhaul of my entire being. I’ve listened to suggestions and followed them; I’ve learned by the repetition of things that are key to healing; I’ve been inspired by those who have healed who have graciously shared their wisdom. But most of all —drop by drop, day by day —I began to lose my fear, and I started to get some hope.
So what is really different now physically? To be honest, not that much. But, I say this with a smile because I know that the physical is sometimes the last thing to change. I had a great big closet full of garbage to go through and it’s still a work in progress. Almost every way that I lived and looked at life was too stressful and had to be changed. I learned that anxiety has dogged me my entire life and how to soothe it. About a week ago, I actually felt anger for the first time in my body—in my life. I didn’t let it scare me. I just accepted it and felt it. I knew this was really important and a big victory for me.
Yesterday, I started an exercise program. I feel like I can do it and I feel like I want to do it. This is a really new feeling: I don’t want to be a victim anymore. Muscles can be built and I’m going to build them. Pain can be defied and I’m going to defy it.
Sending hugs and thanks to everyone here! You don’t know how much you mean to me!
and that's a wink to you, Diana my friend - see if you can resist!). 
