1. Alan has completed the new Pain Recovery Program. To read or share it, use this updated link: https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/painrecovery/
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motherhood and tms

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by blake, Jul 13, 2014.

  1. blake

    blake Well known member

    I've been following the program and doing a lot of journal work lately. I've known about my childhood issues for many years, having done therapy in the past (my mom was mentally ill, my dad abusive). However, as I was tracing the history of my tms symptoms, I realized there was a strong correlation with my son. I developed migraines when he was just over 1, I started getting tension headaches when he started daycare and I went back to work and this turned into full-blown chronic neck pain when he started school.
    Because of my intense fear of abandonment, I have reacted very strongly to the separation with him (even though on the surface I am not a controlling or smothering type of mom). I'm always afraid that something bad will happen to him and that somehow it would be my fault. I'm also resentful (and this is the hard part to admit) about how small my life has gotten because of the way I am being a mom. I take meticulous care of my son in every way, especially emotionally. I think i feel resentful - not of him, the situation- because I did not get anything from my mom because of her disease.

    This insight about the correlation between my pain and my role as a mother is completely new to me. I'm finding it really painful. Has anyone else experienced tms in relation to their roles as parents. It's hard for me to even write these lines because it makes me feel like a very awful person.
  2. Ryan

    Ryan Well known member

    No need to be hard on yourself, everyone is human and makes mistakes in life. At least you are recognizing this but don't be so hard on yourself. You are doing the best you can which is great. We often don't give ourselves enough credit for what we do, we always think we should do this or that should be better. This inner critic part of your mind was very bad for me as well. Having a family can be tough and very enraging at times even though some of us refuse to address this and we repress. I know the feeling I have 2 kids one which is 3 and one which is 2 months, its tough, but also is a great thing and I love them both.

    Life is not easy and can be very tough but in the end everything will work out and you will be ok. It seems to me you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself to protect your child. Just trust in yourself and let go of the doubt and fear you are having. This will take some time but it can be done. Live in the moment each day, fear often comes when we worry about the future or live in the past. Take a look at the threads under ask a tms therapists, they have some good ones about fear and worry. Fear for me fueled my tms and I didn't even realize how much I was in fear

    It began to keep me in a constant tension state. I was doing this unconsciously all the time. Try some meditation daily and with time you begin to calm your mind down. Don't know if your spiritual but casting your worries and fears to god. He is there to help you and also ask him for acceptance of where you are.

    I highly recomend you read "Hope and help for your Nerves". Another book that I am currently reading is "The Meaning of Truth" by Nicole Sachs. She is a mother of five who struggled too at being a mother. Her book is very raw and straight forward which I respect her for. Hope this helps you, hang in there you will get better and you are a great mother.

  3. blake

    blake Well known member

    Your advice is very soothing. Thank you, Ryan, for your kind words, reading suggestions and for reminding that this is a process, not a one-time ah-ha thing.
    Very reassuring to know that others are struggling with these issues too.
  4. Ryan

    Ryan Well known member

  5. Ellen

    Ellen Beloved Grand Eagle

  6. blake

    blake Well known member

    Thanks! I'm laughing now, because looks like this issue is a thing for so many people; there's a whole section on this website! guess I'm really not the only one. I'll get reading on this tomorrow!
    Thank you
  7. Ellen

    Ellen Beloved Grand Eagle

    Yes, blake, parenting has triggered a lot of TMS :)
  8. Nicole J. Sachs LCSW

    Nicole J. Sachs LCSW Therapist and TMS Author

    Thank you, Ryan, for spreading information about my work, and the healing that so often accompanies our brave truth-telling (if only to ourselves!)

    I'm really looking forward to joining the book group discussion, as The Meaning of Truth is slated to be the next book featured (start date - July 29th.) Cant wait to meet you all!

    Forest likes this.
  9. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, Nicole. It's great to know your book will be the subject of the next call-ins.
    Eric and I just completed ten weeks discussing our TMS book,
    God Does Not Want You to Be in Pain.

    We are all eager to hear about your book.

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