Morning / Bed Pain

Yesterday I did loads of TMS work. I meditated twice. Had an afternoon nap. Stayed present. Had a bath. Read a few pages of Mind Body Prescription. Tried to stay relaxed and not overthink. Read a few success stories which give a bit of hope.

Thought I might have had a bit of a breakthrough.

But I wake up and I feel like I’ve been hit by a double decker bus.

My neck is so sore. My head feels like it’s being squeezed in a vice. My sides are killing as usual. My hip/glute hurts. And I’m absolutely exhausted.

I used to try strictly sleeping on my back to not aggravate my sides but then I realised I’m feeding the fear. So now I just live with the constant pain in my sides.

FYI I had another back MRI scan 3 weeks ago and the results were 100% clear and normal and good. Which I knew it would be because the pain is all muscular.

This neck pain causes squeezing headaches from the moment I wake up.

I bought a fancy new Tempur mattress which is very comfortable. I’m sure it’s not the mattress because once in a blue moon I wake up without pain.

Why are my symptoms so much worse in the morning?

I’ve got to a point now where I’m absolutely clueless about how to treat myself.

I’ve a couple of sessions with Rose Hoey and Dr Tovah Goldfein of the TMS round table next week. I know they’re going to try and get me to “feel my feelings”

I’d give anything to wake up pain free.

Thanks

 

Okay, Patrick, this is good! This is absolutely classic TMS, when your brain is still fighting against you every step of the way, because it is desperate to get you to give up in frustration and remain stuck in fear.

Don't give in! I can't tell you how important that is. Just step back, breathe, and talk to your brain a bit, thank it for trying to keep you safe, but tell it, literally, that it's not necessary! This is my favorite self-talk phrase, which I still use more than any other.

Then revisit your breakthrough from yesterday, while also adding regular reminders that it's okay to do so, that you're physically safe, that there are no wolves waiting to grab you if you focus on your emotions for a while. In your case, the wolves are also

your mentally ill and abusive mother. Your fearful abused brain does not rationally understand that she is no longer able to punish and abuse you if you experience your true emotions for once. Keep that in the front of your rational mind and go for it.

And, of course, let go of expectations and preconceived notions. Obsessing about waking up pain free just gives your TMS brain exactly what it needs to easily and consistently defy that expectation. OCD makes it very challenging to give up obsessive behavior. Being mindful may help.

 

Just keep reminding your brain that this is good, it's totally safe, and that you will not die if you allow your true emotions to be uncovered and felt.

Remember, no preconceived notions, and no expectations other than a determination to have an open mind and to be fearless about whatever is offered. Choose to not be a victim.

 

100% normal to have a rough morning after a break through!! You are on your way.

I think mornings are the worst because your brain has all that unconscious time to be processing, processing, processing.

Keep going and trust in the process. I nearly stopped on Day 1 when my body freaked out after the start of a revelation. Not even a revelation just the start of asking myself the questions that might lead to a revelation. Thank goodness I kept going because when I got started again everything just floated away. The pain in my throat, the laryngitis that I couldn't get rid of for weeks and weeks on end, the dryness. I was sure I had something physically bad/dangerous happening in that area and then POOF it all went away.

You are on the right track. Try not to check yourself and measure your symptoms each morning, instead whenever you start to think about your pain or other symptoms, immediately switch your thinking to thinking about your revelations.

Keep going. You've got this!

 

Hi. Thanks for the encouragement.

I may have given the wrong end of the stick with the “breakthrough” part. The TMS work I did that day didn’t have a noticeable effect, I just felt that actually doing that work and then beginning to understand how frantic I am internally may have been a breakthrough.

I completely agree with you regarding the subconscious during sleep. I’ve said this before. It’s as if my subconscious takes over while I’m asleep and throws all the pain at me. Because I have some pretty wild dreams. Coincidentally I woke up in a bit less pain today, better than yesterday anyway. Then we went out which involved over an hour sat in the car so my back got gradually worse through the day. Then we went to the shops and I was very sore. Then I got home and it had calmed down. It feels almost impossible to disassociate back / side pain with sitting when it always brings pain [insert the bit about brain conditioning]

Glad to hear your pain went away. I’ll cling on to a thread of hope that it might for me one day.

Thanks

 

Beginning to understand how frantic you are internally IS a breakthrough. Keep going with it and forget about whether or not you are in pain or not. Focus all your attention and energy on exploring the emotions inside. Forget about tracking whether or not it reduces your pain.
The pain won't stop if you are checking on it like that. You have to set it aside. It will stop once you least expect where someday you will say, "Oh, hey, now that I think about it, I wasn't in pain the last 3 days, hunh?!"
But if you keep checking on it each day, it will know that it has you captured. Check on your emotions not your symptoms.