More symptoms. Symptom Imperative? I need help.

I thought I had a breakthrough in my supposed TMS symptoms last summer. I was remaining optimistic. And while some of my symptoms have eased considerably, Others have popped up. I'm hoping that someone with similar issues might chime in and ease my anxiety. It seems one day I'll get this spark of inspiration. And it'll last for a few days, until a symptom pops up. Then all bets are off, and I spiral downward into worry and despair. Thinking there's no way out of this nonsense. I truly wish there were a TMS doctor near me. Or that I had the means to visit one in another state. But neither are the case.

My symptoms began with the feeling of ice cold feet, and a tingling, burning sensation that would take up the entire day. Once I slept, everything was normal again. Once I was up and around for about twenty minutes, I could feel the sensation creeping in again. This seemed to have appeared after a weird bout of discomfort one day at work. I was working, and suddenly an ice cold feeling came over my entire perineum, and rectal area. It subsided within a few minutes. And returned only once, about an hour later. The second episode was less intense than the first. The cold feet thing happened maybe a month later. I chalked up the initial cold feeling as an anomaly. And honestly forgot about it, once the cold feet thing started occupying every day of my life.

Throughout the past year and some months, the cold and tingling feet sensation has been ever present. It was also accompanied by a sensation of walking on sand or gravel when I would first step out of bed. Oddly, these sensations have subsided considerably in the past few weeks. But I still worry about them constantly. I would notice that when dealing with another illness, a stomach bug, or a respiratory ailment, that these symptoms would subside, and often would vanish, as if a switch had been flipped. Could this be the symptom imperative at work?

Another symptom that has accompanied all of this to varying degrees, is the inability to ejaculate, as if the muscles that control that mechanism aren't fully engaging. This is what has me most concerned as of late. I have also encountered what I would call bladder leakage after using the bathroom. As if I wasn't able able to fully evacuate the last little bit of urine, and then it would squirt out upon changing position, sitting down, etc.

I did visit a doctor after getting the cold feet symptoms. He said that my nerves and circulation seemed fine, after a manual examination. He said that if my symptoms persisted for more than a few months, to come back and see him. I haven't returned. I bought a glucose meter to see if my blood sugar was out of whack. But it wasn't. The only common thread to all of this seems to be a back pain that came on a few years ago. I went to bed one night, and woke up with back pain the following morning. I don't know if it is all related. But I can't rule it out either.

Over the past three years, I've had a lot going on. My best friend died unexpectedly. I came down with singles the day after his funeral. A year later, my father passed away unexpectedly. At the time, I was living with him to help him with household duties, as he was a paraplegic. So after he died, I had to deal with the stress of finding and buying a house, and watching my childhood home go by the wayside. I know it affected me deeply. But I wonder if I may have residual grief from these events, or others in the recent past.

All I seem to do anymore is monitor my symptoms. And unfortunately I can't seem to stay away from googling symptoms, even though I know it's not a good idea. I have my ex's son to look after, as well as my cat. Both of whom I love and worry about very much. I know I'm not enjoying life, at present. But it's almost as if I've forgotten how. Years ago, I stopped getting any enjoyment from listening to music. I also found that I was unable to read books, as my mind would wander incessantly, and I could no longer retain any of what I'd read. I wonder if something from years past built up to all this. And if the death of my friend and my dad were the events that finally brought things to a head.

As with many of you, I just want to learn how to enjoy life again. And as with many of you, I seemingly need to be free of discomfort in order to do that. None of us want there to be anything seriously wrong with us. But sometimes it's just so hard to ignore the feelings we have. I've read three of Sarno's books. I've also read a great book called Teach Us to Sit Still by Tim Parks. All of these books were inspirational and gave me a lot of hope. But I didn't experience the miraculous cure by reading them, as others have. I'm hoping that I can eventually find a way out of the madness. And a formula that works for me. I wish you all the best, as well. But damn if it hasn't been one hell of a roller coaster so far.

 

Hey man,

indeed you went through a lot of massively stressful events. On the Holmes and Rahe scale, it rates quite high : https://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/The_Holmes_and_Rahe_Social_Readjustment_Rating_Scale_(SRRS)#Adults (The Holmes and Rahe Social Readjustment Rating Scale (SRRS))


Have you tried the Structured Educational Program on this website?
I'm going through it, it helped me along with reading Dr Sarno's books. I see you read 3 of them already. I wasn't magically cured after reading 'Healing Back Pain', but combined with the SEP it's been doing me good I think.

 

As someone who has made a strong recovery, I would encourage you to give as little attention to the symptoms as possible - and that includes writing about them!

I second mister_burger on checking out the SEP. It helped me a good deal, along with all the success stories on this wiki.