Lydia
Peer Supporter
Slowly I unravel what happens in my unconscious mind, and it is flabbergasting what I see! So much is going on, related to stress and TMS. Thinking psychologically has been a important key until now. That helps to stay focussed and get things more clear.
The first couple of days I couldn't write because of the pain in my right arm. The mind was quite worried about that, and tried to held me away from doing this program. Fortunately there was a very strong wish to go on because of the pain, so I decided to speak to a memo recorder. This was very helpful!
I was astonished about how much emotions wanted to come out, while talking. My stomach hurted so much several times, although I thought the problem was in my arm and shoulder. But the strong movements, spasms and sounds just bubbled up from the stomach, as soon as I touched some rage inside of me. I let the screaming out. Fortunately the familily wasn't at home. I see how much I needed some stillness and safety around me.
These processes were pretty intense and I needed a lot of trust and courage, to just let it happen and not repress it again. The desire to know myself better and work from a different perspective with the pain in my body, helped me a lot. Fortunately these stomach-processes caused tremendous relief. As if the pain melted away instantly. Like a miracle. I guess that 90% of the pain already was gone during those first couple of excercises related to my TMS-list.
The I took a couple of days off, and started doing nice things again. Walking outside, playing a bit on the piano, and with my child. Not so much focussing on the pain was like a miracle too. I could experience how the process went on, how relaxation slowly came in. How the arm and shoulder were kind of normal again. I slept much better, stopped completely with pain-medication and the need for meditating during sleepless hours in the night also disappeared. Back to kind of normal life again. Very grateful for that, after 4 months trouble.
What happens now, is that there is some doubt growing, about how to go on. Something has changed inside of me. I guess it is about fear. That I will not succeed to the 100%. I have read some of the articles and post of other people about this issue, and noticed pain was immediately knocking on my door. Bit frightening. I now see how strongly I react to text, video's, other people's stories, and that there is so much going on inside me, what still needs to be cleared up.
I have decided to go slower and re-read soms stuff, to see what suggestions might support me to deal with the 'new' pains. They are not so overwhelming, but still they talk to me very clearly. I only need some more skills to decode what they try to tell me, I guess.
So, what I did this morning when my former physiotherapist was calling me, to ask how I am doing, was immediately taking a pause after the call. I had noticed some pain in my arms during talking, and tension in my throat, and now I took some time to look for an emotional cause. I saw some fear for not being taken seriously, and my mind was telling me that I shouldn't be open so much about what processes I go through. It was a very helpful process to pay attention to the emotions. The pain changed immediately and now, writing about it, I see it has completely gone!
Anybody relating to these insecurities about how to go on, and playing with new kind of pains?!
Thanks for reading my long story. I need some more words, as English is not my native language and I've decided to just write spontaneously, and not being so perfectionistic and reread it all. So I now hit the 'create thread' button and see what will happen!
The first couple of days I couldn't write because of the pain in my right arm. The mind was quite worried about that, and tried to held me away from doing this program. Fortunately there was a very strong wish to go on because of the pain, so I decided to speak to a memo recorder. This was very helpful!
I was astonished about how much emotions wanted to come out, while talking. My stomach hurted so much several times, although I thought the problem was in my arm and shoulder. But the strong movements, spasms and sounds just bubbled up from the stomach, as soon as I touched some rage inside of me. I let the screaming out. Fortunately the familily wasn't at home. I see how much I needed some stillness and safety around me.
These processes were pretty intense and I needed a lot of trust and courage, to just let it happen and not repress it again. The desire to know myself better and work from a different perspective with the pain in my body, helped me a lot. Fortunately these stomach-processes caused tremendous relief. As if the pain melted away instantly. Like a miracle. I guess that 90% of the pain already was gone during those first couple of excercises related to my TMS-list.
The I took a couple of days off, and started doing nice things again. Walking outside, playing a bit on the piano, and with my child. Not so much focussing on the pain was like a miracle too. I could experience how the process went on, how relaxation slowly came in. How the arm and shoulder were kind of normal again. I slept much better, stopped completely with pain-medication and the need for meditating during sleepless hours in the night also disappeared. Back to kind of normal life again. Very grateful for that, after 4 months trouble.
What happens now, is that there is some doubt growing, about how to go on. Something has changed inside of me. I guess it is about fear. That I will not succeed to the 100%. I have read some of the articles and post of other people about this issue, and noticed pain was immediately knocking on my door. Bit frightening. I now see how strongly I react to text, video's, other people's stories, and that there is so much going on inside me, what still needs to be cleared up.
I have decided to go slower and re-read soms stuff, to see what suggestions might support me to deal with the 'new' pains. They are not so overwhelming, but still they talk to me very clearly. I only need some more skills to decode what they try to tell me, I guess.
So, what I did this morning when my former physiotherapist was calling me, to ask how I am doing, was immediately taking a pause after the call. I had noticed some pain in my arms during talking, and tension in my throat, and now I took some time to look for an emotional cause. I saw some fear for not being taken seriously, and my mind was telling me that I shouldn't be open so much about what processes I go through. It was a very helpful process to pay attention to the emotions. The pain changed immediately and now, writing about it, I see it has completely gone!
Anybody relating to these insecurities about how to go on, and playing with new kind of pains?!
Thanks for reading my long story. I need some more words, as English is not my native language and I've decided to just write spontaneously, and not being so perfectionistic and reread it all. So I now hit the 'create thread' button and see what will happen!
