Massive setback after physio visit - in need of reassurance

Hi there,

I've been in the background of tms wiki for a while now after discovering the concept of tms around 5 months ago after a very difficult year, dealing with a myriad of symptoms. The initial symptom was tinnitus and is the one i wish i could rid myself of the most but around the same time, i started to experience trapezius and neck pain on the same side as the tinnitus. I also had a terrible cold at the time this started and the doctor confirmed i had fluid behind my eardrum which cleared up after a week. 4 weeks prior to all of this, i had given birth to my 3rd baby and this was preceeded by a very busy, exciting, yet very stressful 5 years by way of graduating as a midwife, meeting my husband, getting engaged, a pandemic, finally getting married, and moving 400 miles away from all my family and friends due to my husband's job in the military. Basically, i didn't think i was stressed, but i have since realised I have ALWAYS been stressed my whole life. I have a classic TMS type personality and grew up in a very volatile environment involving domestic abuse and never felt safe.

I'm not going to go into massive detail because we would be here all day, but i have been delving into the world of tms to help heal from the above symptoms. I initially was convinced that the tinnitus was caused by tight muscles in my neck and traps due to breastfeeding and had what i believe to be many conditioned responses in terms of this thought. I would go the physio/chiro/accupunturist and be scared that it would make the tinnitus worse and it did, my husband would give me a massage and the tinnitus would be through the roof, i'd press what i thought were trigger points and the tinnitus would increase, loud noise worsened it, running worsened it blah blah blah, you get it! Both the neck pain and the tinnitus continued to worsen until recently when i decided that i 100% had tms. I read Dr Sarno's The Mind Body Prescription, read a lot about Nicole Sachs and listened to her podcast and I've recently read Alan Gordon's the way out. I was 100% on board and was beginning to see improvements over the last month. My tinnitus is constant and changes noises all the time, hour on hour and is now in both ears to varying degrees, but it rarely bothered me anymore. Another massive hint was that over the last few months, it was never there if i woke in the middle of the night and upon first wakening in the morning!!!

That was until i went to see a physiotherapist regarding sacroiliac pain that keeps flaring up over the last 6 months. I've not been overly convinced about this symptom being tms and was really struggling with shooting, listening bolt episodes after a long drive back home to Scotland. The physio, who helped me with the same issue after the birth of my second child, stated that my pelvis was off on the left (another physio had also confirmed this previously) and did some manipulation and gave me a stretch to continue to do at home.

For some really DUMB reason, i asked if there could be a correlation between the shoulder/neck pain and my pelvic pain and straight away he said "absolutely" and asked me for more detail. I told him the ins and outs of it and that i'd had tinnitus ever since. He smiled and said that it 100% was related and pointed out the location of the auditory nerve and told me my pec minor was tight and i should do this one stretch to release it and everything would be amazing again.

Now, i havent already mentioned that my shoulder/neck pain had reduced by around 80% since learning about tms and was no longer a major issue but i jumped on this guy's diagnosis straight away and literally went from believing absolutely that this tinnitus etc was tms to totally believing it was due to my neck and traps again. I went home and started doing the one stretch to release my pec minor muscle and 3 days later i feel like i'm back to square one. My neck and shoulders/traps are sore again, my tinnitus is much louder and bothering me again and i have all the old fear thoughts back again "what if it gets worse, I've done something with the stretch to flare the tinnitus up again".

Logically I know what happened, my brain has jumped on this guys words and convinced me again that there is a structural issue in my neck and traps which is causing the tinnitus.

PLEASE CAN SOMEONE CONFIRM THAT THIS IS LIKELY TMS. I just need some reassurance because the doubts are slowly creeping back in

For context, my other symptoms have been:
muscle twitches
flickering in my ear
palpitations
anxiety
nerve pain in my foot
stiffness in my knees
internal vibrations
itching and hive on my face

It might also be worth mentioning that noises have always bothered me, such as ticking clocks, creaking floorboards, chewing etc.

Thank you

 

Any symptom. ANY symptom can be tms.
I think the kicker is that you totally acknowledge anxiety. From my own experience, it takes incredible amounts of anxiety for me to even recognize it’s there because my general operating system has always been anxious. In your post you seem to answer so many of your own doubts. Why not listen to yourself? You are the qualified expert of you - you amazing human being conquered this before!
I look at what you wrote and see so many “small” ( read: unrecognized) stressors simply piled up again. Often described as the bucket theory: all the small stuff fills your bucket to overflowing. Finding a way to let some of it slowly trickle out in a little constant stream keeps us from overflowing.
Awareness of your stressors and allowing yourself to feel all the emotions surrounding them. Pausing, letting them fill you and then ebb away. Recognizing they are all ok even though something in your makeup has always told you they are not. Also being aware that there is probably more under those emotions: beliefs that are limiting you in some way. What is making you feel unsafe?
Taking time to de-stress and do things for YOU. Symptoms are that white flag signaling there is something inside that needs attention, calming, safety. Three kids and a spouse is usually a significant reason to need self time. Can you work out a way to get time to work in tms and have your own “me” time?
Consider your options: you are carving out time for pt you feel isn’t working. Can you try using that time to journal instead of pt for awhile, or engage a tms coach instead of a pt (some are both which could help). Experiment, be gentle to yourself, take time to figure out what you need?

 

Oh wow, I so get where you are at. You answer so many of your own questions. Can I suggest you have so much going on, try, if at all possible, to just stop for a few minutes and ask yourself what a bit of compassion and love of yourself might look like. I learnt this from Alan G podcast and it’s really stopped me in my tracks. I talk to my pain now, especially when I wake and it returns, I say hi, I make sure I’m not angry but just recognising it’s presence and it can’t seem to stay as I don’t fear it, I don’t fight it, so it seems to loose it’s power over me. I hope this helps you a little, but remember you have such value, you don’t have to solve everyone’s problems! Take care, from a relative newbie!