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Making tremendous strides but still scared...

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Steve J., May 4, 2015.

  1. Steve J.

    Steve J. Well known member


    I feel like the past couple of weeks have been monumental. I'm golfing again, riding my bike more often, among other things that I was either too scared to do but did them anyway, or avoided them altogether. I still get some increased arm pain after golfing (though really quite a negligible amount, and I've gone three times, each time the pain afterwards is less and less). I rarely experience any lower back pain anymore, and when I do, it's extremely brief. The pain in my ankles is gone. However, I still experience some knee discomfort and forearm/hand pain, but overall my symptoms are greatly improving/diminishing! I even woke up the other day and I swear I felt zero pain for about one minute before I started thinking about it again. I should be celebrating!

    But I still have a nagging fear in the pit of my stomach. I had an ambiguous test result come back a couple of months ago, a 1:40 ANA titer, which the NP said is nothing to worry about right now, and doesn't want to see me until September. She stressed "leaving the worry" up to her, and to golf and write and draw, in essence to continue my life. I don't even have 95% of lupus symptoms, but the fear still lingers, and the only thing that continues to make sense is TMS.

    I've written about fear before. It seems to be the crux of mindbody afflictions. Once that can be uprooted, or at the very least mastered, then the physical symptoms of TMS will eventually fade away. I get that...but still working on...GETTING it. Like really allowing courage to be my guide instead of the scared little dude that seems to still be starved for attention and care.

    I feel like I'm not doing nearly enough to congratulate myself/treat myself for all the good work I've done. It's just my nature. What do you do to celebrate victories while on this journey? I've been having entire days that have been fantastic, and I just want to give myself some credit. This conditioned fear response, perfectionism, and low self-esteem seem to be the real scoundrels in all this hubbub.

    I freaking love all of you, by the way. Seriously. What an incredible place. It's an abomination that this paradigm is not more known, and that it's so easily dismissed by most of the medical community.

    IrishSceptic likes this.
  2. IrishSceptic

    IrishSceptic Podcast Visionary

    the medical profession is notoriously stubborn and for good reason. whilst its frustrating for TMSers knowing that much of this stuff is generated by the brain there are hordes of quacks, alternative medicine folks out there willing to proclaim they have the answer to what ails us. They can't chop and change willy nilly and this will be a monumental effort to try and convince people of the TMS diagnosis. My prediction is gloomier than most, it may take 30-50 years or so for it to become accepted practice.
    The big hope is after All the Rage is released then many more celebrities(Morgan Freeman for one) will get better and that could generate publicity.
    it needs some philanthropic backing in order for research because it so ''out there''.

    The evidence is there but because the mind is ignored the importance of it is misunderstood or not recognised for its significance.

    good luck with continued progress, I am somewhat lapsing but some relatives are heading on holiday soon. Typically I experience relief when I am not around my father.
    Steve J. likes this.
  3. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Steve,
    Congratulations on so much progress! One way to celebrate is to simply thank your mind-body verbally when it responds in the way you want: no pain doing things that used to cause you pain. Taking this further you might write your mind-body a letter expressing your gratitude. This would be a way to celebrate, and share with yourself your appreciation and progress.

    Writing here about this is also an expression of this gratitude and acknowledgement of your work and progress. We are reading it and thinking about it. Your progress is being seen.

    You have awareness of these painful dynamics Steve. To me that is huge. You are seeing the causes of symptoms. That was enough according to Dr. Sarno. It seems that our minds, and Superegos in particular, in our fear, resist this truth from Dr. Sarno. That nothing needs to be done.

    Beyond this with TMS, in my experience is working with the Superego to disengage from it relentless self-attacks, and developing self-compassion to hold you in your suffering. Where is the self-compassion in this statement?: Like really allowing courage to be my guide instead of the scared little dude that seems to still be starved for attention and care. I hear a recognition that there is this little scared dude. There I hear compassion. I also think I hear that he's being rejected for causing problems. I may be wrong.

    The courage can come without rejection. This is self-compassion. But the way we instinctively respond to parts of ourselves is to reject. For the most part self-compassion is not something that we already know how to do. We can't activate it by coercing ourselves to feel more of it. It is learned from a teacher/coach/therapist over time. Or life itself, over time.

    Finally I want to say that reading your post I feel so happy for you!! Just giving yourself more time to let the continuing education (even through experience, and casual reflection on it) may be all that is needed. Good luck in the process.

    Andy B.
    IrishSceptic and Steve J. like this.
  4. Steve J.

    Steve J. Well known member

    Thank you, Andy. A lot of my pain comes not necessarily from causing problems directly, but perhaps moreso in an indirect fashion, and the feeling that I couldn't ameliorate or mitigate the problems the way I wanted to. Even as a young person (the youngest of three boys), I put an undue amount of pressure on myself to be the glue of the family. My parents often had a strained relationship. I remember a time when they didn't speak to one another for six months. That certainly impacted my attitude toward and opinion of my father. Anyway, there are more examples, but those are for another time perhaps.

    I recognize the pressure I've always put on myself. I also recognize my tendency to over-complicate the simple things in life, and for that complication to spoil whatever innate beauty is present. I'm learning that this is the exact tendency I'm exhibiting within my TMS healing -- it is ultimately a rather simple process, and if embraced fully, most certainly a beautiful one. The beauty, as they say, is in its simplicity. Steve O. often says when we stop trying to heal then the healing will come. How true this is. When I'm not obsessing, when I'm enjoying the simple, beautiful things in life, is when I improve, that's when I heal. It's a profound journey that I'm so grateful to have come across at such a relatively young age (I'm 25).

    Thanks again for both your responses.

  5. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Steve, add my congratulations to the others. Your progress is terrific.
    I'm 84 and TMS cured me of severe back pain two years ago.
    Dr. Sarno, TMS knowlege, and TMSWiki.org are life-savers.

    I believe as Steve Ozanich does, that healing can come when we don't stress about healing.
    I'm a writer, working on a new novel, and having a ball. I sometimes think I have spring allergies,
    but when I'm writing, I don't feel them. I think distractions that we enjoy, like exercise, hobbies are
    great for helping us live in the moment and enjoy each moment.
  6. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Steve,
    This is such a brilliant awareness. We can't help but bring our "tendencies" to anything we do. About the best we can do is see it, and not beat ourselves up about it. It will relax with the brilliant awareness that you have. You begin to see the suffering caused by the "tendencies," and also gain more compassion for the deep needs that drive the compulsive behavior. So this brings compassion, and relaxation. You are on your way!
    Andy B.
    Steve J. likes this.
  7. Steve J.

    Steve J. Well known member

    Thank you for your kind words and encouragement, Andy. I really like what you say here: "...and also gain more compassion for the deep needs that drive the compulsive behavior." I think that sums up the entire process perfectly.


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