Dee
New Member
Hello: I'm new to posting on the forum, but have been reading it for a few weeks now. I have found it incredibly helpful, so thank you to everyone who contributes. I wanted to write because I read Sarno's books back in February. I am 36 years old and have suffered from chronic back pain, shoulder pain and knee pain for about 10 years now, after leading a very active lifestyle. I have had every diagnosis in the book, but they've never found anything on an MRI, etc. I had knee surgery almost two years ago and am now convinced that it was a total waste of time and money. After reading Sarno's books, my back pain has virtually disappeared, and I have become much more active. I have been jogging for the first time in 8 years. I have been doing yoga for the first time in three years. I have been riding my bike pain free. But my shoulder pain has really amped up (original diagnosis 10 years ago was an inflamed bursa), and I've had a hard time fighting it - and I think I've had a hard time convincing myself that it's emotional and not physical for some reason. In the past few weeks, I have vowed to really work on it and get past the conditioning and programming that is causing me pain while I sit at my desk all day at work. This was a big week for me. I rejoined the gym after I dropped my membership nearly a year ago. I had gone to Spin class at this time last year and I left that class in extreme pain. My doctor at the time told me that I have too small of a frame to ride Spin bikes (I'm 5'3 and petite, but I don't consider myself to be that much out of the ordinary in terms of size). She said they weren't built for people my size and that I was in pain because everything was out of alignment, etc. I was crushed. Over the past 10 years, I've been gradually cut off of physical activities for various reasons fed to me by doctors and PTs: I'm too small; my pelvis is out of alignment; I'm not built for running; I have hypermobility syndrome, so I can't control my body in space; I can't do yoga or pilates because I'm misaligned and I'll use the wrong muscles and my core is weak; I can't play softball because of the inflamed bursa in my shoulder that was diagnosed 10 years ago; etc. etc. etc. This week, I decided I'm officially done with this. I rejoined the gym and I went to Spin class - TWICE!! My back did not hurt at all during the classes. I actually found myself in tears while I was on the bike out of a combination of fear and feeling liberated because I was on the bike again despite what that doctor told me. The fear stems from all of those things the doctors have told me and the fear that the pain would come back as a result. But I vowed to keep pushing through and not let the pain intimidate me and I went back for a second class last night. I also took Zumba class this week. I absolutely love dance classes, but was told at one point that I should not be doing them because of the way I'm built. My knee also feels fine despite these difficult workouts. Today, my shoulder is bothering me again, despite the fact that it's been much quieter in recent weeks since I started reading the forums and really focusing on journaling when the pain acts up and telling myself that it's all programmed. I know that I am repressing a lot of emotions. I fit Sarno's TMS personality description perfectly. I'm a perfectionist who doesn't like to cry, etc. I worry all the time, etc. I have a long way to go in terms of dealing with my repressed emotions and I am working very hard on this. Thanks to this forum, I bought Dr. Schubiner's book and about 6 chapters in. I have been putting the puzzle pieces together for the past few months on my own. His workbook is helping me see it all on paper. I guess I'm writing on this forum to just say thanks. And I want others who have had similar issues to know that they're not alone. I have made a lot of progress and I have learned an incredible amount about myself and all of the factors that have contributed to my pain over the years - and now - that I was completely oblivious to. I feel like this is changing me as a person for the better, but I still have a long way to go and this will be a constant challenge for me. The fact that I am sitting in my chair at work typing this with no back pain is almost mind boggling. I've suffered every day for so long. The final hurdle is to cut off the programming related to my shoulder pain. It's extremely frustrating. I feel like joining the gym again and taking these classes that really challenge my body will help hammer home the message to my brain that I'm not going to take this any more and I'm not going to be fearful any more. Would be interested to hear similar stories. Thanks again for listening!
