Holy hell. It started off a couple of months ago with insomnia and depression, then a spike in symptoms and now I’m off to the races. I got prescriptions. I did PT. They’re giving me an MRI on Wednesday. If you ever doubted TMS’ ability to distract you, let me tell you it’s doing a bang-up job. I can’t feel a damn emotion at all right now between the pills, the exhaustion, and the obsession. And the emotions I should be feeling are SAD. Also, for fun, my body in response has become increasingly sensitized. Like lighter touch is causing more pain in more areas (the worst areas). I feel like I’m losing this damn battle. I mean, seriously. I had sitting pain, lying down, walking pain in my butt and now my damn d— is sensitive to rubbing against my clothing. It makes no anatomical sense. And yet my amygdala is looking for trouble anywhere below the belt. Shit. It’s so nervy, you guys. That’s the scary part. I always think of TMS as muscle stuff but this shit is nervy as hell. Down established nerve pathways. Bilaterally mind you, but real nerves turning on. Anyone deal with that before? It’s very convincing even though it makes no sense. Obviously my CNS is going a mile a minute. And I’ve been moving in the wrong direction. I guess you’re never too far gone but right now I feel like I am. Also I’m on like 4 different meds, so I feel even more insane. I guess the advice I’d give myself is allow, self compassion, wean off or down on the pills, emotional work, find some joy. I really gotta turn this shit around.