Due to being bed ridden for the last three weeks and few days, I've constantly been pondering why I may have so much repressed emotions. Finally today, seeing my mother today gave me some insight as to why I cannot release my emotions. I've always been protective of my mother. Even when I was young I always saw her as someone not at strong as I was and in need of help. This is probably due to her struggles with depression throughout my adolescent years. My sister and I knew that she could not be bothered with other problems but her own. There had been times when I was scared to death that she may not be home when we returned back from school. Over the years, The Lord blessed her and she's doing much better. She just came by to bring jars and jars of food to last me through the week so that my husband won't need to do any cooking. Of course, my sister was the chauffeur to my house. I love my mom dearly. She has so much love for both my sister and me. However, I'm angered by the fact that I cannot let my self be of anyone's concern or worry. I feel bad but I think growing up in my mother's house has something to do with it. Growing up, I had to be extra cautious, be extremely well behaved, never get in trouble to be unnoticed and unseen. Even when I had an acute pancreatitis and was hospitalized for six days and had to have my gallbladder removed, I didn't want my mother knowing until the day I was scheduled for the surgery. I knew she'd be upset if I didn't tell her but at the same time, I didn't want her agonizing over a week over my condition. Her agony will further put me in distress. My husband has been very instrumental in helping me understand that families and loved ones are there to worry, love, and share the burden of hardship with you. He's been trying to tell me that loved ones can and will happily share the burden of hardship. Of course I didn't tell my mom that she unknowingly encouraged my repressed emotions but rather I repeatedly told her that I love her and will heal soon. I don't need to tell her anything more than that. I just need to acknowledge these things to myself. Hopefully this will take me one step closer to healing.