Looking for support - continued back pain

Hi everyone,

I fell off a ladder on January 2 of this year and fractured my acetabulum (hipbone socket) and had compression fractures in T11 and T12. I had surgery on my hip and had to use a walker for about two months. I had to wear a back brace while my back healed also about two months. I have been on disability which ends on 12/31.

I stumbled upon Dr. Sarno's "The Mindbody Prescription" and it made so much sense. On November 1 I got to the "how-to" part of the book and in less than two weeks I was able to get off the oxycodone I still relied on 3-4 times per day. I have since read "Healing Back Pain", "The Divided Mind" and am now reading "Mind Over Back Pain".

I am 100% convinced of the TMS diagnosis. My doctors aren't even saying there is anything wrong with me. Months ago my doctor told me my spine had healed. However, I am still having back pain that usually has me grabbing an ibuprofen at least once per day. I am also starting to try CBD oil to see if that can help manage my pain. Prior to the accident I did not have chronic pain.

I am doing all of the recommended things such as journaling, allowing myself to feel whatever emotions come up. I am exercising, doing yoga, meditation. I have gone through Alan's program on this site as well as started the structured program.

But, while I am better I feel like I am not getting all the way better and it's getting me down.

I have a new job starting next month and I will have new insurance effective Feb 1. I have made an appointment with a doctor familiar with TMS to see if he has any additional help. I have had one session with a therapist which was helpful. I know I may have some stress about a new job but I am acknowledging and journaling and talking about it.

Any other recommendations? After a year of being in pain I am ready to be free of it and get back to a full life.

Thank you for your support.

Connie

 

Hi Connie,

First, congratulate yourself for a job well done so far, right? From 3 to 4 opioids to one ibu is awesome progress in a short period of time!

Don't let your negative brain short-change your success. Because that's what you're fighting now: the fact that our brains have a goal of keeping us thinking negatively, worrying about the dangers lurking in the shadows and threatening our survival! This is a primitive survival technique which generally isn't necessary in today's safe world, but our brains don't know that.

Many of the techniques we talk about and learn about here are aimed at recognizing this inherent brain negativity and then countering it with positive and/or constructive messages.

My favorite self-talk messages are along the lines of "hey brain, this symptom isn't necessary, I'm safe, I'm healthy, and there's nothing wrong with me!"

Keep up the good work,

~Jan

 

Thanks for the reply, Jan. I have been talking to my brain saying that there is nothing wrong with my back. I'll keep on keeping on. I'm just envious of people who have speedier recoveries from TMS. I appreciate the response.

Connie

 

Most of us who are realistic about TMS accept and admit that it's not actually something that we recover from 100%, and that it really takes a lifelong commitment to thinking completely differently in order to achieve 90% much of the time. I frequently remind myself how bad things were in 2011 Before Sarno, when I was seriously in danger of becoming housebound. I seriously believe I would be closer to 100%, more of the time, if I was able to commit to a regular practice of yoga and meditation, and if I could be far more mindful more of the time. I guess I'm no longer desperate enough to make these changes, because they are not easy to maintain, and pretty soon I'm back to my old habits of mindlessly getting through the days, sigh.

Nonetheless, I'm so incredibly grateful for the success I've had, and for the knowledge and awareness that gave me my life back. And I continue to learn something new and be reminded about great stuff every day that I'm on our fabulous forum.

 

Connie,

As we become more intimate with our emotional selves, our TMS typically becomes more nuanced in its expression. Oftentimes it will hide in plain sight. I would suggest a mindful reflection on these feelings of envy and whether they are holding safe certain pressures.

I've had my worst TMS symptom for almost 2 decades (pre-Sarno) and only really started to recover a couple of years ago. I spent a good handful of years after initially learning about Sarno putting immense pressure on myself to heal. I didn't recognise this intensity for what it was at the time. I still battle with it now sometimes, particularly during flare-ups. I counter it with oodles of self-soothing. That does the trick.

My best advice is to move gently into your future while nurturing the loving practices that work for you. Healing takes the time it takes. Let it be. Relax into your becoming.

I laughed when I read this because it is so me. Most of the time I'm absolutely fine with the level I'm at and while I do intend to establish a greater devotion to my yin yoga, my swimming and periods of reflective solitude, I do acknowledge that it is something of a Sysophian task. My main problem is that I get pissed off with the obstacles to this precious routine and this generates resentment, rage and sadness. In some ways it is just a carer's lot and this just vexes me more

And so entangling this knot is the latest round of healing and lucky me, life presents many opportunities

For now I'm grateful for this rare quiet hour I've enjoyed this morning. Especially given that the kid downstairs spent yesterday evening mangling carols on her keyboard. My husband is a pianist and his face was classic. We all have to start somewhere.

Plum x

 

Thanks @plum for for the reply.

I don't think it's that I'm putting immense pressure on myself to heal but I'm so tired of hurting as I'm sure most of the people on this forum are. And I do have concerns about how I'll manage a full time job after being on disability for a year. I realize that could be a source of stress however I also had stress by not having a job! I try to be full aware of how I'm feeling about this and everything else.

Your description of the piano session was amusing.

Connie