Day 23 Longing to Endorsement

[RozieHolland]

Today I found out that I need endorsement. Right now I feel ashamed to tell.
I am waiting untill a like or reaction comes in. (more shame)
When it's not coming I feel alone. It is nice to read your story's and reactions,
but for me it is not enough. I want endorsement. That is what I never got in my life.
I had to do it all by my self. Maybe that is why going through life was so hard for me.
There was no one who stimulated me. No one behind me.
I was allways walking with my head down. My inferiority got bigger every year.
Sometimes I still feel it and stay at home., hiding.
When I go to work it is gone. I feel good at work.

I was very afraid to write this, but for me it is important to let go.

Now I feel better.

With love, Rozie.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Rozie. Love to you, too. I want you to feel and believe in my endorsement of you. It's a shame you have gone through life feeling you have had no endorsement. I can understand how it has left you with feelings of inferiority. I never had much encouragement in my life's work as a journalist and author. I just had to give it to myself, to believe in myself. I bet if you wrote down the things you did that you are proud of, it would be a long one. I don't know if you have a dog, but my dogs gave me more endorsement than most humans. Friends have given me more endorsement than family. Family loves me, but never reads anything I write.

 

[Andy Bayliss]

Hi Rozie,

I appreciate your post and Walt's response.

I am glad you felt better expressing this. To me, this is self-compassion, the ease that comes with acknowledging and allowing things, even difficult things --to simply be as they are.

In your TMS work, you might connect the feelings of "wanting to be seen, and feeling not seen" to how your Inner Child feels, and how these feelings might be "hard to feel" and therefore TMS symptoms arise. It seems there is definitely some fruit here in your understanding, as you explore this with self-compassion.

Andy B