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Long-time TMSer

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by marley16, Oct 18, 2021.

  1. marley16

    marley16 Newcomer

    My history -

    2010 - "traumatic event"
    6 weeks later - episode of vertigo that left a lingering feeling of dizziness/spaciness
    5 years of coping well(kind of) on antidepressants but the feeling never went away

    2016 - took too many drugs - hand pain
    6 months later found tmswiki and cured my hand pain by focusing on another thought as soon as it arose. Dizziness lingered

    Unfortunately I was simultaneously going through an extremely difficult time emotionally - I won't go into detail but I nearly lost my relationship over some stupid actions - this situation+my recent discovery of TMS created what I can only describe as an absolute shit show of anxiety, increasing symptoms through obsessively reading this site, fear of TMS as some kind of monster within me, utter disgust at myself and my past actions. I was genuinely suicidal and suffering with constant extreme anxiety, intrusive thoughts and fear. I was unable to function, stopped working etc. It was horrendous. No amount of reassurance could help me. I worked with multiple TMS therapists but the pressure I was putting on myself was IMMENSE... plus the feeling that my emotional issues were so complex and that I was never going to heal unless I could truly forgive myself and learn to live with some of the events in my past that I still find difficult to face.

    I have approached my symptoms from many, many angles. I have journalled, tried somatic tracking, read 20+ books, had therapy, discussed my childhood in detail multiples times. I try to be compassionate to myself, believe I can heal etc. and while I can see that I am in a much better place mentally and physically as time has passed, I am still nowhere NEAR functional/normal/healed.

    I am still dizzy 24/7, still scared of my symptoms, still find it hard to deal with my emotions which can be overwhelming.

    I have read so much advice that I am paralysed with indecision and overthinking. I have spent months "living life" and not using any techniques but my problems persist.

    I am not sure what I am asking for really... I feel that I have lost touch with what normal thinking and functioning would even be - as my symptoms are 24/7. My anxiety is no longer severe but it is persistent and so very tiring. I cant even bring myself to do simple breathing exercises because the pressure to see results is too intense.

    I have a diagnosis from a neurologist that my neck muscles are tight and overdeveloped which is causing lack of blood flow to my head creating the illusion of movement = dizziness. I am taking a low dose of muscle relaxants starting today as I just need to feel some relief.
  2. TG957

    TG957 Beloved Grand Eagle

    From what I am gathering from your post, your anxiety and fear levels are still not normal. Tight muscles are result of overstressed nervous system and can cause headaches, dizziness and more. Have you tried to bring it down a notch by meditation? Have you tried audios (not books, but audios) by Dr. Claire Weekes?
  3. marley16

    marley16 Newcomer

    I've listened to them. But at the time I was searching for all these repressed emotions. And I have some pretty heavy feelings about some stuff I did in my childhood / twenties which I can't seem to forgive myself for. And the thought that I would never get better because of this reason caused me great anxiety and symptoms that got progressively worse as I learned more about TMS. Perhaps for somebody like me it was not a good idea to open Pandora's box. So I have the symptoms plus the emotions to deal with now. There doesn't seem to be one resource that answers all my questions and reassures all my worries. I hope that makes sense.
  4. TG957

    TG957 Beloved Grand Eagle

    My search for repressed emotions and childhood trauma never yielded results. Once I started focusing on my anxiety, and anxiety alone, I started getting better. You need to get the doubts out of your head. You can and will heal!
  5. marley16

    marley16 Newcomer

    Mine yielded many many results which I feel I must "resolve" or at least feel comfortable with before I can move on and heal. I don't seem to be able to do this and so I feel stuck and broken :(
  6. TG957

    TG957 Beloved Grand Eagle

    I know everyone is different, but if this can help, read on. I have been working with the woman who had a pretty serious case of TMS, with neuropathy, heart palpitations, CFS, low blood pressure, bladder and pelvis pains, panic attacks and so on. She has a long history of trauma: child abuse, horrible teenage years, tragic family deaths and family dramas. Worked with therapists, but it never truly resolved. She used a combination of jigsaw puzzles and meditation, persistently, for 1 hour each, every day. Once she got into the drill, she improved about 80-90% and keeps improving. I suggest that you attend my free meditation session which I will schedule at the end of the month and post on the forum. If she did it, you can do it. It is all about believing in yourself.
    Sissiliz and Sita like this.
  7. marley16

    marley16 Newcomer

    Thank you for sharing - I would love to participate!

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