Living Alone, Battling Depression/Anxiety/Increased Pain

[tmstraveler]

My girlfriend of 15 years moved out three months ago and I’m living alone for the first time in my life, while still trying to resolve my pelvic pain (which I know has no structural basis). But I’m having a tough time. My sleep is severely affected and that’s hindering my TMS work, including my mindset. Hell, I’m back to reading post after post on this site after many months of being away! Not good.

Up until just a couple weeks ago I was doing better: living life, working, even dating a bit, but the newfound solitude has caught up with me and my pain has been flaring up. It’s all over the map. I clearly haven’t resolved it yet (I blame good ol’ preoccupation, which has only gotten worse lately with so much space and free time).

I’m trying to be gentle with myself and not judge this emotional setback after so much progress. (Self-criticism is part of what got me here.) But the lack of sleep is too much and I’m wondering if I should consider short-term use of an antidepressant to help with everything (sleep, thought loops, anxiety) so I can continue moving towards indifference to my pain—which I still struggle with. The MDs say it’s no big deal but well… They say a lot of stuff, right? My belief in TMS is total and I don’t want to betray that or the work I’ve done, but my emotional situation and sleep issues are making it very hard to make progress at the moment. Especially the sleep. I wake up sweating every couple of hours.

You folks are very knowledgeable and kind. Any thoughts? I realize it’s ultimately up to me.

 

[Cactusflower]

The Dr. Hanscom book Back In Control has a bit on sleep. He feels its really important and suggests sometimes short term medications are necessary, but with the knowledge that they are temporary.
I struggle to sleep well, I sleep but not deeply. This affects my anxiety breathing. Have you tried doing a say, yoga Nidra practice before bed? Something with gentle relaxing breathing - any kind of mind-body type calming activities?

 

[Baseball65]

You might not need SSRI's. You might need a good old fashioned Benzo.

I have taken Both and plain old xanax, valium,etc. have less long lasting effects than the SSRI's which tend to put your personal growth on pause. In fact, the SSRI might have been blocking a lot of my anger I needed to process.....whereas the sleeping meds just help you sleep. They have a bad reputation BUT used as prescribed they are actually pretty effective and I , for one, am all for them AND once your rested you can deal with the rest of the TMS program with a clearer head. BTW the lowest effective dose is the best. Don't want to be all foggy.

Your GF moving out is probably a huge rage inducer. The fact that you are perceiving it in the pelvis is significant. I have noticed after doing this all these years that the symptom tends to imply your deficient in the area of your life that the repressed rage represents....if am angry about a Money thing, I get back pain, if it's about a sports or 'male' thing My Thigh hurts,etc.etc.

What is the pain telling you you suck at? That's the 'focal point' of your rage and should get the most attention.

I went through my divorce I had a needless epidydimectomy (splng)... Never thought for a minute that it might be a TMS thing , but it was. All these years later I find lots of men have mystery pain in that area when they are having relationship issues.

Up until just a couple weeks ago I was doing better: living life, working, even dating a bit, but the newfound solitude has caught up with me and my pain has been flaring up.

That would all fall into 'perceived emotion'.... the symptoms are coming from the unconscious which is a raging, tantrum throwing child/tyrant. Wrap your head around that thought when you catch yourself paying attention to the symptoms and they'll be gone....fast.

peace

 

[tmstraveler]

Thanks for the responses. I’ve been thinking on it and I agree that a shorter-acting medication is more appealing to me. Perhaps I’m worried an SSRI will blunt my emotional work or add challenges I don’t need. I feel if I can get some sleep, it’ll put me in a better headspace to continue to practice indifference towards my bonkers symptoms, honor emotions as they come up, and do the (surprisingly challenging) work of reintroducing joy and experimentation into my life.

This is, if nothing, a demonstration of how emotional factors (it’s essentially a divorce) affect our bodies in a very real way, as well as the nonlinear nature of TMS recovery. It feels like an emotional relapse as much as a physical one, and indeed my rumination and fear have skyrocketed, but at least I have an awareness of that, which I’ve earned after 1.5 years of this work. I believe I can get back on track and keep going.

Love to you all. And thank you.