Hi all So I posted here last winter. I got better for awhile February until July, Ups and downs, but functional and had many really good days during those months. ( I was a mess 10 years ago and was better until last year also). Then the last year was draining and stressful for so many reasins, mainly my job. I made job changes within thst job in January ( improved some) and quit that job beginning of June because I knew it was still wrong for me. ( I do currently love my new job but the pain still continues). But 3 days after I quit the job that was stressing me out and working 55 hours a week at, and was ready to get my life back completely, I get the phone call that my brother was found unresponsive in a coma. He wasn't expected to make it through the night. Through a lot of prayer he came to 3 days later. Long story short, he's an alcoholic who caused his liver to fail. He has end stage liver failure. Needing a liver transplant. It's been a long hard emotional several months since June. He's had many health ups and downs . He went into another hepatic coma in august from the disease. Insurance issues so he was kicked out of nursing home in July. I took him into my home. I have 3 busy kids also. It was a nightmare. I am not equipped to care for him. His mind isn't right. One night he had a setback while here and pooped everywhere in my house. No human being should have to clean what I did thst night! He's currently back in nursing home because of severe health needs. And I won't take him back. He's got a court order for protective placement anyway because of being found incompetant. But I am his legal guardian. He's 53. Thst has been incredibly stressful to me with selling his home, dealing with assets to trying get him on medical assistance, and disability. Court dates, doctor appt, lawyer appt, paperwork, so much red tape. Anyway since September, my pelvic floor muscles and legs are ridiculously tense! I've journaled. My anger is very clear to me. I went from one terribly stressful job into this with my brother! I've had no break! I'm mad at him for causing all thus because he wouldn't quit the drinking. Hes very unappreciative and rude to me. And manipulative at times to me. He still isn't making great choices but because he's living in controlled environment of nursung home, he's not drinking. Anyway I know I'm angry and I'm sure that's leading to my my stupid daily pain. My life is so busy everyday with my brothers crap, my kids busy schedules, and my new job. I feel overwhelmed and even when I try to relax, I can't. How can I relax and how can I let go of the frustration and anger? I've gotten my life back to normal before why am I struggling so very much now? Tired of the pain, tired of crying, and tired of feeling stressed and bitter Over the situation. Thanks for letting me vent here and thanks for any help!