I identified greatly with Relapser's curse - there is hope, by Skizzik found in Lesson #26, especially the following statements. 1. I don't see how to get out of the calendar phenomenon. I have the pain constantly w/ no break. I've experienced unrelenting pain (it's no fun). I know the demoralizing effects & anxiety provoking effects of constant pain. 2. And when I would find it, I was obsessed with how I'd publish it for the world to see, and hope to inspire others with what I did. ... was I trying to be a hero? Was I that desperate for approval? I had put my recovery, and eventual story of it on a pedestal, I built an altar to it. I was reassured to learn that someone else besides me dreams of being a hero & garnering all of the adulation & praise heaped upon heroes. Such dependency on the approval of others is extremely destabilizing. I read the blog "Understanding and Overcoming Fear" by Dr Schubiner, and found so much helpful information in that article; I made a copy of the article for frequent future reviews. I believe Lesson #26 was especially powerful. THANKS!