just sharing a bit of my story

Discovering more repressed emotions recently and I just wanted to share my story; just because it feels good to do it.

When I was in my early 20s, I was in therapy to resolve my childhood pain. I was blessed with the most loving, empathic therapist, who is truly the best human being I have ever met. For two years, once a week, she nursed me back to mental health with compassion and kindness. After all those years of neglect and abuse at the hand of my parents, I finally felt worthy and happy. My life had finally started and I was able to accomplish great things, including get a master's degree and meet a loving man who would become my husband.

Life was great until my husband and I decided to move away from our home city. I had to leave behind my beloved therapist, my friends, a city that I adored, career opportunities. This could have been ok except for what happened next and what I did to myself in response to it. I got to the new city, couldn't find a job, my new husband's family (who had spent 3 years fighting with him to try to convince him not to marry me ) treated me badly and I took it all. I told my inner child to stop complaining, to lie in the bed she had made for herself and to pick herself up by the bootstraps. At the same time, I was desperately looking to my husband and to others for the deep loving support I had known, and constantly feeling enraged (oh, yes Dr. Sarno is so right!) for not getting it. Thus began the depression, then the chronic pain.

Through the journaling, the recordings of the Alan Gordon program and reading people's experiences on the forum, I am slowly reconnecting with the part of me that needs support, help and compassion, a part I had completely denied for 17 years. It took all this pain to get my attention.

I'm ready to stop beating myself up, ready to ask for help (and accept it) and ready to work on forgiving the people who hurt me and to forgive myself for my misguided choices.

And then, the neck pain left...

 

Hi, Blake. I'm sorry for how your life changed when you moved. But you are handling it all the right way.
Accept the downside and forgive. Maybe you could telephone your therapist for more help.
The TMSWiki is such a great help!

 

Hi Walt,

Thank you for taking the time to read my story. It makes me feel good to get it off my chest once and for all, and to have people respond with kindness is such a blessing.

It always surprises how fast I can go from feeling sad to happy just by following the advice on this forum. I'm so grateful for that!

 

Hugs to you Blake! Your story is similar to mine in some ways. Moving back to a city that I didn't want to move back too (among many other stressors too) and realizing the depth of repressed rage due to shelving my emotional needs for many years…to meet the needs of my hubby and kids. And yeah - the years of chronic pain finally got my attention.

Thank you for sharing your wonderful story. Here's to more healing!