Just joined, but not new to TMS

Hi everyone. I guess this is my first post so hello to the forum. I first came across Sarno about 10 years ago and got through a bout of pretty crippling back pain fairly quickly. I was a member of the tmshelp board and that definitely was a good place to hang out and I got a lot of support there. So I'm very familiar with the TMS theory and have no trouble buying into it. It all makes sense. However recently I've been thinking about the fact that my 'buying in' is all very intellectual.

So my situation currently is:
I feel like crap!! I'm in pain (my back), I'm super anxious, depressed and completely unable to enjoy anything. I've been reading steveo's book which I thought was amazing, and I've also just finished The Meaning of Truth which was also very insightful.

One of the reasons I'm posting is that I've been browsing the wiki and came across a post (can't remember by who unfortunately) that explains the way depression is a TMS equivalent. Something clicked and I realised I've been ignoring this simple fact for years. I've also being ignoring the dizziness that's been plaguing me for 20 years.

I need to get on and do the emotional work but I find myself really stuck. It seems to me right now that I just have a sucky personality that I don't want, and that I'm stuck with it, and that in itself makes me feel angry/hopeless. I just don't want to feel like this, I don't want to be this personality type! The classic INFP, smiley and supportive on the outside, growling inside, lost, lonely, hurting and feeling like the world is passing me by and my life is hopeless and that I have unsolvable problems. I admit I've got emotional issues, I feel fucked up beyond redemption!

I needed to get that out. I don't say this stuff to ANYONE in my real life.

Where do I start with all this? I want to stay in bed and cry! - but I've got a job, 2 year old, a life!!

 

Hi, hibie. Welcome to the TMS club. Or back to it, since you had good luck with it before.

Your state of mind is to be expected but it can change. You have to believe it will.
Have you discovered your TMS repressed emotions? They may go back to your childhood, as mine did
with anger because of family matters. Through journaling about them I was able to understand my
parents and older brother better and that they too had TMS repressed emotions. That led me to
forgiving them and it led to me no longer having severe back pain.

I suggest you begin the Structured Education Program in one of the forum which will lead you
through steps toward healing pain.

You might also contact one of the TMS therapists who are offering their service free at

http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/forms/ask-a-tms-therapist.1/respond

They are especially helpful in hearing from TMSers in need of psychological healing.

 

Hi Hilbie,

It may have been my question to the Ask A Therapist that you saw, as I have struggled with depression as a TMS equivalent too.

http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/is-depression-a-tms-equivalent.4711/

Walt and Jan have given you great advice. I'd just add another resource that has helped me a great deal with this issue, and that is the ebook by Dr. Howard Schubiner Unlearn Your Anxiety and Depression. It is available on Amazon.

Just take things one day at a time. A structured program like the SEP is a good way to do that. And be very kind and forgiving to yourself. Being a mother to a two year old is one of the most challenging jobs there is and it is certain to trigger TMS in most people. It certainly did for me.

Welcome to the Forum. We are glad to have you here. Please keep us posted on how you are doing, and feel free to ask for support at any time.

Best wishes....

 

Thank you all very much for such a warm welcome to the forum. Ellen, it was your question that I'd found earlier so thanks for linking that! The reply you got was very helpful to read. It was the first time I'd ever read such a clear description of how depression could be TMS.

I will start the structured programme this week. I've been aware of TMS for such a long time but never got my act together enough to actually 'do the work' properly.

Thanks again and I'm sure I will be back with more questions.

 

Ok, I've just read Ellen's thread again. I don't know how to do a quote but here is the cut and paste answer that she received:

Depression is a defense mechanism, just like mind-body pain. The basic gist of the idea is that when unconscious feelings arise, the brain employs defense mechanisms to protect you from these emotions which it identifies as a threat. Depression is not an "emotion" but rather a cognitive/physiological shutdown response that prevents you from connecting with your authentic emotions. Feeling genuine anger, sadness, or shame is MUCH less uncomfortable than being in a state of either depression or physical pain but the primitive brain doesn't know that. It just senses something which it perceives as a threat and defends against it.

This is quite an eye opener for me. Depression is awful and when I'm in it I truly think its the worst place to be and that no other feeling could be worse than this. But if I understand this correctly, depression is simply a symptom of TMS that acts in exactly the same way that back pain works. It is not actually an emotion, but a way of not feeling 'genuine' emotions. This is difficult for me to totally understand because depression 'feels' as if it's made up of other 'feelings' such as isolation and shame.

I do however see that getting obsessed with / fearing the depression is exactly the same as getting obsessed with pain or dizziness and therefore acts in the same way. I am also interested to see that anxiety and rumination, my two other favourite, are also included in the TMS symptom category.

I think last time around I pretty much healed my pain from reading one of Sarno's books but this time some deeper work is going to take place. I'm a TMS personality poster girl, so there's no way around it at this point!