I think I really need to get off the internet, even this forum. I am struggling with TMS this time. I get close to buying in and then I start thinking structural. I am going to write out my whole story again just to get it all out. August 2020, had a blood clot in leg Found out I have a genetic clotting disorder and am on medicine for life. Started a spiral of me checking symptoms in my leg, worried about long term damage that can happen Working on a huge project at work, 60+ hours a week Dr. told me to start isolating for COVID as it might not be good for my blood clot issue. Pulled away from society, church etc... Started working out and lost 40 lbs December 2020 was tough with not seeing family at holidays and working. Developed pain in my groin and rectum area. Upper glutes were really sore. This led me to real anxiety, shaking in bed and insomnia Insomnia scared me more. Could I function at work? Went to my Dr. and he said it was most likely stress Went to a Urologist and he said most likely stress Anxiety was running high, wanting to get better for my wife and son. Feeling pressure to hide my anxiety from my dad and father in-law. Back to Dr. who put me on some mild anxiety meds. Sent me back to a new urologist New Urologist said it was maybe prostatitis and prescribed me Flomax and Antibiotic Issues went away but then my back started to hurt, noticed fatty lumps in back Googled these lumps and found people crying out for help on web Pain got worse and worse. Anxiety even worse now. Starting to worry if I can play golf, hike etc... Pain in hip now as well as in other areas of my body are sore to touch Dr. sent me to see a PT who specializes in tight pelvic floor muscles w/ Mind Body connection but she has been booked out I decided to go to see a Spine Surgeon who said my X-rays showed normal disc height and mild SI joint degeneration. Told me to go see a chiro but from his perspective nothing to worry about. Pain in groin and rectum went away. Antibiotics are done and I want to stop the Flomax as I learned it can cause muscle and back pain but nervous to stop. Maybe these meds helped is what my mind thinks So many people are sharing their back pain stories with me now. My dad, brother, golf pro, boss, coworker etc.... makes it hard for me to believe in TMS Now I am having thigh twitching in my right leg above my knee for a couple of days. Worries me about a nerve issue. Glutes are still sore, I can still feel those fatty nodules which the spine doctor said are benign and shouldn't cause pain. Still only sleeping 4 hours a night Tried to meet with a TMS counselor from Alan Gordon's office but it was more rehashing my life and less about why I have so much fear of the pain. Fear of sciatica, fear of pelvic floor and groin pain. I can't get my mind away from it. I check all the time. Why? how did I become so weak minded in 2 months? Woke up today and cried to my wife. I want my life back. I feel like I won't ever be able to stop thinking about the pain and enjoy things I was enjoying 2 months ago. There you have it. I can't seem to get past the fear and anxiety. I am shocked I have become this person in 2 months. I have a PT appointment today to discuss the tight muscles and TMS relationship. My wife thinks I need to get my anxiety under control to allow my body to heal. She thinks I might need meds. That worries me too since I have never had anxiety up until now. I am still functioning but unsure how I get to the point of 100% commiting to TMS. I am scared I might miss something and things will get worse. I just want my life back. Thanks to everyone who has messaged me. They have given me small bursts of energy to think TMS but I seem to relapse each time.