Hello I am 31 years old and have FM for 8 years now. It started right on the day when my ex boyfriend and I split up after a very emotional abusive relationship of 7 years, in which I wasn’t able to express my anger, sadness and anxiety because I’m a conflictavoider and so I just kept all my miserable feelings to myself . .It’s so true what Sarno says, the onset of the pain that day never made me think about my suppressed emotions back then, because I could only think of my horrible pain when it started. Next to this, I am a perfectionist, goodist, legalist and have a low self esteem. So not only my past relationship could be the cause, but also these traits have set me up to where I am now. People were able to walk over me for many many years, without me saying a word, and that causes me a lot of pain and anger now that I think back about this. Two years ago I found the Gupta programme, which helped me greatly to get my head back straight and not to give up hope, because in the meantime, anxiety and all kind of new symptoms (dizziness, chronic fatigue, nausea ) had taken a hold of me because I didn’t know what was going on with my body and no one was able to help me. I have always known that the pain was originating in my mind, so Gupta helped me to take away my IBS and reclaim my life a little more, but after two years of applying this method, I am still dealing with pain, fatigue and all the other symptoms. The program contains more or less the same info as on Alan Gordon’s recovery program. I stopped all negative thoughts and didn’t jump on the anxiety train for two years, I did it relentlessly and consistently without doubt, but it seems that doing only this, did not help me so far… Although I must admit that I was still preoccupied, but only because those negative thoughts would not stop harassing me.. Fortunately I found the missing piece 3 months ago – The TMS diagnosis. I am so grateful to have found sarno’s books and this TMS site. I believe 100% in the theory and I have no doubt about it. So I guess in my case, it could be that I haven’t dealt with the emotional side of things and that this could be the missing key for me. However, I have now been working on my emotions daily and have covered all of the issues/trauma’s from the past for the past 3 months. I know, this is not a long time and I also let go of the outcome dependency and setting myself a time frame. I also do not monitor my body and I let go of all fears/doubts using many self-help tools I have learned over the years. I have followed Nancy Selfridge’s practical book – freedom from FM in 5 weeks which focuses a lot on anger meditation, regular meditation and journaling about past/present and dreams, but no definitive results yet in my case I have also been working with a faster EFT practioner to work on my past and go back to these moments and release the emotional baggage. I am now at day 10 of the SEP. I’ve been crying for about 3 months now because there has been so much stuff coming out, but now I have the feeling that I have written and thought/meditated about everything which could possibly cause me so much pain. I have a good insight about who I am and have the feeling that I left no stone unturned in the last months and that there maybe aren’t any more emotions to discover? I have the tendency of thinking that I have to find that one specific horrible feeling in order to get better… My question is now: the SEP is asking me again to write about my past events and I kind of look up to it because I have written about all my painful issues from the past extensively and very profoundly. I wonder If going over it again will do me any good. I know now how much hurt and pain I have because of that relationship but I do not want to dwell on it over & over again. However, knowing or assuming that the pain was caused because of my past relationship, I sometimes think that I have to keep on journaling/thinking/or do the anger meditation on it in order to heal. What do you journal about after having done the SEP and when the pain is still there? Any suggestions?