Hi everyone, this is my first thread on this forum. For over a year I've read a lot of discussions, but I never found the strenght to write anything. I'm actually going through a terrible pain attack and I'd really need your support, if possible. For 2 years I've suffered from vulvodynia and for many months I regularly went to the doctor and tried every possible drug, diet, massage, etc. to feel better. I won't try to describe how terrible was to feel trapped in a body in flames, not being able to sit, walk or sleep. I even couldn't wear my underwear - and going to the toilet was a nightmare... After 9 months of fear and wasted money, I finally heard of TMS and Dr. Sarno and, after reading The Mindbody Prescription, my pain reduced significantly. I also read The Great Pain Deception by Steve O' and, in a couple of days, I felt much better. I'll never forget what it was to read that book. I was fascinated, I devored it. I also cried because everything seemed so familiar to me. In the following months, I managed to wear trousers again, sit for many minutes (even hours!) and, moreover, I felt finally happy, hopeful and in a great mood, even if the pain was still there. I also applied for a job and got it, which enabled me to meet new people and feel even better. I was totally sure I would heal and I was greatful to Sarno, Steve O' and this forum for giving me hope after such a dark time. I was never pain free, not even for a minute, but I never gave up.When the pain got worse, I was happy because it meant my brain strategy was not working anymore and I'll be soon be pain free. I stopped taking drugs and I started to follow all the suggestions in this website. As my pelvic pain reduced, a lot of other symptoms in other parts of the body appeared: headache, IBS, vertigo, sleep paralysis, stomachache, and so on. I also interpreted it as a good sign. I tried to follow Alan Gordon's Pain Recovery Program and to do journaling with Dr. Schetcher's Workbook, but doing it on a daily basis made me focus too much on my pain, so I decided to forget about it completely. 14 months have passed and I'm at the point I can't sit anymore nor wearing trousers. It is as I never did anything at all. Until a couple of days ago, every time my pain got worse, I just smiled and tried to think psychologically, then I listened to my favorite music or did something I really liked and tried to live as normal as I could. Now the pain is worst than ever and I think I can't pretend anymore that everything is alright and that I will heal. I still believe in TMS, but I don't believe in my ability to overcome it anymore. I know I'm allowing my brain to win, but I just can't help it. I often have love problems and I'm starting to think that this could perpetuate pain (since it's pelvic pain). I'm always alone and I'm always disappointed with men. Thefact is, it seems I can't have a relationship with anyone - and not only because of my cronic pain. And, since I can't force anyone to stay with me, I'll never get better until someone will love me - this affirmation may sound crazy, but it's reality. It means, I don't own the power to heal myself and this scares me. I don't know if what I've written makes sense (English is not my mother tongue, so I guess I made tons of mistakes, sorry), but I would appreciate every piece of advice/comment. I don't want to give up and I can't think of living the rest of my life with this terrible pain, but I really see no way out... Well, thank you for reading such a long thread!